HEART OF A GYPSY

WILDE ABOUT THE BOY

2011-11-29T12:06:00.000-08:00

The NOH8 campaign recognizes transgender/sexual orientation equality and stands up against its bullies.

In support and conjunction with this, I thought it time we bring back into the spotlight an author of another time who was known for his ahead-of-his-time-brilliance, aesthetic flair and who also knew first hand what it was like to be persecuted -- and PROSECUTED-literally! -- for his sexual orientation:

OSCAR WILDE, noted and respected author of 'The Ideal Husband', 'The Importance of Being Earnest' and 'The Picture Of Dorian Gray' (which translated into one of my favorite classic films).

Good ol' Oscar (who was quite handsome and dashing!) has a special place in this slightly bit 'o Irish heart of mine, having been born in Dublin, Ireland in 1854.

While Oscar was indeed married and fathered two sons with his wife, Constance, he was also not-so-secretly gay, having love affairs with several men in his lifetime.

During his imprisonment for "gross indecency" he wrote in De Profundis to Lord Alfred Douglas (one of his lovers): "To regret one's own experiences is to arrest one's own development. To deny one's own experiences is to put a lie into the lips of one's own life. It is no less than a denial of the soul."

It was indeed Lord Alfred Douglas' own Father, Marquee of Queensberry, who led to the imprisonment of Oscar Wilde by taunting him and leaving him his calling card with the written word: "Sodomite".

Oscar sued the Marquee for criminal libel, but soon charges were dismissed and the attention turned to Oscar himself, who was then put on trial for Sodomy, which was then a crime, and found guilty. He was sentenced -- and served -- two years of hard labor.

He was released in May of 1897 at the age of 42 and, once again, took up with Lord Alfred Douglas. By then, Constance had already banished her husband from his sons, although she did continue to help support him financially.

Oscar and Alfred's reunion was short-lived due to finances, family constraints and objections.

At the age of 46, Oscar died in poverty in a dingy Paris hotel in 1900 of Cerebral Menengitis, having converted to Catholicism on his death bed.

Just today, it was announced that his resting place is getting a 'makeover' due to the lipstick-kisses (yes, you read that correctly) that many fans over the decades have placed on his tomb, Ala Jim Morrison (who, ironically, is interred in the same Paris cemetary), which caused erosion and its decaying state. Now he will be imprisoned once again as his monument will now be untouchable and shrouded in glass.

I think Oscar himself would be very proud of the NOH8 movement and I find his own words ironic and befitting: "I wanted to eat of the fruit of all the trees in the garden of the world... And so, indeed, I went out, and so I lived..."

The NOH8 movement came over 100 years too late for Oscar -- it's not, however, too late for us.

Love is love.

Stop the violence. Stop the bigotry. Stop the hate.

Peace, love and NOH8,
~Jo

UNDER CONSTRUCTION

2011-09-15T13:20:00.000-07:00

Changing things up -- please bear with me while I regroup, reorganize and otherwise revamp my blog which includes a new title as well as design. What you see now may not be the final product...

This change has been long over-due and I'm sure it's merely symptomatic but nonetheless much needed.

HANGING ONTO TIME

2011-09-02T12:12:00.000-07:00

What can really be gained in an hour or two?

A clean house.

Dinner made and eaten.

Yard work.

Catching up on correspondence.

A T.V. show or movie you've been wanting to catch.

But what bonds, if any, can be gained in such a short time?

B has an uncle (my brother who lives in another state) and cousins he's rarely seen that we will be spending some time with on Saturday morning -- they're here for a family wedding this Sunday that B is not attending, through no will or fault of his own (a long story best left UN-told for the sake of family peace and preservation).

I pushed for this get-together in spite of the fact that my out of state Clan has very limited time here: they come in quite late Friday night (and are staying at my other brother's house) and are leaving very early Monday the day after the festivities. This Saturday they have to go check into their hotel in the afternoon in the city the wedding is to take place -- and then they're off to do the L.A. sight-seeing thing.

So, the window of opportunity was quite a short one.

However, I pushed for it because B deserves equal time -- at least that's what I told myself when I started this.

The cousins from my two brothers are close -- they're close because my two brothers are close, growing up almost as twins with them being only eighteen months apart in age. There is an eight and ten year age difference between me and them.

No one has necessarily gone out of their way to make me feel out of the loop, but...nonetheless I have always felt that way. Again, I'm not placing blame.

Birth order is simply a bitch -- one who leaves vicious bite marks on my heart and conscience.

Then, I started to notice a pattern: whenever my out of state brother was here for this occasion or another -- more time was spent between them all. The same goes for any occasion that happened in their state: we never had the money to attend weddings out of state, but everyone else always seemed to, thus strengthening the family bond between them all.

Enter 'Facebook', texting, etc. to further cultivate their relationships.

Again, I felt left out of the inner sanctum...but this time I decided to get pro-active and do something about it, especially with B not ~~invited~~ going to the wedding: I'll be damned if I was going to sit idly by and watch the pattern repeating itself in this next generation with B now on the outside looking in.

But am I really doing it for those reasons? For the reasons I claimed to be so fervently passionate about?

The answer is yes.

And no.

I have always needed, craved and searched for the love and respect of my older brothers.

Call it 'The Little Sister Needing Constant Attention Syndrome' -- although, I'd like to think I outgrew that years ago.

So, what gives?

Why do I still care so much?

Because I do.

I need to show them I'm no longer the UN-focused child/teen/young woman who cultivated with great care the black sheep reputation that's plagued me.

I need B. I need to show them all what I had a big hand in doing.

I need them to look at this bright, enlightened and decent twenty one year old and think: "Okay, perhaps we've mis-judged. Perhaps it's wrong we've only called you on national holidays. Perhaps it's wrong you've felt out of the loop and maybe, just perhaps, we could have done something different all these years."

What I know is this: we all have our own journey's and they're all different from the next persons. Their life is in the mid-west with different interests, philosophies and ideologies.

But wouldn't it be wonderful if they discovered something wonderful about me and my family they've missed out on all these years?

Wouldn't it be wonderful if they want to be even a small part of our journey?

Being grounded in some realism here, I also know that years of my journey and theirs being so separate and different, is it really possible to make up lost time in one short hour or two thinking that it's enough time to implement much needed change?

Tick, tick, tick...

I'll let you know when I do.

TODAY

2011-09-01T12:47:00.000-07:00

~Today I am not with you

~Today I miss you

~Today you are in my thoughts

~Today I have regrets

~Today I need you

~Today I have hope

~Today I wish for you all that is good in your life

~Today you turn 25

Happy birthday to my beautiful daughter, C -- I hope one day we will be a family again...

Because today I love you -- and tomorrow I will, too.

THE BOX

2011-08-03T10:17:00.000-07:00

Years ago, a lady went to the store. A Little while later, she came home with her goods -- and so much more~

Outside of the store was a box full of puppies being given away for free. The lady said: "No thanks -- at this time, that's just not for me."~

Half way to her car, something made her turn right back around. The cart seemed to have a mind of it's own as she headed back down~

To the front of the store she stood as she bent over that box. She picked up one of the puppies -- her heart melted and must've stopped~

To this day she doesn't know what made her do such a thing -- karmic happenstance, it seems, was tugging on her heart strings~

That lady was me and the puppy was you. For over twelve years unconditional love was abound between us two~

Daddy and Brendan loved you, too -- we couldn't have asked for a more loving companion than what we had in you~

Years went by and homes were changed, but our love for you and yours for us always remained~

Some people say, "dogs don't have souls", but those people didn't watch you grow from young to old~

They didn't see you grieve when furry family members died before you, they didn't see your gratefulness when you knew you would be joining them, too~

They didn't see you walk in pain as you grew old, just as they didn't feel the kisses you gave us as if to say: "Thank you for letting me go."~

You went so peacefully as we lied beside you. You made it easier for us to say good-bye, too~

It was the hardest thing we ever had to do. Losing you, like Juneau, happened way too soon~

But you had a long, happy life, our beloved companion and friend. And we know, one day, we will all be together once again~

To know you're with your furry brothers and sister brings me joy and hope. I can see you and Juneau now playing tug-of-war once again with the rope~

Like the pup you once were running and playing again, is the life you deserve even if it feels like our hearts may never mend~

It's been over a week now since you left, our lives feeling emptier and our hearts grief-stricken and bereft~

But today you came home the same way I found you all those years ago in June; in our home is a box...and in that box is you.

In loving memory of our beloved and faithful family member and companion, T.J.
1999-2011

"Death ends a life, not a relationship."

MY BAD?

2011-06-24T15:00:00.000-07:00

It seems that in my absence, I've forgotten how to blog eloquently & be gracious -- instead, I blah, blah, blah'd my way into apathy in the post below this one.

I won't remove it as it was indeed my truth: raw and obviously still fresh.

Still. Horrible excuse for coming across like a bitter, whiny woman with a "Look how wonderful I am..." attitude.

My apologies for coming off as such.

Wasn't my intention.

Carry on.

UP TO SPEED

2011-06-22T11:22:00.000-07:00

Hi again, all. Meant to be back yesterday but....well, we all know where good intentions lead.

To catch you up to speed, we have been in our new digs for nearly 5 months now. It's been a process and just when it finally looked like we were settled in, one of B's best friends, 'V', and his family were evicted from the house V grew up in by the spiteful relatives who owned it.

So, his parents and one of his older brothers moved in with some Aunts nearby where they sleep on air mattresses on the floor. Knowing that space was going to be an issue at the already crowded Aunt's house, we invited V and his other older brother, 'P' (whom we'd gotten to know and like) to move in with us temporarily. What we didn't know is that P's seven year old daughter lived with him permanently. Which means, she came with him. Her mother is in the military and is frequently deployed so it was agreed that she would live with P with Z's Mom seeing her as often as she could.

So, what started out as a bigger house with room to spare, ended up with 7 people on top of one another, including B and his girlfriend when they stay here (they divide their time between our house and her parents).

Luckily the seven year old, 'Z', was well behaved and, for the most part, I enjoyed having a little girl around again.

Unfortunately, we didn't realize what a bad father P is and how behind in reading Z was. She is on a Kindergarten reading level and how she passed 1st grade is beyond me.

So, I took her to the library and got her a library card and we checked out some books. So I wouldn't be held responsible for any unreturned books, her dad had to come and fill out the form.

What began as an exciting endeavor for me and for Z, ended up being a chore for her when she quickly lost interest and would rather spend her days with her unemployed Dad (who spent maybe one week looking for a job in the 2 1/2 months they lived here) watching inappropriate T.V. and playing equally inappropriate video games.

The whole thing was an exercise in frustration and my final straw was the last week they were here when I suggested one evening that her and I go read and she said "no". Fine, but when P doesn't reinforce her needing to read (and God forbid, he should read to her) and doesn't back me up, then it became an issue and the 2 1/2 months of them living under my roof rent free, was nearing it's end. And he knew it.

He announced the next day that he and Z would be moving in with his parents at the Aunt's house -- he received no arguments from Ed and I.

Let me just say that I became quite attached to Z and bought her many things in the time she was here to make life a little more fun and comfortable for her being in a strange house with people she didn't really know prior to moving in: arm floaties for the swimming pool, pool rafts, Barbie's, books, book bag with matching wallet (for her new library card), a bathing suit (one piece, thank you! Her old two piece scarcely fit and I deemed it inappropriate, whether it fit or not, for a 7 year old to be in a two piece), bath products, hair things, etc. And, so, when they moved out I was quite sad that he didn't make her say good-bye or 'thank you' to me. They went out the day they moved out and still had more stuff to pack and take with them -- he said they'd be back...but he never brought her back over to see me. She is now with her Mom for the summer.

It was a fine line I walked with not knowing what was our business and what wasn't. With no help in rent or utilities, I likely crossed a line or two deeming it my business to help raise Z right in the short time she was here. Whenever she went with her Mom for the weekend, they always met in a mutual place and I always resented that her Mom NOT ONCE came to pick up or drop off Z at our house to see where her daughter was living and with whom.

Not helping was the food situation -- I, of course, had to spend extra money on food and found it unacceptable when P would give Z a sugary snack 15 minutes before dinner was ready, the end result with her frequently not wanting to eat what I prepared & cooked.

Who could blame her? This is a little girl who would eat super sugary cereal or Hot Cheetos and Slurpees for breakfast and Lunchables for lunch. It also wasn't unusual for her to be given an ice cream and/or soda at 9:30 at night on a school night when she already should have been in bed. In my experience, a 7 year old shouldn't be going to bed at 10:00 and 10:30, more less with a belly full of sugar.

The ONLY thing P contributed to was in buying Z's breakfast & lunch stuff -- although, in fairness, he would frequently buy Ed & I a soda when he went to the store and a gallon of milk about once every two weeks.

That's it.

No, really, THAT'S IT.

So, it started to become a point of contention. If Ed or I said anything, no matter how delicate we tried, it was met with defensiveness.

Moot point in his mind.

The ONLY thing he contributed work wise around the house was he helped us twice with yard work, never taking the initiative to mow when he saw it needed to be done, ONLY doing things if he knew we were going to be doing it ourselves. I can count on one hand how many times he took out the trash and he did the dishes once. ONCE.

What was supposed to be a temporary living solution, went on for way too long when we realized that NO ONE in their family was in any hurry to find a new home. The parents were quite happily placed at the Aunt's house with no one looking for a new place for them.

V was the only one who saw the need to help out: he frequently does dishes, takes the trash out when he sees it needs it and asks me every day if there's anything I need help with.

Needless to say, he's still here with us and he's welcome to stay for however long he needs.

He and I even went looking for houses to rent for them only for neither of his parents to get pro-active at looking themselves or even bothering to look at any of the links I sent them via E-mail.

V is as frustrated as I am but he knows my frustration doesn't lie with him.

The parents recently announced that they want to now BUY a house but that they need to save up first. Perhaps in the over 2 months they've lived at the Aunts, they should have already been doing that instead of spending a weekend in San Francisco just because, or getting her hair and nails done, going out to eat, going to a Dodger game and this, that and the other.

Must be nice. It's certainly nothing we can do.

V is still happily with us and we're happy to have him for however long it takes for his family to get their shit together. Could be a while.

In happier news, B turned 21 and got accepted to attend UCR in the fall (student loans, here we come).

B on his 21st birthday:

He and his girlfriend are back east right now for a family wedding on her side, something he saved up for. They took a bus trip to New York and spent two days there Monday and Tuesday, getting back to Maryland last night. They did things economically by taking a bus there and back, staying at a hostel in Chelsea (not a HOTEL) and taking the subway.

Neither had ever been to New York and he was thrilled with everything -- they fit in a lot of sites in two days: Ground Zero, Strawberry Fields, Central Park, Statue Of Liberty, Ellis Island, Empire State Building (they didn't go up because it costs money), the infamous Hotel Chelsea and ate at famed sites such as Gray's Papaya and Lombardi's Pizza. The most surprising thing? He said to forget what you think you know about New Yorkers: everyone there was super friendly and helpful to them!

They come back home to California on Monday.

In more happy news, I'd like to introduce you to our twins, Kaya and Kodiak (Kodi):

Kaya and Kodi, like their sister, Juneau, were named after Alaskan cities for their resemblance to Polar bears -- they are five month old Pomeranians and Juneau's full brother and sister.

They have brought Ed, B and I immeasurable joy and have helped with the healing process of losing Juneau.

Ed and Juneau shortly before her leaving us:

Kaya and Kodi are hoppy (not be confused with happy although, they are that, too--as are we!), silly, feisty, loving, very kissy and cuddly, as you can imagine.

They're also quite bark-y (something we're trying to break them of) and are finally starting to get the hang of potty training -- a long process and typical for small breeds.

Sleeping at night is still an issue as they require company or else none of us would get any sleep. They can't sleep in our room as Priscilla (Prissy), our 13 year old feline, really has made it quite clear that she isn't having it -- or them in her domain.

T.J., our 13 year old black Lab, merely tolerates them but otherwise isn't too bothered by Kaya and Kodi.

T.J. and Kodi:

So, I sleep in the living room with them or in B's room when he and his girlfriend aren't here.

It's then and ONLY THEN that I wonder: "What the hell were we thinking???". Then, I get woken up in the morning by sloppy wet kisses and it's then that I know that it's that kind of love and affection that makes all their pain in the ass behavior worth it -- and also that it won't always be like this and much of it they will outgrow with time, consistency and patience.

Other than that, overtime has slowed down, money is tight (do-able, though, but tight) and with other life issues I find myself at times barely coping and recognizing that place I don't want to go back to. So, I keep busy with normal routine stuff (dishes, laundry, watering the yards, puppy love, cooking, watching our favorite shows, etc.) to try and keep my focus. It's something I have to work very hard at maintaining -- it's not something that comes easy. Depression is always there letting me know who's in control and that it can indeed come back at any time.

I'm sure there's much more I've left out but I think I'm going to wrap it up and leave you with my eternal gratitude and thanks for all your caring comments over the past months.

I will try my hardest by weeks end to get back onto the blog and see what is new and happening in your worlds.

Happy Summer!

Peace & love,
~Jo

IN A NUTSHELL

2011-06-20T15:06:00.000-07:00

Hi, all. I know it's been months and months since I last posted and I so appreciate everyone's concerns and well wishes. I've missed you all and thought of you quite frequently.

Those of you who follow me on Twitter (the4leafclover) know that I have taken the 'easy way out': instead of taking the time to eloquently write a blog update, I have found that in 140 characters or less, I can update with little effort.

However, I have also recognized the need to get back to blogging for so many reasons -- one is that I feel myself slipping into a dark place once again, whereas I was doing so well for so long...

I also know that blogging kept my sanity somewhat in tact during my dark time a few years back.

So, note that I will be back (hoping tomorrow) with an update on what the bloody hell has been going on in the life and mind of Jo -- there will be something for everyone: a few little surprises in the form of puppy love, some growth, some realizations and some f***-up's.

Until then, sending you all much love, thanks, peace, joy, friendship and good health.

~Jo

MY LIFE IN OZ

2011-02-09T11:09:00.000-08:00

Dear friends,

What's it been? Two months? Too long. I think of my dear friends, Elle, Jules, Steven and Michael and all my followers every day and have missed you all madly!

We moved about a week and a half ago, just a few blocks, really, but it's been an exhausting process and one I'm glad is 'over'. Well, over in the sense that we're here and nearly settled in, but not over in the fact that I feel at home, at ease....

I look around at all my familiar things and notice they -- and I -- are once again out of our element and have ventured into unfamiliar territory.

The things are mine, and while we pay to live here -- is it really mine? Is this really my life?

I feel as if I'm visiting someone else's house and find myself shuffling through cabinets and drawers that aren't technically mine looking for things that are.

This is a strange ethereal like storm I seem to be in: the sky is blue, the air crisp, borderlining on warm, with nary a cloud in sight...yet I feel rumpled and ruffled as if tumbled and jumbled in a gust of gale winds that landed me in Oz, without the singing of Glinda and the Munchkins to welcome me.

I keep clicking my heels...but, I still feel a sense of disturbance even though I am now still -- on the outside.

No yellow brick road or great wizard in sight -- however faux -- to seek out. No Scarecrow or Tin Man to accompany me, although I suspect that I am indeed the Cowardly Lion in the guise of an almost 45 year old female not dealing well, once again, with change.

Ed and B love it and are quite happily placed, trying to project their happiness onto me. Telling me that I will come to love it and it will be fine.

I want that assurance and fulfillment -- and I find myself fraught with envy.

In the long run, I know this was a cyclone that needed to happen in order to improve our financial health and put things back in order.

I guess I just have yet to appreciate it's significance and what this tempest will come to mean for our lives.

I wish I were braver. Calmer. Eager to embrace.

I wish I was home.

WHAT IS OLD IS NEW AGAIN

2010-12-28T10:05:00.000-08:00

And I suppose that's the story of life, eh? What once was is yet once again.

vicious circle.

Kind of like 'I am therefore we are' kind of thing.

Before I go any further, I think you should know that I'm thinking about changing the title of my blog to "I'M SORRY" as I'm forever apologizing to my blog friends.

While I have responded to a few of you on your blogs this morning (and will visit more after this post), I really do have the best of intentions -- and we all know where that road leads -- but I also have a little problem called procrastination, a heart that won't stop grieving and a mind that goes over and over things ('shoulding on myself' as my therapist would say) until I'm downright dizzy and rendered useless.

So many of you reached out to me and I truly have NO WORDS to properly convey my heartfelt thanks to you all.

Know that you brought me immense comfort and peace.

In other news, my post title eludes to the fact that we are making a big life decision and have indeed decided in this new year to move.

This is something -- after losing our home of 16 years two and a half years ago -- that I really didn't want to do again...at least not so soon.

However, in our hearts and for the financial health of our family, we know this is the right thing to do.

How this happened:

B has many good friends and two of them are brothers who last year moved out of their home -- that was just two minutes, if that, away from us -- along with their lovely Mum (she is European so I say Mum, of course. Just go with it.) to go live with their Grandmother due to finances in a city about half an hour from here.

One of the brothers stopped by to see us over the holidays and mentioned the house was still vacant and I immediately starting asking questions (God help me -- I am my mother after all! Just shoot me now.) in which he then had his Mom call me the next day.

Within a few days, we were brought the keys, went to go look at said house and the next thing you know, we're going to be moving in at the end of January.

While the neighborhood is a step down, the rent is $400.00 a month less than what we're paying now and includes pool service. Yes, it has a built in pool -- we've never had a pool, built in or otherwise, and the backyard is twice the size of ours and the house has two more bedrooms.

As with anything there are drawbacks -- needs a lot of work -- but the extra money saved per month sold it for us. Also sweetening the deal is that we get the first months rent free to do any fixing up and we don't have to make a down payment of any kind. We can also sign the lease for however many years we want.

It all happened quite quickly and we'll be spending our new year getting this house move-in ready for the next tenants (needs new carpet -- cheap and in a hurry!) and because we want our deposit back while simultaneously getting the new house cleaned and fixed up so it's ready for US -- God help it.

Hoping Santa has some elves available that aren't too tired from the holiday to help us with all this.

Speaking of Santa (and once again wildly switching gears)....

SANTA FUN FACT: A Nasa Physicist recently 'did the math' and said that in order for Santa to make the trip across the globe on Christmas Eve, he came to this conclusion:

Santa would have to leave the North Pole at 7:00 p.m. and travel nearly at the speed of light to land on each continent at 7:00 p.m. their time and visit 7000 homes per second to be done by 7:00 a.m.

Oh, and the reindeer? Likely all female (hello Vixen!) as male reindeer shed their antlers in the winter.

Chalk one up for the gals.

Next Christmas Eve, you can track Santa at noradsanta.org

Interesting, huh?

Anyhoo. Just wanted to share why, once again, I have been named the worst blog friend on the planet.

This explains the coal in my stocking.

Love you all and hope you had a blessed Christmas.

Peace, serenity and Happy New Year,
~Jo

DO WE REALLY WANT TO KNOW?

2010-12-22T10:36:00.000-08:00

In keeping with my traditional 'keeping it real' philosophy, I recently sent out my annual Christmas newsletter in my 'no holds barred' fashion where I spilled about losing Juneau, our loss of finances due to the aforementioned and Ed's potential skin cancer.

I, of course, not wanting to be all completely Grinch-like, added a few snippets about how well B is doing in school and what his plans are. I asked for prayers for Ed and told everyone that I think of them often and that I wish them all that is good this holiday and in the New Year. And I meant it.

Due to a printer that is out of ink more often than not, I do my Christmas newsletters via E-mail.

For years I have received Christmas newsletters from friends and family talking about vacations, promotions, how Tommy got his Eagle Scout badge and that little Jenny is oh so grown up now, don'tcha know, and recently received a full scholarship to Columbia University.

I read about the jet skiing and the new S.U.V. with a hitch to accommodate said jet ski's where they vacation in Mammoth Lake while staying at their vacation home.

Okay, so, I exaggerate slightly but you get my point. We've all received them and if you're like me, you don't give a shit.

C'mon -- be honest.

My thing is this: I don't want my Christmas newsletter to make anyone feel shitty about their lives. Because let's face it, in spite of all the gooey crap they write about, NO ONE's life is as good as they want you to think it is.

And if it is --good for you (truly! good for you!) but I don't necessarily want to hear about it.

Bitter grapes? Maybe. Green-eyed monster? Sure. Whatever euphemism you may want to label it as, so be it.

I truly don't begrudge people their right to live their lives to the fullest, I'm just asking for some proper perspective in these damned things.

Give it to me straight, we can take it. We're big people.

So, after my newsletter went out, the next day I get a call from my best friend, Sue. She's the one who lives in Maine whom we were supposed to go and visit next summer after not seeing each other for nearly 20 years.

Not sure that's going to happen now due to our depleted finances in trying to save Juneau.

So, Sue calls me and I can immediately tell she's upset. She's very down and it's not long until she starts crying.

She says; "I'm just so heartbroken and sorry for you all, Jo..."

Oh, shit! What did I do???

I didn't want to upset anyone -- especially Sue. Not my intention. I merely give it to them straight.

I immediately apologized and told her that my sending out such an honest newsletter was, in hindsight, a terrible thing for me to do and that I shouldn't have ever sent it.

Her answer surprised me.

She said: "No! I'm GLAD you did. You just say what everyone else should be."

Wow.

I truly wish everyone felt that way. For two years in a row now I've "said what everyone else should be" and get ZERO response from people I thought would at least write and say: "So sorry. Praying for you. Know you're all in our thoughts."

Instead I get a call from my best friend of 30 years whom I haven't seen, again, in nearly 20, who has been through just as much crap as we have with one of her sons in and out of rehab for severe drug addiction, another son divorced with a child -- and living with her and her husband and daughter making life miserable for them all -- and a husband with his own health issues all while she works as a Cardiology nurse.

The person who has the least time and a heavy, mounting load of issues of her own is the ONLY one who reached out and shared in my grief and sorrows.

Her phone call left me a lot to think about: are people whose lives don't mimic mine and Sue's incapable of empathy?

Do they really want to hear about our dirt?

And, in turn, do we really want to be showered with their apparent good news only?

The conclusion I came to is: if you add water to dirt, it creates mud.

So, all I really know is this -- and I can only speak for myself: I feel as if my universe is out of balance and in trying to regain my footing, I may have lost my own perspective.

Every day I re-check my axis and it still doesn't feel quite right...

But I can tell you that I'm trying.

Regardless, I miss everyone here and am anticipating coming back to blogging after the holidays.

Much love and blessings to you this Christmas and always.

AND SO THE STORY GOES...

2010-12-16T09:23:00.000-08:00

Santa has a lot of explaining to do.

First off, I've been wanting to post and catch up before this -- and I just want everyone to know (Steven, David, Meeko, Bibi, Jaynie, Jules, Elle and Andrea all in particular) that I've read all your comments and they've brought me immense comfort. To those of you who've reached out to me via Twitter, E-mail and/or text...equally appreciated and deeply felt.

Thank you all so much for caring about our pain and loss.

With the exception of a few meltdowns here and there the past few days (something will come up that makes me think of our beautiful little Juneau and it all hits that she should be here with us...), I can honestly say that the grieving has gotten a little easier day by day and that in addition to attempting to re-build our great financial loss when we were trying to save Juneau (who died in her sleep -- for which we're grateful if she had to go that it wasn't a decision on our part but was in fact in God's hands), we're also trying very hard to find joy in the season by doing what everyone else is: buying a tree, decorating, shopping on a budget, watching Christmas specials, etc.

Please know that I do know and understand that we're not the only family going through hardships, financial or otherwise: I am acutely aware of the families who have soldiers overseas and some who have lost their loved ones as well as the financial struggles everyone is facing now.

With that said....

READ NO FURTHER IF YOU'RE SQUEAMISH:

Ed had yesterday off for a Dermatology appointment: he gets these welt like boils on his hands, arms, elbows and even a few on his knees now and then. A few years ago we had to take him to county to have one cut open and dug out. He turned sheet white and it pained me to see him in so much agony.

After one cancellation and rescheduling after another, he was finally able to get in to see the Dermatologist yesterday who said he has a raging infection and that while these festering boils are indeed likely the product of ingrown hair, that for some reason his body is "colonizing" them causing his infection.

So, he's on a ten day anti-biotic treatment.

Wait, there's more....

Being fair skinned and freckled, he also had a few suspicious markings on his body, which turned out to be easily, albeit a bit painfully, treatable as she will burn them off.

However, what really had her concerned was that Ed has a growing red 'strawberry' mark on his side that occasionally bleeds and gives him trouble: this is where more 'good news' was handed to us as she said it is likely cancerous.

Due to his infection, she was unable to remove it for biopsy yesterday so now he has to wait until January 21st for his biopsy and results.

This is excruciating and has me, to be frank, quite scared for my husband's health.

I have so much running through my mind right now that I reached out yesterday to some of my 'kids' giving them an update and asking them to please pray for Ed.

I was disappointed that so few responded: Granted, we gave birth to B -- but the others we CHOSE to be a part of our lives and we deserve a little of their time, thought, prayers and consideration.

We have always been there for them -- was it too much to ask for some words of comfort and good thoughts in return?

I know we've been drama-filled lately with the passing of Juneau and all the financial stuff of the past few years -- believe me when I say that we don't ask for this but for whatever reason, it would appear we're being tested -- and it would appear I'm failing miserably.

So, I reached out and asked for some much needed support for Ed and I both.

I think we're fundamentally decent and good people -- we do what we can for others (in fact, I recently signed up for my 4th consecutive MS Walk) and when we love we do so whole heartedly.

At the risk of inviting wrath and hurt feelings for those who read my blog, I need to say that I know it's easy to get caught up in day to day stuff with life (especially when you're in your late teens and early to mid-20's) and perhaps they, too, have big stuff going on in their lives. However, I stand by mine and Ed's initial reaction that we deserve better from them.

Not a good way to start off the Holy season, I admit.

It's not all about us, it's not all about you -- it's about our 'family' as a unit and when one hurts, the rest of us should, too.

When you've needed us, we've been there. Now, we need you if for no other reason than to pay a visit, make a phone call or even send a text saying: "Everything will be okay. We love you and 'Big Guy' (as Ed is affectionately known) and, of course, we'll pray for him."

Not a lot to ask, I don't think.

So, we will continue on with the celebration of Christmas and family -- extended or otherwise -- doing our best to keep our spirits high and our hopes up for a good outcome for Ed.

I think of my blog friends every single day. EVERY DAY. Please know that and please forgive my absence and lack of participation in your lives. I do care...more than I have words.

Your support of me over the past few years has been more than what many in our 'real' lives have given and I am so grateful to each of you -- and with that, I wish you all love, joy, good health, peace and happiness that your hearts and lives can hold.

Merry Christmas, my friends.

Love,
~Jo

IN LOVING MEMORY

2010-11-30T17:13:00.000-08:00

Juneau 7-11-10 to 11-30-10

There just wasn't enough time with you -- wish you could have been with us longer.

Rest in peace, our darling beautiful girl -- may your journey to heaven be swift and our grief softened.

You brought such immense joy and happiness to our family. You are deeply, profoundly missed and loved.

*Personal note to my blog family: Thank you all for your prayers, concern, love and good thoughts -- they were felt.

I will be taking a leave of absence.

My love and best to you all until my return.

SHOULD-ING ON OURSELVES

2010-11-29T10:46:00.000-08:00

Hi, all. Back with a re-cap/update on our Juneau:

Last Wednesday -- the day before Thanksgiving -- our four month old Pomeranian (who, if I haven't already said it, has brought our family back to life) started showing signs of not feeling well. She was lethargic, not eating or drinking despite my efforts to get food and water in her.

By the evening time, it was clear we needed to take her to the vet where the unexpected prognosis was Parvo. They said it is highly contagious and running rampant right now and that it could have simply been brought in on someones shoes.

Juneau's had two sets of shots (both included the Parvo immunizations) but due to an oversight, we inadvertently missed her 16 weeks shots.

So, we brought her home with anti-vomiting/diarrhea meds and anti-biotics where we had to keep her isolated from our 11 year old black lab as well as my mother-in-law's dogs, whom we're watching until Dec 23rd.

On Thanksgiving I stayed home caring for Juneau in a room (giving her chicken and rice baby food, Pedia-Lite -- per doctors instructions -- and her meds...) while Ed, B and my Mom went to Ed's folks house -- I know this is confusing: it's Ed's biological mother who is on a month long cruise and it's Ed's Dad and step-Mom's (who is lovely and wonderful!) house they went to for the holiday.

Then on Thursday night Juneau started throwing up and making whiny noises -- so first thing Friday morning we took her back to the vet where they recommended she stay for two days to boost her treatment and we were to pick her up on Sunday.

When we weren't in constant contact with the vet calling several times a day to find out how she is -- we had a lot to do on our end: we began washing EVERYTHING in hot water and Clorox 2: all of our sheets, blankets, comforters, clothes, shoes, socks, gloves, scarves, beanies, throw pillows, rugs, dog beds, throws and my mother-in-law's dogs belongings, too...EVERYTHING.

Then we wiped down and cleaned and disinfected everything in our house where she may have had contact and proceeded to bleach our front and back yard and rented a 'Rug Doctor' where we then steam cleaned our carpet, furniture and area rugs. This went on for two and a half days and I reckon I did about 30-40 loads of laundry.

This is for Juneau's protection as well as our black lab and anyone who may enter who have animals.

Mind you, we're going through all this while still having to care for my mother-in-law's dogs while she's in Egypt, Morocco, Greece and The Holy Land. It's not their fault and they still deserve to be looked after as well as we're able -- unfortunately, they're bound to the garage (where they have food, water, blankets, pillows, toys, pee pads and a sofa as well as getting taken outside several times a day for fresh air) as they have to remain separate from the rest of the house/animals during this incubation/quarantine period for their protection as well as Juneau's and T.J.'s (our lab).

Since Wednesday I have lost 10 pounds (which I needed to) and have gotten little to no sleep.

In addition to which, we have depleted our bank account to try and save her life: we are now $1200 in this thing as her stay in the vet has shown little improvement and we are now giving her three more days of treatment there to give her more of a fighting chance -- we've come this far.

So, in addition to being worried sick about her and missing her -- there are also the logistics of finances we are dealing with.

In one year, we are now back to square one.

About five or six months ago when Ed and B said they wanted to get another dog (B's girlfriends Pomeranian had the puppies July 11th) I fought against it and fought hard.

All I could see were vet bills should something come up and I told them over and over -- I begged them, really -- let's not do this to ourselves as I knew B's girlfriend and her family (who raise Pomeranian's) would be able to find another good home for their puppies.

But Ed and B fell in love with one little white furry girl in particular and no amount of logic on my part could convince them otherwise, so, when she was eight weeks old -- to my chagrin and against my better judgement and wishes -- Juneau came to live with us.

Then I fell in love, too.

However, due to this, I am no longer able to see my therapist and had to write him a heart-wrenching E-mail saying that I simply can no longer afford him -- and so, I find it ironic that his words are befitting this very situation: he's always saying "We spend so much of our lives 'should-ing' on ourselves: we should have done this, we should have done that".....and so the story goes.

In this case, we shouldn't have. But...we did and I allowed it, therefore, I have a claim in the responsibility and predicament we find ourselves in financially and emotionally while also preparing for a bleak Christmas: financially and if Juneau doesn't make it.

So, I find myself with conflicted emotions teetering between anger, resentment, regret, sadness...and hope.

I'm going this afternoon to give the vet more money -- $380 of which we had to borrow so we can make rent, pay bills, have groceries and gas in the hopes that two more days will do the trick and bring us home a healthy Juneau.

For this to all be for naught would be cruel -- so, I'm asking once again to please keep Juneau in your prayers.

I'll be back with an update later this week -- my apologies for being a bad blog friend...it simply cannot be helped at this time.

Thinking of you all, thanking you for your good wishes and prayers and wishing you a joyous season.

Peace and serenity,
~Jo

FOR JUNEAU

2010-11-24T18:16:00.001-08:00

Just found out tonight that our 4 month old Pomeranian somehow contracted Parvo -- contracted from my mother-in-laws dogs that we're watching perhaps? Brought in from the street? Who knows.

Our lives have been turned upside down in the flash of a day...prognosis for her recovery isn't good -- 50/50 at best.

If any of you are praying people, please pray for her recovery and mostly her survival...she's come to mean so much to us and is responsible for bringing my little family back to life.

Thank you.

GONE TO THE DOGS

2010-11-22T10:04:00.000-08:00

Hi, my friends.

I've been saying for two weeks or more now that I need to get back on the proverbial blog horse...and then we were thrown for another loop -- nothing drastic or too serious, just a major inconvenience and season dampener....

Anyone who's followed me for a while now on this blog -- as well as my vegan blog, 'Rabbit Food' -- knows that I am an animal lover and advocate for a cruel free lifestyle.

So, when my mother-in-law called us late last week in a pickle (she is Ed's biological mother who came back into our lives last year after a 15 year absence -- we've been working on re-building the 'lost years') -- I was conflicted.

In July, Ed, B and I watched my mother-in-law's two high strung dogs for her for five weeks while she was in Europe -- five weeks was a long time for them and for us and our two furry family members (an 11 year old black lab mix named T.J. and our now 13 year old cat named Priscilla 'Prissy').

So, she's had a cruise planned for a while now where she is to go to Egypt, Morocco, Greece and The Holy Land. She is not due back until December 22nd.

She had arranged for an elderly gal to watch Coco and Candy during this trip -- Coco is a large 'Pomeranian' and Candy is a VERY highly strung barky, growling 'American Eskimo' and, if I were to be honest, a bit unlikable who eats her own poop then throws it up.

Those five weeks in July were stressful for all of us so I admit that we were quite relieved when she made other arrangements for them during her latest gallivanting across the globe.

Then came the phone call heard around the world -- okay, maybe just our neighborhood: the woman who was due to watch Candy and Coco had a heart attack this past week (as far as we know, she's doing as well as can be expected) and so that naturally put my mother-in-law in a last minute jam. Not to be all 'Star Wars-y' but apparently we were her 'only hope'.

Ed called with the news to ask my permission.

Could we do this yet again? Keep in mind, we have now added 'Juneau' to our clan, our own Pomeranian who is four months old now.

Did we want this disruption when we're all still getting acclimated on our end with Juneau?

What about all her nieces, nephews, sisters, etc. who haven't spoken to Ed and I in nearly 20 years (they naturally took her side in our decades long feud where we've been estranged and Ed lost all his cousins whom he had grown up like siblings with)???

Why couldn't any of them watch Candy and Coco?

I had to ask what may not have been an obvious question: Why are THEIR lives (as in my mother-in-law's other family members) more important than OURS?

So, instead of Ed saying: "We really can't. We can appreciate your predicament but with us having Juneau now, this would be too much. We're truly sorry and wish we could help." Instead he pulled the: "I have to ask Jo Anna" thing which, were I to say no, makes me what? A cruel bitch impervious to others bad luck and timing? Because, let's be honest here: this responsibility primarily falls on myself and my time and energy -- or lack-there-of.

So, I cried at home (literally) and then bemoaned to my therapist who advised me to rise above this and do my best: not to "catastrophise" it. In which I replied: "But I'm so good at it!" :D

Okay, well, this is what we have to do, right? No choice.

So, I cleaned up the garage for them laying down rugs, pillows, pee pads, etc. to make it as comfortable for them as possible anticipating having to separate them to keep peace with Juneau, T.J. and Prissy. I thought, well, I'll just have to feed them in there and let them live in there during this duration letting them out back separately several times a day -- and I can just forget all about decorating for Christmas don'tcha know!

But as I was cleaning and preparing their area (I even bought pheromone spray for the pee pads so they know to go potty on them and not all over the garage) a funny thing happened: Ed said: "I'm proud of you. You're not only doing the right thing but you listened to Paul (therapist) by making the best out of a bad situation."

And unbeknownst to me, I was.

So, she brought them over and Candy barked and growled for an hour straight while Juneau shook like a leaf and I thought; "This is already disastrous!". But animals have a way of working through these things on their own -- after a few days here, they are all quite comfortable and not much bothering with the other. The garage? They only sleep in it at night in their large crate. The rest of the time they're with us in the house. And yes, dog poop, pee and throw up is my present life. So be it.

Regardless of my feelings of her being a bad dog owner leaving them for a month at a time several times a year, and the fact that it's quite hard on them, too...there's simply nothing more to be done but for me to make the best of it for us all.

So, I'm afraid I won't be able -- as I hoped -- to be on-line and blogging/catching up much, but I will try my best to find balance and that elusive peace and serenity I'm always talking about.

And yes, I will decorate for Christmas.

Happy Thanksgiving and much love to all my blog friends.

AM I STILL A LIAR, LIAR WITH PANTS ON FIRE IF I HAVE A GOOD EXCUSE?

2010-11-11T11:15:00.000-08:00

First of all, Happy Veterans Day! As a daughter of a man who served in Korea and Vietnam, I am grateful!

I have missed being on here so much and I know I promised to catch up with everyone this week but....a funny thing happened on the way to my blog....

First, as previously reported, I was knee deep in anti-biotics courtesy of Bronchitis and on top of that I am entering the first stages of menopause.

All forms of pity are welcome.

Secondly, mine and Ed's God daughter was born yesterday.

I'd like to officially welcome to the world our beautiful Cailyn Marie born 11/10/10 @ 9:03 a.m. weighing in at 7 lbs. even, 18 1/2 inches long.

She is the closest thing we have to a grandchild -- and we are madly in love with her!

I'd like to thank her parents (our oldest "son" and his lovely wife) for giving us this gift.

WHAT'S BEEN AILING ME

2010-11-08T08:14:00.000-08:00

Hi, all. So sorry I've been absent of late -- been battling a bevy of issues including a bout of Bronchitis and female issues. Hold onto your hormones -- menopause, here I come!

I've missed my bloggy friends and am going to try to catch up this week!

In other news, I'd like to thank the geniuses at AT&T U-Verse for taking The Food Network Channel off it's programming.

I don't know what in the bloody hell you were thinking but this customer has had enough of paying $170.00 plus a month (cable, phone and Internet) to a company that has no regard for what the customers want.

Will now be looking at Direct T.V.

Until then, stay well, all. Enjoy this Autumn weather and I will be back this week to catch up with y'all.

By the way, my vegan blog, 'Rabbit Food', is today's 'Blogger Of Note' from W.O.W. ('Words Of Wisdom') where I posted an all vegan vegetable noodle soup recipe -- perfect for what may be ailing you.

Stay healthy!

GET YOUR PURPLE ON

2010-10-20T12:10:00.000-07:00

Support 'Spirit Day' by wearing purple in support of no more gay bullying!

I'm sickened in my heart and soul at the hatred and the high rate of suicides from gay bashing.

How many more have to die before one realizes that what others prefer -- in and out of the bedroom -- doesn't affect you? It has no bearing on your life -- you can only control YOUR thoughts and YOUR actions.

If it's consensual -- let it be.

I also take aim at the 'straight' reference: so, if someone isn't a heterosexual, what does that mean? They're crooked? I don't get it and I sure as hell don't like it.

I've never once referred to myself as 'straight' because it gives, to me anyway, such a negative connotation to those who are same sex oriented.

If I've said it once, I've said it 100 times -- love is love.

Let's aim for some peace now.

I'm wearing my purple -- are you?

"Always aim at complete harmony of thought and word and deed. Always aim at purifying your thoughts and everything will be well."
~Mahatma Gandhi

THE CORRECTIONS

2010-10-19T12:16:00.000-07:00

Nine years ago Oprah Winfrey picked author Jonathan Franzen's book 'The Corrections' as her book club choice -- and nine years ago in a fit of ambivalence and pretension, he turned her down.

Upon having recently acquired this book courtesy of Amazon.com, all I can say is thank God I didn't pay full price for this overblown piece of work. That's not to say I don't like it. I've poked around and took a gander: kicked the tires and looked under the hood. I'm not done but so far my thoughts are that the pretension of it's contents rivals this mans ego. It's intricate and interesting -- but that doesn't necessarily make for a good, easy read.

To be so self important and full of New York angst (a bit of a cliché, don't you think?) that he turns down an appearance on the biggest television show in history -- Oprah's book club can make or break sales -- is bewitching.

Like it or not this is the age in which we live: where it's no longer simply reviews of a newspaper that gets a readers attention, but the good word of a woman who wields unstoppable power and does so with fairness and generosity.

You want to turn that down? Then you're going to have to wait for readers like myself to wait nine years to purchase said work used instead of paying full price brand new.

Must be nice to live with that kind of arrogance, self assurance and bemused entitlement.

What brings all this on is this woman's willingness to forgive and forget and once again pick Mr. Franzen's latest novel, 'Freedom', as her latest book club choice.

She's a better woman than I am.

In reading 'The Corrections' (and granted, I'm still early on), it is so full of it's own virtues (or I should say Mr. Franzen is) that it is yet unclear whether I will go on to read 'Freedom'.

Ask me in nine years.

The story revolves around the aging Lambert's; Enid and Alfred, who is suffering the affects of Parkinson's.

They have three grown children (two sons and a daughter) who have long flown the coop, each with their own failings and copious of issues which they keep from their parents.

My thing is this: I simply love to read. It's a good pastime. It's a way to self educate, motivate and get lost in a world unlike you're own.

I don't pretend to read Hemingway but I've been known to read Jane Austen, Dan Brown as well as Nora Roberts.

I'm not hard to please nor am I a book snob.

I can handle Jonathan Franzen's book, but I don't want to. I don't want to handle anything -- I want a book to be an easy, smooth ride.

This is a hard read and while I'm intelligent enough to get it (shhh--don't tell anyone: I call it 'my dirty little secret') -- 'The Corrections' makes itself clear in the first chapter alone that it doesn't want to be got.

I like words which is part of the reason why I don't subscribe to the 'LOL' (Laugh Out Loud) movement -- no offense if you do.

So, for me to think that this book is too much, well then, it must be.

One word comes to mind to describe all it's pretension and that of the author in question: 'Sesquipedalian'.

If any of you saw the movie 'Love Happens' (not usually a fan of Jennifer Aniston nor her movies, but this is one worth watching) then you probably know what this word means: It means someone who uses long and/or not frequently used/known words.

THIS is Jonathan Franzen.

In the first chapter we have: 'Zoysia', 'Metasound', 'Metallurgy', 'Protoplasm', 'Rhodium', 'Cadmium', 'bismuth', 'Aqua Regia', 'Gubernatorial' 'Crepuscular', 'Corpuscles' and 'Corpuscularity'.

I don't know what, if anything, the author is trying to prove -- but for me, a reasonably intelligent and open-minded book lover, the only thing he's proving is that after this, I doubt I'll be buying anymore of his books. Nine years old, used, UN-used or not.

For now, my copy of 'The Corrections' shall go on to remain palimpsest -- and that will have to do me.

Take that word, Mr. Franzen, and smoke it in your pipe. Don't forget the ascot.

AUTUMN COMFORT FOOD AND GOOD FRIENDS

2010-10-13T09:04:00.000-07:00

Have you met Marianne and Susie yet? No????

Well, go to my profile page to get to my 'STRANGER THAN DICTION' blog and meet this Mother and Daughter duo who have warmed my heart and have become part of my extended family in my story titled; "MORE THAN A FEELING".

I'm only on chapter two so it's not too late to catch up and read the prologue and chapter one to acquaint yourselves and go back in time to 1978 and visit them in the fictional southern California seaside community of 'Aigean Bay'.

I also just posted a vegan pumpkin pancake recipe on my 'Rabbit Food' blog (you can get to 'Rabbit Food' by clicking on the 'Rabbit Food' blog button on my side bar -- I have yet to have one made for 'STRANGER THAN DICTION').

Comfort food and good friends in Autumn go hand-in-hand.

A 10-10-10 BIRTHDAY

2010-10-11T08:35:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was my Mom's 77th birthday, which just so happened to land on 10-10-10. A day noted for clearly being once in a lifetime -- so much so that many chose to get married on this rare occasion.

However, for us -- it was simply fulfilling a small wish for my Mom: she had never been to Malibu.

Being a fish-n-chips aficionado, she had asked to go to Malibu (home of Peppardine University) on her special day and partake in her favorite fare -- of course, this left me with only French fries and a salad but it wasn't about me. Damn.

She had heard of a famous fish place there called 'Neptune's Net' however, Ed got on-line and did some digging around to discover there's another place there that was rated much higher for their superb fish-n-chips -- and it did not disappoint:

Malibu Fish Market

Right off Pacific Coast Highway (PCH), stands a little hole in the wall shack with faded paint and boasting only outdoor seating....with a line going around the building.

We knew then we had made the right choice.

My Mom thought it was the best she ever had -- the spectacular ocean view didn't hurt, either -- and that right there made it worth the nearly two hour drive cramped in the backseat with my Mom and B's girlfriend (with Ed and B in the front).

Okay, I had to get that in. I'm done.

Mmmm....maybe not.

Mom declared me from the time I was little to be a "bad traveler" -- never have truer words been spoken. I HATE it. I don't know if it's my anxiety, the length, my being prone to motion sickness (although I didn't do too badly in that respect yesterday), claustrophobic, or if I'm just antsy but once we were in Malibu, my body had enough and I needed desperately to get out of that back seat (quite the contrary to high school but that's another story).

Of course, this made good fodder for B ("Your 77 year old Mom hasn't complained once") who exchanged places with me for the ride home so he didn't have "listen to me". For the record, 75% of the trip up there, I was fine and didn't complain until about an hour and a half into the drive.

I'm not real big on leaving my house anyway so for me to venture that far away from home (trust me, we live NO WHERE near Malibu and it's swank) was indeed a big deal for me that apparently went unnoticed.

Humorous anecdote of the days travels came courtesy of B: "Even their bums are nicer here".

T.V. YOU SHOULD BE WATCHING

2010-10-08T14:25:00.001-07:00

I am a 'T.V.-aholic' to be sure. It's our form of entertainment -- it's what we do. We don't do theater, movies or restaurants. Nor do we frequent museums.

But what we do do is use what we pay for. How many times have we thought there are so many channels and nothing on? How many of us pay our cable bill and wonder what the hell for?

If you're one of those who says there's nothing on, you're not paying attention.

Other than a select few ('Modern Family', 'Community', 'The Amazing Race', 'Survivor'), I'm not real big on network T.V.

However, last year 'Parenthood' came to us courtesy of Tuesday nights on NBC.

If any of you saw the movie of the same name in 1989, this is T.V.'s take with Craig T. Nelson (fantastic as always!) as the patriarch of the Braverman Clan, produced by Ron Howard and Brian Grazer who also did the film.

It's well written, witty and holds a superb cast including Lauren Graham (of 'The Gilmore Girls'), Peter Krause (of 'Six Feet Under'), Erika Christensen ('The Upside OF Anger', 'The Banger Sisters' and 'Traffic' just to name a few) and Dax Shepard ('When In Rome', 'Baby Mama') as the Braverman siblings still struggling with their parents, each other and the world and their role in it as parents themselves.

It's audience is slipping this season and for selfish reasons, I'd like to see it fight it's way out of the ratings war and remain in my living room -- once you see it, you'll wish for the same.

But what about all those shows on Cable?

Let me weed them out for you (no pun intended):

Showtime:

~'Weeds' (currently in progress)

~'Californication' (next season starts this winter)

~'Nurse Jackie' (on hiatus 'til winter or spring)

~'U.S. Of Tara' (on hiatus 'til winter or spring)

**You can catch up on all these shows on 'Showtime On Demand'. Well worth the watch.

In the meantime, Showtime has produced a new show this season called 'The Big C' that is nothing short of brilliant starring film actress Laura Linney as Cathy, a suburban housewife and mom to a typical teenage son who discovers that she has a fatal form of Melanoma and is deciding to keep her diagnosis (and grim prognosis) to herself.

Always having been the 'good girl', she is changing all that now and taking control of what little life she has left by kicking her fun-loving but childish husband to the curb (played by the always wonderful and underrated, Oliver Platt) and living a no-holds-barred existence. Surrounded by her humorous but homeless brother and feisty older neighbor, Cathy is finding support in the unlikeliest of places.

Each season of the show deals with Cathy's last season: For example, this season's show takes place in summer (next shows season will be autumn, etc.).

Not sure how the producers tend to deal with her impending death and/or if Cathy will ever decide to tell her family about her cancer -- but whatever happens, dare I say, she makes this show fun to watch.

Over on HBO we have 'Bored To Death' (now in season 2) starring Jason Schwartzman as 'Jonathan Ames'; a one hit wonder novelist turned private investigator (via 'Craigslist' ads!) as a way to make ends meet -- and fight boredom. He finds himself in precarious situations in a film noir-esque manner that is a scream to watch!

Co-starring (are you ready for this?) Zach Galifianakis as Jonathan's best friend, Ray, and Ted Danson as George, his friend and sometimes boss.

In spite of my -- and America's -- on-going love affair with the hilarious Zach Galifiankis ('The Hangover'), it's Ted Danson who steals the spotlight here as Jonathan's stoner friend and the consummate 'wait for me guy' who never wants to miss out on anything -- er, regardless of what it is:

George: "Hi, Jonathan -- what are you doing?"

Jonathan: "Oh, hi George. I'm taking Ray to get a colonic."

George: "I want one! I want a colonic."

This series will steal your heart -- and if anyone can find it, it's 'Jonathan Ames'!

*Look for 'Bored To Death' on HBO Sunday nights and on 'HBO On Demand'.

Lastly, we have HBO's newest series 'Boardwalk Empire' -- produced by none other than Martin Scorcese -- starring the underrated, and one of my all time (and long time) favorite actors, Steve Buscemi ('Fargo') as Enoch 'Nucky' Thompson: a man who lives two lives as Atlantic City's upstanding Treasurer....and powerful gangster.

In addition to striking rich by the presence of Steve Buscemi, the set and costume designs alone are worth the watch: the creators actually reproduced Atlantic City's 1920's boardwalk which took months to build and recreate in order to further authenticate 'Boardwalk Empire'.

This series begins the tale of the uprising of the American gangster in 1920's Atlantic City at the beginning of prohibition.

You also see the rising of such gangsters as Al Capone as well as the yin/yang of Buscemi's character struggling with public image and civic duty...and greed.

As one character tells 'Nucky'; "You can't be half a gangster anymore".

I'm not so sure. If anyone can pull it off, it's Steve Buscemi and Martin Scorcese

WE THE PEOPLE

2010-10-05T13:47:00.001-07:00

Hi, all. It's been a few weeks since I've posted and all I can really say for myself is -- I have no idea why.

Well, I have a few guesses: I've been battling my I.B.S. (Irritable Bowel Syndrome -- aren't you happy you tuned in???) or rather I should say, it's been battling me while I sit there (literally) like an unarmed soldier waiting hopelessly to be slaughtered by the enemy -- or have mercy shown on my person.

Stress does incredible things to ones body and spirit.

Also, been taking care of Juneau -- our now 10 week old Pomeranian.

The other reason I suppose is that I simply haven't been feeling particularly inspired.

I don't delude myself that every day there needs to be that moment of sought after enlightenment -- however, instead it's been all I can do just to brush my teeth.

I've been with stomach cramps and low energy and feel my depression kicking in worse than ever.

How could this possibly be with us planning a long awaited trip to Maine to see my best friend????

Because the logistics and planning of it are going to be a little tougher than we already thought it would be with the announcement that Ed's work is cutting overtime in half, thus making his income about a $1000 less a month -- money we were counting on to save for this trip, sock away in the bank and help pay for B's education.

It's truly a case of one step forward and two backwards and is going to take a tricky high wire act to pull off.

In other news, I am sad to see a very good blog friend (who's name out of respect and privacy I shall not give away) be chased off his blog by nothing short of vindictiveness and maliciousness.

This person who has given such inspiration to me and countless others -- who has been a great supporter and good friend -- decided voluntarily to shut down his blog due to someone contacting people in his family to 'tattle' on his blog content.

This friend is a survivor of horrific abuse and reached out to so many through his accounts by purging himself of the demons that plagued him.

A blog is ones own personal outlet to write about what they choose and for someone to seek it out only to use it against him dates back to the McCarthy era: the second coming of the Salem witch trials.

It's an umbrage and affront to our first amendment and something we should all take very personally.

I am so sorry to have seen this happen in a day and age where I thought red and yellow (cowardice) were behind us.

May blue skies be yours once again, my friend. You have my undying support always.

This comes just after this news:

"AOL News (Sept. 29) -- Iran sentenced a Canadian-Iranian blogger known as the Blogfather to 19 and a half years in prison and reportedly told his family they should be happy he was not sentenced to death.

Hossein Derakhshan, 35, was convicted for "cooperation with hostile states, propagating against the regime, propagation in favor of anti-revolutionary groups, insulting sanctities, and implementation and management of obscene websites," according to the conservative news site Mashreqhnews.ir, as translated by the International Campaign for Human Rights in Iran.

Hossein Derakhshan, a Canadian-Iranian blogger known as the Blogfather, has been sentenced in Iran to 19 and a half years in prison. He has been a key figure in Iran's active blogging scene and a vocal advocate for free expression.
Derakhshan's former wife, Marjan Alemi, called the sentence "a tragedy," telling Canadian television CTV that she believed the regime had signaled a death penalty was imminent "so that when they give out 19 years, his family was actually happy."

'Such a long jail term has never before been imposed on a blogger in Iran and is indicative of a desire to make an example out of Derakhshan,' the advocacy organization Reporters without Borders said in a statement.

That judgment came amid reports that Isa Saharkhiz, 56, a prominent opposition journalist, was sentenced earlier this week to three years in prison, according to The New York Times: two years for insulting Iran's supreme leader, Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, and another one for promulgating propaganda against the Iranian regime. At his trial earlier this summer, Saharkhiz appeared in leg irons and called for Khamenei's prosecution for countenancing what he said was the continued torture of political prisoners.

Saharkhiz's case grew out of Iran's disputed presidential election in June 2009, which led to large street protests and bloody conflicts between protesters and government security forces. According to Amnesty International, some 70 journalists are in Iranian prisons, many of them awaiting trial.

Derakhshan is something of a special case. Born in Iran, he went to college in Canada and later became a Canadian citizen. Under the name "Hoder," he became a key figure in Iran's active blogging scene, which some say he inspired by posting blogging instructions in Farsi 10 years ago, earning himself the Blogfather moniker.

Derakhshan remained a vocal advocate of free expression, but also became a supporter of the policies of President Mahmoud Ahmedinejad. According to Alemi, he was invited to return to Iran by an organization close to the president in 2008, but was arrested by the Revolutionary Guards once he got there and has been detained in Tehran's Evin Prison ever since. Reporters Without Borders calls him "a collateral victim of infighting between the Revolutionary Guards and the Iranian intelligence services."

Jeff Jarvis, a prominent U.S. blogger and new-media advocate, wrote that he was "personally heartbroken" by the sentence. "No matter what his opinions were or what opinions you may have had about him, that doesn't matter now. We should all be outraged," he wrote.

In a statement, Canadian Foreign Minister Lawrence Cannon said Canada "was deeply concerned by reports of this severe sentence against Mr. Derakhshan," which its officials were still seeking to confirm. Cannon said Derakhshan's situation "is complicated by his dual nationality, which is not recognized by the Iranian authorities. Iran must release him and other dual nationals who have been unjustly detained."

::Back to your regularly scheduled program::

Shock and outrage do not begin to cover the spectrum of my emotions over this.

Then -- to wildly switch gears here -- comes last night's Miami Dolphins Vs. New England Patriots Monday night football game. Living with two die hard Miami Dolphins fans, it wasn't the brutal 27 point loss that disheartened me -- nor the disappointed look on Ed's and B's faces -- but rather the blatant disrespect of the halftime show.

With October being 'Breast Cancer Awareness Month', I was thrilled to see the NFL embracing PINK and commemorating this well deserved cause by everyone wearing pink ribbons and the players with pink gloves, mouth guards, cleats, etc.

Then comes the half time show where they exploited survivors by having them walk on the field -- only to then be surrounded by cleavage bearing, bouncing, silicone induced cheerleaders.

What a tasteless, disgusting act of vulgarity. These survivors -- and the audience -- weren't treated to awareness, but instead were treated to insensitivity.

Seems to be a recurring theme.

STRANGER THAN DICTION

2010-09-25T14:39:00.000-07:00

For those of you who like fiction -- I began a blog titled 'STRANGER THAN DICTION' (which you can get to from my profile page) where I am showcasing an original piece of work that I have been working on for over a year now. A few weeks ago I posted the prologue and today I just posted chapter one.

I hope you'll join me over there and give me your feedback.

Some people paint, sew, crochet, knit, do crafts, make jewelry---I write.

Much peace, serenity and creativity,
~Jo

BECAUSE SOMETIMES YOU JUST GOTTA

2010-09-22T15:00:00.000-07:00

I did something BIG -- something huge that would normally require planning and agreement with all parties concerned (meaning Ed and B).

I made plans.

Not plans to go to dinner or what movie to see (both of which we rarely do) but major plans that will involve many details, researching and financial planning -- you are the first to know, even before Ed and B.

But allow me to intentionally digress here before I go even further. Last night was tense. Without naming names or giving away personal details, let me just say that suddenly and quite shockingly, things exploded here at home.

It's something that rarely occurs but when it does, it occurs big. Monumentally huge.

Ed went to bed upset and angry, I went to bed upset and angry and B just...left.

Apologies were made but the fact remains that things got personal and forgiving and forgetting won't be so easy this time.

There will be another person going with me to therapy on Friday -- the first time this has happened.

But that's not the plans I made.

A few days ago I posted about my calling my best friend in Maine, Sue. And how after just a few minutes of talking, we both felt like nothing had changed -- all the time and distance hasn't affected our friendship.

Out of the blue, she calls me this morning. How she knew I needed this is beyond me. With puffy and swollen eyes I had been battling with my emotions all morning, going over and over the events of last night...then she called.

And out of nowhere I made a promise. I made a promise to my best friend whom I haven't seen in 20 years.

I made a promise to her -- on this first day of Autumn -- that this coming summer, I am getting on a plane and flying to visit her. And I'm taking Ed and B with me.

This will come as news to them.

It came as news to me.

I think I'm just tired of hearing and reading about everyone else's fun and good times -- fun with family and friends. So, I'm cultivating my own life and the events in it.

I'm not a spontaneous kind of gal -- especially with something as big as this. Our two day Catalina Island trip took me two months of planning and the most spontaneous thing I've ever done was get my nose pierced, recently (yes, it hurt!).

It would seem I'm simply finding my salt.

This is one case where buyers remorse won't be setting in. This is something that's been a long time coming and I'm going through with it with no apologies.

With Sue's hectic work schedule as a cardiology nurse and family with problems just like every other, it would be impossible for her, financially and otherwise, to come here. So, I am coming to her...AND we're getting matching tattoos.

And I'm doing it as carefree as making dinner reservations or buying a movie ticket....because sometimes you just gotta.

Nike would be so proud.

REACH OUT AND TOUCH SOMEONE

2010-09-18T09:45:00.000-07:00

Very often we read blogs and kind of go through the motions -- always reading and mostly caring (let's be honest) but not always connecting.

As you may know, I belong to 'SITS' blogging group which helps sway bloggers over to that days featured blog.

Today was just another such day and so, I meandered with as LITTLE enthusiasm as I could muster and found my way to 'ENJOYING THE SMALL THINGS' by Kellie (you can get to Kellie's blog under 'Blogs I Follow' in my profile).

I thought; "Great. Another 'Mommy Blog'. Yay."

Normally I steer away from the 'Mommy Blogs' -- no disrespect intended; as I wrote to Kellie myself, I just feel that as a Mom with two grown children, I've 'been there, done that' and prefer to read like-minded blogs instead.

It's just a personal choice and again, no disrespect was meant to those who dedicate their blogs to raising children. I've written many times in previous posts that were blogging available back when I was raising kids, I may very well have been one such 'Mommy blogger' myself.

What would I have titled it? I wonder...

*'Ed and me = C and B'?

*'C and B + 2 more = 4'?

*'The 4 Leaf Clover'?

*'Tales From One Exhausted, Ill Equipped And Well Intentioned Mama' seems more likely and appropriate because, as the great line from 'Terms Of Endearment' said, in regards to parenting: "As hard as you think it's going to be, you end up wishing it was that easy".

But I digress....

So, today I met Kellie -- not sure if she has met me yet. My long and verbose comment to her today will either compel her my way to meet this Kooky west coaster -- or frighten her and make her run for the hills.

As I wrote to Kellie, meanings and tone can be easily misunderstood in writing.

Especially since I'm not one who partakes in the overly used 'LOL' movement so popular in texts and chat.

Regardless, her post MOVED me...it moved me to tears in fact.

Kellie doesn't need me to 'follow her' -- Kellie has over 7000 followers.

Nonetheless, she now has one more.

Kellie, who hails from Florida, relayed the story -- and did so quite poignantly with beautiful pictures she took herself to boot! -- of how she connected with a Montana woman. She connected so well, in fact, that she flew with her two youngin's in tow to Montana to meet this woman, who also has two kids the same gender who are also right about the same age as Kellie's.

Reading her well written words about spiritual connection tugged at my heart.

It tugged so hard it made me pick up the phone and call my best friend, Sue, who lives in Maine and whom I haven't seen in nearly 20 years.

There's no real connection for me here where we reside, I know that now -- it's just simply a place we live and work. The connections I don't have, B does, and that's what's keeps us here.....but once upon a time, I had a friend. A good one. A best one. I still do, in fact.....

Sue and I met in high school when I moved to Colorado at the age of 14 to live with my Dad and step-Mom -- Sue lived down the street.

We got into plenty of trouble together and saw each other through the ups and downs of adolescence for the few years I was there. I always wondered how this good student and cheerleader and I became best friends. Me? This girl from southern California who left behind very few, if any, friends when I moved.

She was the epitome of my 'new beginning' there and although we couldn't be farther apart in this country now, we have still managed to transcend time and distance.

We weren't there for the milestones: we didn't make it to each others graduations, weddings and births of our children....but we still managed to maintain this friendship through the years -- I even have a framed picture of her and her husband on my rattan shelf in my living room. So, in a sense, I see her every day.

It had been a while since either of us had connected with the other; she's busy being a Cardiology nurse (who went back to school at the age of 40 to become so), wife, Mom to three grown children and a grandmother.

To hear her New England voice when she picked up the phone and to hear her say; "Jo Anne?" (as she's always called me even though it's Jo Anna -- she knows that, of course, and it tickles me every time!) as if I couldn't have called at a more perfect time, as if hearing my voice was just what she needed at that moment.

We couldn't talk long as she was waiting for a ride from her sister-in-law to go to a family birthday party but we managed to get in a few snippets: "Cassidy is in her second year of Junior college and works as 'Best Buy'...". "B is in junior college, too, oh, and we have a new puppy!"

She spoke briefly about her newly divorced older son and that her daughter, Cassidy and B would probably be good friends if they knew each other.

She has a middle son but we couldn't get to that as in the background her dog began barking alerting her, and me, that her ride had indeed arrived.

However, it matters not how brief the conversation, it was simply a few moments of comfort knowing that she was there, that I reached out and touched her today -- and in doing so she could never possibly know how much she has touched me.

One of these days, I said to myself, one of these days I am going to fly to Maine -- and reach out to my best friend.

So, thank you, Kellie, for your beautiful post today that made me reach out for a much needed connection.

I needed that -- and so do you.

Make that long overdue phone call, send a 'Thinking Of You' card or even purchase those airline tickets you've been putting off to go see a long lost friend.

Reach out and touch someone...and enjoy the small things.

MOON AND MERCURY MEET THE STARS

2010-09-17T09:52:00.000-07:00

In an upcoming yet to be titled film biopic, Mike Myers will be playing KEITH MOON, the troubled and destructive drummer from 'The Who' (Ed's all time favorite band!) who -- in addition to having enormous talent -- was infamous for blowing up toilets and trashing the hotel rooms that housed them.

Keith Moon died in 1978 of a prescription overdose that was intended to treat his alcoholism.

Also up is Sacha Baron Cohen as 'Queen's' lead singer, Freddie Mercury, who died from complications of AIDS in 1991.

My love of music -- and rock & roll in particular -- is evident in my new blog 'STRANGER THAN DICTION' (which you can get to from my profile page) where I am posting a story I came up with about love, life, coming of age and rock & roll in the late 1970's. Mostly fiction with little pieces of me and my family weaved through...

Thus, I am naturally quite interested to see the dynamics where these two stars take on two planets.

Brilliant, catastrophic casting!

RE-POST THREE: THE KING AND I

2010-09-15T10:24:00.000-07:00

In today's "SITS' challenge, we are to re-post a post we are particularly proud of.

Yesterday's post/challenge didn't garner any attention or comments and, I admit I'm becoming a bit weary of why I am doing this, is it going anywhere, is there a point and is there even anyone out there reading this?

I realize, of course, that this is inconsistent to my comment yesterday about not having that many comments and being okay with it.

I was never a popular gal (in school nor in life) and this blog of late is kind of re-enforcing and re-visiting those insecurities for me at the age of 44.

Call it peri-menopause or simply a case of 'cry-babyitis'. Either way, ignore it.

In any case, without further adieu, here is a post I wrote back in June about the Tudor Dynasty.

I am quite proud of this one as I consider it not only historically accurate but also well written with a myriad of information.

Hope you enjoy it.

'THE END OF A DYNASTY' written on 6/25/10:

A few nights ago Ed and I watched the series finale of 'The Tudors'. For those of you who may be unfamiliar with the Showtime series, 'The Tudors' was a four seasons long adaptation of the reign of King Henry VIII, whose last name, of course, was Tudor.

Starring in the titular role was the gorgeous Irish actor, Jonathon Rhys Meyers who artistically nailed King Henry's tyrannical demeanor.

Jonathon Rhys Meyers as Henry VIII

What Henry Tudor wanted, Henry Tudor got and Jonathon Rhys Meyers did a beautiful job of portraying someone whom we really have no idea how he sounded, walked or even looked as even the well known paintings of the infamous king should really be viewed with an abstract eye as most paintings of that era portray everyone -- men and women alike -- as pretty much looking the same with heavily lidded eyes and small mouths. I, personally and in my humble opinion, attribute this more to the artistry of the era rather than accuracy.

What we do know is that King Henry VIII changed the face of religion as we know it today and added divorce to our vocabulary.

Throughout the series, Ed and I remained perpetually in awe of this man who wielded unstoppable power.

*Season one saw Henry married to Catherine of Aragon of Spain, his brothers widow.

Maria Doyle Kennedy as Catherine Of Aragon

They have one child, a daughter; Lady Mary.

Henry, in addition to being King, of course, was also a virile man, supposedly quite good looking and charming allowing him to have any woman he desired in his bed chambers, and he did, having several illegitimate children along the way.

When he meets Anne Boleyn, it is then -- with Anne Boleyn's encouragement and manipulation -- that he becomes increasingly dissatisfied and distasteful of the much beloved by the people, Queen Catherine, who miscarried numerous times unable to bore him a son, with Henry then seeking to annul their marriage so he could marry Ms. Boleyn (whose older sister, Mary, as history tells it, allegedly bore the King's illegitimate son whom Henry wouldn't acknowledge).

When the pope refuses to grant him an annulment, Henry puts in motion to make himself the head of the Church Of England, thus making his own rules and religion and 'divorcing' Queen Catherine to marry Anne Boleyn.

Natalie Dormer as Anne Boleyn

Queen Catherine died shortly thereafter alone and in poverty by royal standards.

History: Lady Mary, of course, would later become known in her short reign as 'Bloody Mary' for her burning of hundreds of so-called heretics when she tried to reinstate Catholicism as England's only religion and denouncing protestants as heretics.

Sarah Bolger as Lady Mary

*In season two we see Anne Boleyn then crowned and married to King Henry as his second wife and already pregnant with Elizabeth who was born in September of that year. After several miscarriages thereafter and not producing Henry a son, he soon becomes bored with Anne and starts courting his future wife, Jane Seymour.

Cries of alleged heresy and incest with her brother surrounds Anne and she is soon imprisoned, tried for treason, found guilty (though she was not) and ultimately, infamously beheaded. Elizabeth was not yet three.

History:

Anne later becomes a sympathetic figure in the women's movement and their daughter, Elizabeth, 'The Virgin Queen', becomes the longest female ruler in England's history (this was, of course, prior to England being united with Ireland, Scotland and Wales to become the U.K. with the title then later belonging to Queen Victoria) with her reign known as 'The Golden years'-- she was the last of the Tudor dynasty.

Laoise Murray (right) as Elizabeth Tudor

*Season three opens with Henry marrying who is said to be the true love of his life, Jane Seymour, Henry's third wife.

Annabelle Wallis as Jane Seymour

Jane was said to be a gentle, agreeable woman and whom encouraged good relations with Henry's daughters, Mary and Elizabeth, who went largely ignored by their father.

She gives birth to their son, Edward VI, but dies less than two weeks later from post-natal complications, sending Henry into a long period of grieving.

History: Jane Seymour was the only one of Henry's wives to receive a queens funeral.

Henry is then advised he must have a queen and it is arranged for him to marry Anne Of Cleves, a German noblewoman, who would become Henry's fourth wife.

Joss Stone as Anne Of Cleves

However, Henry is immediately dissatisfied in not being attracted to Anne and has the marriage soon annulled, bestowing upon Anne a home, generous income and the royal title of Henry's 'sister'.

Anne is particularly close to Henry's daughters and Henry and Anne remain good friends, often visiting and playing cards -- she becomes one of his confidants.

History:

Edward VI was nine when Henry died and thus became ruler of England under his maternal uncle's (Jane Seymour's brother, Edward Seymour) guardianship and guidance.

King Henry's daughters, Mary and Elizabeth, were deemed illegitimate and therefore, not eligible at that time for ruling England: Mary was deemed illegitimate due to Henry's annulment from her Mother, Catherine Of Aragon. Elizabeth was deemed illegitimate due to her Mother's, Anne Boleyn's, execution.

Edward VI died when he was fifteen naming Lady Jane Grey, Henry's great-niece (oldest granddaughter of Henry's long deceased sister, Mary), the successor to Edward's throne.

Very soon after, Parliament declared Henry's eldest daughter, Mary, the rightful queen and reinstated her as such.

Lady Jane Grey was then executed less than two weeks after her succession to the throne for high treason.

Lady Jane Grey became a protestant martyr for centuries.

*Season four, and the final season, shows Henry now married to fifteen year old Catherine Howard, his fifth wife (and Anne Boleyn's cousin), with a renewed vigor for the aging king who is painfully afflicted with gout.

Tamzin Merchant as Catherine Howard

Catherine is young, immature, ill prepared and disinterested in her duties as queen. She is also immensely disliked by Henry's eldest daughter, Lady Mary.

Catherine's youth is the catalyst for her bad decisions, including allowing several people into her service who know of her past affairs as well as Catherine then beginning an affair with one of the Kings courtiers, Thomas Culpeper.

This is all soon found out and she becomes the second wife of Henry's to be tried for treason, found guilty (unlike Anne Boleyn, Catherine was guilty) and beheaded.

Catherine and Henry had no children.

History:

After her arrest, Catherine Howard admitted her past liaisons prior to meeting and marrying Henry but would never admit to an affair with Thomas Culpeper although it is alleged that her last words before the blade struck were: "I die a Queen, but I would rather have died the wife of Culpeper."

Upon her house arrest prior to being taken to the tower for imprisonment and, ultimately, her execution, it is said that Catherine Howard escaped the guards and ran to Henry screaming and begging for her life.

It is said Catherine's ghost still roams the palace halls re-enacting this scene.

The end of 'The Tudors' final season shows Henry's interest in Katharine Parr, a twice married protestant wealthy widow.

Joely Richardson as Katharine Parr

While she does not necessarily love Henry at first, she nonetheless marries him, thus becoming his sixth and final wife, and carries on her duties efficiently.

She is well informed, kind, intelligent and deeply loves Henry's children. In fact, it is she who reinstates the Lady Mary and Lady Elizabeth back at the palace, thus, helping them grow closer to their father.

In spite of the new queens love for her, Lady Mary, due to her strong Catholic beliefs, goes on a quest to have her new protestant step-mother denounced as a heretic and tries, with the help of an ambitious and pious clergyman, to have her arrested.

Their plot is unsuccessful due to interference from Henry.

Katharine Parr and Henry had no children together.

History:

Prior to Henry's death -- at the age of 55 in 1547 -- he told Katharine that she will be treated and regarded as Queen of England even after his death. She was also granted a generous stipend from Henry's fortune and was given his blessing for her to remarry with no interference of her income and status.

She then married Thomas Seymour (another one of Jane's brother's), her fourth husband, six months after the kings death, causing a small scandal. Thomas Seymour and Katharine were having an affair prior to her marrying Henry, however, there is no evidence to suggest that the affair continued during her marriage to the king.

Katharine and Thomas Seymour had a little girl named Mary in August of 1548.

Katharine died a month after giving birth to Mary at the age of 35 due to post-natal complications, as was quite common back then. Katharine's husband, Thomas Seymour, was executed when Mary was one due to treason.

Not much is known about Mary Seymour although it is speculated that she was orphaned penniless as it is said her late Mother's wealth was later confiscated by the crown.

It is suggested that Mary Seymour didn't live past the age of ten after being passed around from family to family.

There are also speculations saying she indeed grew to see adulthood marrying a member of the household of Queen Anne Of Denmark.

Another theory suggests she became a lady in waiting to Elizabeth I.

The end of the series:

During the reign of King Henry VIII, we see him execute Sir Thomas More, Cardinal Wolsey, Secretary Cromwell and Lord Surrey -- all one time friends and advisers of the king.

In the end, we see a re-emergence of most of Henry's dead wives in the series finale come back to chide and taunt him in his near death state.

Henry is left with but one true friend, Charles Brandon, the one he's had the longest, and not since the death of Henry's beloved third wife, Jane Seymour, do we see such a decline and grief in the king as we do when Charles dies.

Henry Cavill as Charles Brandon

Henry, in a fit of uncharacteristic generosity, insists on Charles being buried in the royal cemetery, with full honors and fully paid for by the king.

It was this moment of immortality and rare humanity that touched me at the end of this series the most.

We don't see Henry die, instead we see him commission what will become the most famous painting of the king and as he sees it's unveiling, we see Henry reflecting back on the glory days of his reign, his loves, his children, his tyranny, his life.

We then see in slow motion the grim reaper on a white horse coming towards a youthful king....

Well done and....long live the king.

RE-DO PART TWO--THE ONE I WISH YOU READ

2010-09-14T12:54:00.000-07:00

Today's 'SITS' challenge is to re-post a blog we wish more people had read and/or responded to.

This post was just written on 8/31/10 and is one of my most personal -- unfortunately, it didn't garner much attention....so I am re-posting it for the 'SITS' challenge blogging week.

Of course, I'm not one of those bloggers who have 200 plus followers and get 20, or even 10, comments anyway -- but I've always said that's okay. I accept that.

As I've said before, not everyone is going to be everyone else's cup of tea.

As always for the 'SITS' challenges this week I am to mention the sponsors of this blogging event: 'Standards of Excellence', 'Westar Kitchen and Bath', and 'Florida Builder Appliances' (you can get to their links from the SITS website).

This post below re-caps my distrust of people and why I have trouble making and keeping friends -- female ones especially.

Those of you who have a network of support and plethora of friends -- you're very blessed and lucky.

So, here it is, "THE THERAPISTS COUCH: MY HISTORY WITH WOMEN' written on 8/31/10:

I sure am bored of these re-runs.

So, in order to learn to change the channel, I see my therapist once every two weeks.

Poor guy doesn't know what hit him.

Last session he asked what I'm doing for myself and I told him that I did recently renew my subscription to Pogo.com: an on-line gaming site: $40.00 for a year of entertainment.

That counts, yeah?

*Side note: if any of you are Pogo subscribers, my screen name is ejcbtheshamrock4 and you can typically find me playing 'Lottso!' on any given day.

You may now return to your regularly scheduled program.

Last year when Ed and I didn't know where our next meal would come from or how we would pay our mounting bills with his wages being garnished while we were in the middle of filing bankruptcy (Phew! That's a mouthful!), my Pogo subscription ran out and I made the wise choice to not renew.

$40.00, as most of you will concur, is gold when you're flat broke.

There's a line from a good movie with Kathy Bates called; 'A Home Of Our Own' where the narrator says, while window shopping at Christmas: "When you're really poor, everything you see is something you can't have."

I get that.

As I've said before and will likely say again, I learned -- and know -- that there's a big difference between what we want compared to what we need.

During that terrible time in our life last year, I was grateful to have a roof over our heads, a few eggs, peanut butter and jelly and a loaf of bread.

I didn't go shopping regularly to buy meals, I made what was available, which sometimes wasn't much.

Being a vegan, that task was made even more trying for myself.

Usually hot dog sandwiches for Ed (even hot dog buns were a luxury so we used bread), 'Top Ramen' and lots of rice and cabbage. But believe it or not, we were thankful, mostly because I know there are many good people out there like ourselves who were going through the same things -- and some not so lucky compounded with little mouths to feed.

So, during that time once my Pogo subscription ran out, I got on this little free networking site called 'Facebook'.

As I've said previously, that time in my life was lonely and brutal and I was looking for a connection as well as a way to pass my time: I found on there long lost co-workers, old 'friends', nieces and nephews, etc.

I reached out to fill a void in my life only to find out that the position was already filled in theirs.

They already apparently had that archetype of the red-headed zany Aunt, friend, etc. and when I would check in daily, I would see pictures of their family bar-b-ques, pedicures, ladies luncheons and girls night out -- complete with empty wine glasses and big smiles.

This went on and on as I would receive little to no feedback: I would send 'Flair', wish people good days, ask them how their weekends were, comment on pictures, etc.

Call it 'the green-eyed monster', envy, jealousy...whatever euphemism you may have for it, all I know is that for me it started becoming hurtful to see and yearn for a life that didn't include me, a life I desperately wanted filled with friends, family, support and giggles -- a life I didn't have.

I found that I was reaching out but wasn't being reached out to.

It just seemed to make me feel worse. Finally B says; 'It's simple, Mom. Get off of there -- it's bad for you. Period.'

And he was right.

My desperation for a connection was breaking up and in return I only got static.

Okay, this isn't working. So, I left 'Facebook' and it's unhealthy for me toxins behind (I'm only speaking for myself) and began blogging my bankruptcy on 'Blogspot'.

I don't work outside of the home (hell, I hardly work in it-ha!) nor do I live in a community where we know our neighbors or where I have lifelong friends. I've, naturally, had women friends in my life here and there over the course of my many years, but people have consistently disappointed me (and I've no doubt disappointed many) and sometimes they've simply moved -- and time and they inevitably moved on without us.

It happens and perhaps I'm equally to blame.

I've lived here almost 18 years and I can count on one finger the friends I made, and that was only recently. Don't misunderstand, one is all we need and I'm grateful to her.

::Waves hi to Nikki (also lovingly referred to as 'crazy ass woman')::

Before Nikki, there was no one but myself, Ed, B and his friends.

So, my therapist asked me on Friday about my friendships....

Um, yeah...about that.

He asked my history with friends, particularly female ones.

I had to go back.

I had to explain that I simply don't trust people easily -- not to be a trader to my gender but I especially don't trust women.

Back in Junior high school in Paramount, CA. I had a friend named Tammy Bailey (yes, I am using her real name -- f*** it and her): we had sleepovers and listened to records. She was a little wild and seemed to accept this gawky, unpopular, weird girl who had bad skin and non-trendy clothes (nor much of a sense of style) as her friend.

She borrowed a ton of my records and in return she told some girls who didn't like me (one of which was her friend) which way I walk home every day -- and I got jumped.

She was there not only not helping me, but encouraging them.

That was a long walk home by myself bloody and battered.

That was the end of my friendship with Tammy -- and my record collection.

Although her betrayal was quite intentional and hurtful, I do also realize that people change -- we grow and we evolve.

I can only hope that Tammy has and that she thinks of me with regret, as I certainly do for all of my monumental mistakes and hurts I've caused others.

During this same time period I was sitting in the middle of the court yard at school eating my sack lunch and literally minding my own business (I tried to blend in and not draw attention to myself) when some girl I didn't know came over with a crowd of people and dared someone for her to slap me in the face; of course, someone did and I was not only slapped, but also humiliated.

Fast forward to 20 years later when my own daughter was brutalized and picked on in junior high and high school and I suppose it's no wonder.

The look of horror on my therapists face as I sat there reminiscing and crying gave away his usually objective demeanor.

I know what you must be thinking: Sheesh, everything but the mean yard dog chasing me down and nipping at my heels.

Pitiful or not, I wish to God this story wasn't true.

Shortly after that, I moved to Colorado to live with my Dad and step-Mom and made a few friends there (a fresh start, if you will) and to this day I consider myself blessed by Sue, who lives in Maine but whom I haven't seen in almost 20 years but with whom I'm also still in touch by phone or letter when life doesn't get the best of us.

I moved back to California after I went a little wild in Colorado and my Mom had an accident. I got a job when I was sixteen at 'Taco Bell' where I worked during the day and went to night school to get my diploma so I didn't have to re-visit my junior high school nightmare.

Prior to getting my first job and after moving back, I swallowed a bunch of pills and tried to end my life.

It obviously didn't work.

There at 'Taco Bell', I met 'D' and we became best friends where we remained so for seven years. I saw her enter a healthy relationship with her now husband, who also worked there. I watched them go to prom and was there when she graduated from private school.

She, in the meantime, watched my downward spiral and by the time I was a single parent with a one and a half year old at the age of 21 and now in a relationship with her cousin, she had enough and I was kicked out of her home (where I lived with her and her parents while I worked and struggled as a single Mom with no child support or Welfare) and kicked out of her life.

I don't blame her -- not one bit. I self-destructed one too many times and my getting involved with her cousin was the final straw.

I ended up marrying her cousin, a great guy named Ed -- and I'm thankful that through all our ups and downs, we are still married.

'D' was there for our wedding but I wasn't invited to hers.

I wish she knew me now (we've had no contact and I haven't seen her in 20 years), not that I'm such a great catch I suppose but I do know now how to be a woman, how to be responsible, how to be a good person and how to nurture those around me.

I know what it takes to be a friend and what it takes to not.

I've been on both sides and I admit, I push people away. Especially women.

My mission, should I chose to accept it from my therapist, is to go out there and make new friends. Female ones especially.

Yikes, he's asking a lot.

I cried: 'But I have YOU....'

He wasn't buying it.

I've been hurt and let down -- and have done some of that myself.

Not sure how to go about this or if I'm even ready for that big leap of faith but...I'll give it a whirl when and if I think I am.

In the meantime, nurture those in your life. Be grateful. Be thankful. Be understanding. Be non-judgmental. Be compassionate.

Be a friend.

Peace, serenity and friendship,
~Jo

A DO-OVER -- A BLAST FROM THE PAST

2010-09-13T16:55:00.000-07:00

Below is my very first post at 'The End Of The Rainbow: Life After Bankruptcy' -- written in January of this year.

As a challenge from 'SITS' blogging support network ('The Secret Is In The Sauce': you can get to their site from their blog button on my sidebar) -- to encourage blogging support and getting back to basics (why we started blogging to begin with, etc.) -- we are to re-print our very first blog post.

I will be doing their challenge every day this week and in doing so, we are encouraged to mention the sponsors of this blogging phenomenon and this weeks blogging ideas: 'Standards of Excellence', 'Westar Kitchen and Bath', and 'Florida Builder Appliances'.

My first post clearly shows my vulnerability after a harrowing financial year and what my hopes were -- and still are. I was previously at 'DIARY OF A SAD HOUSEWIFE: CONFESSIONS OF A BANKRUPT LIFE'--this is an extension of that blog, which is still in tact but also which I no longer blog on. All my thoughts, feelings and anxieties were transferred over to 'The End Of The Rainbow' (my 'regular' blog and my home away from home) after our bankruptcy went through.

As I've said before, this was a time I felt very much alone and needed a venting tool and a way to connect after 'Facebook' left me feeling even more damaged, alone...and toxic.

I am still struggling and fighting through it all and have sought out a therapist to help me come to terms with what happened last year and what I would like to see happen.

I have been encouraged by said therapist to seek an outlet and do something for myself -- so, I find 'SITS' topic this week to be nothing short of an act of irony as just today I began a new blog (in addition to this one and my vegan blog 'Rabbit Food') to post my fictional writing titled: 'STRANGER THAN DICTION' (please see my post below this one written earlier today).

I am proud that although I am still admittedly fragile, that I am learning to attempt to 'step outside of my box'.

It's been a slow process and I'm not anywhere near where I would like to be, but...I am slowly progressing to learn to breathe in and out again...

Thanks for stopping by and reading this far.

Peace and serenity,
~Jo

Enjoy this blast from the past -- how it all began:

'SAD HOUSEWIFE NO LONGER' written on 1/11/10:

Hi, all. Jo here from 'Diary Of A Sad Housewife: Confessions OF A Bankrupt Life'.

Welcome to my new blog--this is where you can find me from now on. I'm not going to delete my old one--it will serve as a reminder that when things will no doubt get tough around here, it can always be worse.

Today was our bankruptcy hearing: after a year of frightening financial woes, we are now debt free with a clean slate.

To try and briefly re-cap:

This was not credit card debt, this was due to losing our home after 16 years and being sued for the second on the house by the financial company.

My husband, Ed, was having $1000.00 a month garnished from his paychecks. We sought the legal help of an attorney realizing that we cannot live like this and made the decision to file bankruptcy. With the garnishment in place, we were barely eating and paying bills took second place to food and gas.

No doubt this is a familiar tale to many people out there who have gone through this same thing.

We picked the wrong representation early on as our former attorney jerked us around for most of 2009, making and breaking promises, getting our hopes up and then letting us down time and again as well as refusing our phone calls and E-mail's.

He left us scared and flailing with us not knowing where to turn to next.

So, to reintroduce you (or to acquaint you if you're perhaps new here), start with the blogs I listed below.

*If you're unable to locate my older blogs through the below links (I can't figure out STILL how to post links on here), then please go to blog archives under my previous blog, 'Diary Of A Sad Housewife'.

My very first blog from back in June of '09 is titled; 'Is It Time For Okay yet?':

http://diaryofasadhousewife-jo.blogspot.com/2009/06/is-it-time-for-okay-yet.html

And 'What Now?' from back in August '09:

http://diaryofasadhousewife-jo.blogspot.com/2009/08/what-now-so-if-youve-been-keeping-up.html

Long story short, in September of 2009, after yet another let down by our attorney, I broke down--and then I got pissed!

So, I sought new legal representation and for the first time in a year, progress was being made.

Today was the final episode in a year and half long struggle: from the time we lost our house, moved, got sued, was left on our own by a BAD attorney and then found someone who cared enough to do his job--we are now debt free and get to rebuild our life.

I don't know how many people in this life get 'do-overs' or if they recognize them when they do. However, make no mistake; this is one of those moments--and I get it.

I'm not particularly religious, but I do know that there was a reason Ed (hubby), 'B' (son) and I went through this.

From here on out, it's up to me what lessons I take away from this and how I apply them.

This much I know; say good-bye to the 'Sad Housewife' because there's a new woman in town--and she sure as hell isn't sad.

Peace and serenity,
~Jo

OH NO, NOT ANOTHER ONE!

2010-09-13T11:52:00.000-07:00

Dear friends and readers, I have begun a new blog titled 'STRANGER THAN DICTION: THE FICTIONAL WRITING AND INNER WORKINGS OF JO'S MIND, HEART & SOUL' in which I will showcase my fictional writing (you can get to my new blog from my profile page).

As stated in my introductory post there, this is inspired by my love of writing and my good friend Steven Anthony's talents which he displays in his blog series titled; 'Lilly Swan'.

You can get to Steven's page via his blog button on my sidebar; 'Life In A Fishbowl' and from there find his 'Lilly Swan' series. Quite good.

Thank you, Steven, my dear talented friend, for your words of inspiration and devoted friendship.

I am beginning this new venture (my therapist will be so proud!) with a story I began writing about a year ago -- then life, as it will do, simply got the better of me.

I am pleased beyond measure to have taken this next step and to be revisiting these characters as so many people have asked me; "Whatever happened to that book you started writing?"

Fear not as you can find the beginning of it there.

Please join me over at 'STRANGER THAN DICTION' where I look forward to hopefully entertaining you, engrossing you and captivating your heart with this story and the people in it.

Peace, serenity and happy reading,
~Jo

NOT JUST THE CAPITAL OF ALASKA

2010-09-09T14:53:00.000-07:00

This is 'Juneau':

Juneau is a pure bred Pomeranian and the newest member of our clan, named such (by B) for her resemblance to a tiny polar bear.

That is a face to love!

B's girlfriend and her family have quite a few Pomeranians, some which 'got busy', thus how we acquired our new family member.

She is eight weeks old and like most puppies, she is still potty training, still feisty and most importantly, still fluffy!

Did I need or want this? Not particulalry -- but Ed and B apparently did and I admit that she's won me over and is what I call a 'happy accident'.

Rest easy, little one -- you have a good home here with us and Sarah Palin is far away.

A SHOUT OUT & A SWAY

2010-09-08T13:25:00.000-07:00

For the few of you who follow my vegan blog, 'Rabbit Food' (and for those of you who don't, I have a 'Rabbit Food' blog button on my side bar -- courtesy of the talents of my good friend, Meeko! -- that will take you right to it), you may have read my latest post there, written last week, about the Food Network show, 'Cupcake Wars'.

Chloe Coscarelli, a talented up and coming vegan chef in Los Angeles, took the winning prize of $10,000 in one of their recent shows -- and put vegan baked goods on the map.

She also took the time -- out of what is sure to be her busy schedule since her win -- to thank me via 'Twitter':

"@the4leafclover Thank you Jo for this wonderful write up! Very entertaining to read :) Thanks for the support!"

Chef Chloe, the pleasure was all mine.

So, hop on over to 'Rabbit Food' (pun intended) to get Chef Chloe's winning 'Raspberry Tiramisu' cupcake recipe and while you're there, feel free to browse around. Lots of information on veganism that may surprise you: I make a point not to lecture nor judge -- I simply post tid-bits, recipes & have a little fun.

You can find Chef Chloe on the cover of the latest issue of 'Woman's World' magazine as well as visit her @ www.chefchloe.com to show support for her endeavors & to learn more about vegan baking & cooking (lots of recipes!).

Peace, love and cupcakes,
~Jo

THEY CALL ME A RADICAL, LIBERAL, FANATICAL, CRIMINAL

2010-09-07T08:58:00.000-07:00

If the title sounds familiar, it should. Those of you from my generation will remember a song in the 70's by 'Supertramp' called 'The Logical Song'.

I've been wanting to slowly dip my toe back into the waters of commerce in order to fulfill our financial goal. With a son in his second year of college and Ed being the soul bread-winner, I see our bank account dwindling.

I know this is how it goes -- it will go up, down, up and then down again as things unexpectedly pop up: yesterday, for example, Ed's car wouldn't start; nearly $100.00 for a new battery.

That's life. I get it.

Then there's birthdays, holidays, necessities and outrageous electric bills (courtesy of triple digits, thus the use of our A/C).

So, I applied for 'Google ADSense' to try and earn a little extra income.

I thought: "I have pretty eclectic blogs here; I have a vegan blog (hello Almond milk, Vegennaise, soy based products and about a million other items that us 'radicals' consume and use) not to mention THIS blog where I've openly chronicled our financial journey as well as blog about a myriad of other topics including friendship (and sometimes lack-there-of), therapy and wellness, education, movie and T.V. chat, family and all that it entails (including feeding), my fight against Multiple Sclerosis, celebrity tit-for-tat, opinions, my on-going struggle with my hair, weight and my daily battle with my best 'frenemy', COFFEE.'

For this, AdSense apparently deems me an undesirable candidate:

"We've found that your website contains content that we don't allow at this
time. AdSense policy doesn't currently accept sites that advocate against
any individual, group, or organization. Please review our policies for a complete list of site content not allowed on webpages."

What am I 'advocating against' exactly?

Bad writing/spelling/grammar?

Check.

Chewing with my mouth closed?

Check.

Cruelty to animals?

Check.

Unhealthy body, mind and spirit?

Check.

Multiple Sclerosis?

Check, check.

Yep. They got me.

I say take me out back and beat the shit out of me. While I realize that it wouldn't be much, anything would help but I'm obviously criminal element that doesn't deserve their elite sponsorship to help support her family.

They also said that they support 'Freedom Of Expression'.

*cough**bullshit**cough*

Excuse me while I clean up the coffee I just spit all over my monitor.

AdSense is now displaying all evidence to the contrary of their alleged 'support' of our first amendment.

To bring this to a close, let me remind you to watch what you say or they'll be calling you a radical, liberal, fanatical, criminal and you could end up looking like me:

HAPPY 24TH BIRTHDAY, C.

2010-09-01T12:14:00.001-07:00

Today is my daughter's 24th birthday -- and, today I won't be seeing her.

Nor have I seen her for the last 5 or 6 birthdays of hers.

She keeps us at a distance as we've been estranged for years; she has ideas and images in her head of things that just didn't happen. She's garnered much sympathy from 'friends', and having Asperger's Syndrome, this was key in her life.

Having been picked on and brutalized in junior high and high school to the point of suicidal thoughts (she came by that honestly, I'm afraid -- see post below), she finally figured out a way to make friends by making up horrific lies about Ed and I as a veil to somehow mask her 'odd-ness' to give her and her so-called friends reasoning for it.

Asperger's is a baffling and physically unrecognizable form of Autism: there are no outer (physical) cues to give pause for thought that there may indeed be something amiss.

It's symptoms are behavioral and action based -- unfortunately she went mis-diagnosed her whole life as strictly being A.D.H.D. while I knew in my gut and heart that there was something we weren't seeing, something else there....

She no longer acknowledges Ed nor I as parents: Ed raised her from the time she was 1& 1/2 and legally adopted her once we were married -- giving her an identity, a new birth certificate (she had an absentee birth father/sperm donor), love, a home, a father.

All that love, care, time and attention has fallen to the wayside as she honestly believes these lies to the point where it's damaged her -- and us as a unit.

All I am left with is heartache and disappointment but always hope that one day she will come to a clear understanding of truth versus make believe and fairy tales.

Since she still sees my Mom, all I was able to do was pass along a card with a gift card in it for her, with the message being of love and hope of one day bridging this gap.

So, to my first born, I wish all that life has to offer in the hopes that you grab it...make use of it: be productive, truthful, kind, loving, compassionate, healthy, happy and -- take flight.

I will always be here should you ever want to take my hand....

I love you,
~Mom

FOR C -- WITH LOVE:

THE THERAPISTS COUCH: MY HISTORY WITH WOMEN

2010-08-31T15:44:00.000-07:00

Welcome to another episode of Jo gone wrong.

I sure am bored of these re-runs.

So, in order to learn to change the channel, I see my therapist once every two weeks.

Poor guy doesn't know what hit him.

Last session he asked what I'm doing for myself and I told him that I did recently renew my subscription to Pogo.com: an on-line gaming site: $40.00 for a year of entertainment.

That counts, yeah?

*Side note: if any of you are Pogo subscribers, my screen name is ejcbtheshamrock4 and you can typically find me playing 'Lottso!' on any given day.

You may now return to your regularly scheduled program.

Last year when Ed and I didn't know where our next meal would come from or how we would pay our mounting bills with his wages being garnished while we were in the middle of filing bankruptcy (Phew! That's a mouthful!), my Pogo subscription ran out and I made the wise choice to not renew.

$40.00, as most of you will concur, is gold when you're flat broke.

There's a line from a good movie with Kathy Bates called; 'A Home Of Our Own' where the narrator says, while window shopping at Christmas: "When you're really poor, everything you see is something you can't have."

I get that.

As I've said before and will likely say again, I learned -- and know -- that there's a big difference between what we want compared to what we need.

During that terrible time in our life last year, I was grateful to have a roof over our heads, a few eggs, peanut butter and jelly and a loaf of bread.

I didn't go shopping regularly to buy meals, I made what was available, which sometimes wasn't much.

Being a vegan, that task was made even more trying for myself.

Usually hot dog sandwiches for Ed (even hot dog buns were a luxury so we used bread), 'Top Ramen' and lots of rice and cabbage. But believe it or not, we were thankful, mostly because I know there are many good people out there like ourselves who were going through the same things -- and some not so lucky compounded with little mouths to feed.

So, during that time once my Pogo subscription ran out, I got on this little free networking site called 'Facebook'.

As I've said previously, that time in my life was lonely and brutal and I was looking for a connection as well as a way to pass my time: I found on there long lost co-workers, old 'friends', nieces and nephews, etc.

I reached out to fill a void in my life only to find out that the position was already filled in theirs.

They already apparently had that archetype of the red-headed zany Aunt, friend, etc. and when I would check in daily, I would see pictures of their family bar-b-ques, pedicures, ladies luncheons and girls night out -- complete with empty wine glasses and big smiles.

This went on and on as I would receive little to no feedback: I would send 'Flair', wish people good days, ask them how their weekends were, comment on pictures, etc.

Call it 'the green-eyed monster', envy, jealousy...whatever euphemism you may have for it, all I know is that for me it started becoming hurtful to see and yearn for a life that didn't include me, a life I desperately wanted filled with friends, family, support and giggles -- a life I didn't have.

I found that I was reaching out but wasn't being reached out to.

It just seemed to make me feel worse. Finally B says; 'It's simple, Mom. Get off of there -- it's bad for you. Period.'

And he was right.

My desperation for a connection was breaking up and in return I only got static.

Okay, this isn't working. So, I left 'Facebook' and it's unhealthy for me toxins behind (I'm only speaking for myself) and began blogging my bankruptcy on 'Blogspot'.

I don't work outside of the home (hell, I hardly work in it-ha!) nor do I live in a community where we know our neighbors or where I have lifelong friends. I've, naturally, had women friends in my life here and there over the course of my many years, but people have consistently disappointed me (and I've no doubt disappointed many) and sometimes they've simply moved -- and time and they inevitably moved on without us.

It happens and perhaps I'm equally to blame.

I've lived here almost 18 years and I can count on one finger the friends I made, and that was only recently. Don't misunderstand, one is all we need and I'm grateful to her.

::Waves hi to Nikki (also lovingly referred to as 'crazy ass woman')::

Before Nikki, there was no one but myself, Ed, B and his friends.

So, my therapist asked me on Friday about my friendships....

Um, yeah...about that.

He asked my history with friends, particularly female ones.

I had to go back.

I had to explain that I simply don't trust people easily -- not to be a trader to my gender but I especially don't trust women.

Back in Junior high school in Paramount, CA. I had a friend named Tammy Bailey (yes, I am using her real name -- f*** it and her): we had sleepovers and listened to records. She was a little wild and seemed to accept this gawky, unpopular, weird girl who had bad skin and non-trendy clothes (nor much of a sense of style) as her friend.

She borrowed a ton of my records and in return she told some girls who didn't like me (one of which was her friend) which way I walk home every day -- and I got jumped.

She was there not only not helping me, but encouraging them.

That was a long walk home by myself bloody and battered.

That was the end of my friendship with Tammy -- and my record collection.

Although her betrayal was quite intentional and hurtful, I do also realize that people change -- we grow and we evolve.

I can only hope that Tammy has and that she thinks of me with regret, as I certainly do for all of my monumental mistakes and hurts I've caused others.

During this same time period I was sitting in the middle of the court yard at school eating my sack lunch and literally minding my own business (I tried to blend in and not draw attention to myself) when some girl I didn't know came over with a crowd of people and dared someone for her to slap me in the face; of course, someone did and I was not only slapped, but also humiliated.

Fast forward to 20 years later when my own daughter was brutalized and picked on in junior high and high school and I suppose it's no wonder.

The look of horror on my therapists face as I sat there reminiscing and crying gave away his usually objective demeanor.

I know what you must be thinking: Sheesh, everything but the mean yard dog chasing me down and nipping at my heels.

Pityful or not, I wish to God this story wasn't true.

Shortly after that, I moved to Colorado to live with my Dad and step-Mom and made a few friends there (a fresh start, if you will) and to this day I consider myself blessed by Sue, who lives in Maine but whom I haven't seen in almost 20 years but with whom I'm also still in touch by phone or letter when life doesn't get the best of us.

I moved back to California after I went a little wild in Colorado and my Mom had an accident. I got a job when I was sixteen at 'Taco Bell' where I worked during the day and went to night school to get my diploma so I didn't have to re-visit my junior high school nightmare.

Prior to getting my first job and after moving back, I swallowed a bunch of pills and tried to end my life.

It obviously didn't work.

There at 'Taco Bell', I met 'D' and we became best friends where we remained so for seven years. I saw her enter a healthy relationship with her now husband, who also worked there. I watched them go to prom and was there when she graduated from private school.

She, in the meantime, watched my downward spiral and by the time I was a single parent with a one and a half year old at the age of 21 and now in a relationship with her cousin, she had enough and I was kicked out of her home (where I lived with her and her parents while I worked and struggled as a single Mom with no child support or Welfare) and kicked out of her life.

I don't blame her -- not one bit. I self-destructed one too many times and my getting involved with her cousin was the final straw.

I ended up marrying her cousin, a great guy named Ed -- and I'm thankful that through all our ups and downs, we are still married.

'D' was there for our wedding but I wasn't invited to hers.

I wish she knew me now (we've had no contact and I haven't seen her in 20 years), not that I'm such a great catch I suppose but I do know now how to be a woman, how to be responsible, how to be a good person and how to nurture those around me.

I know what it takes to be a friend and what it takes to not.

I've been on both sides and I admit, I push people away. Especially women.

My mission, should I chose to accept it from my therapist, is to go out there and make new friends. Female ones especially.

Yikes, he's asking a lot.

I cried: 'But I have YOU....'

He wasn't buying it.

I've been hurt and let down -- and have done some of that myself.

Not sure how to go about this or if I'm even ready for that big leap of faith but...I'll give it a whirl when and if I think I am.

In the meantime, nurture those in your life. Be grateful. Be thankful. Be understanding. Be non-judgmental. Be compassionate.

Be a friend.

Peace, serenity and friendship,
~Jo

DON'T HATE ME BECAUSE I'M POPULAR

2010-08-20T09:20:00.000-07:00

It would appear I am suddenly quite popular as I am receiving unlimited E-mail offers of limited time and quality.

It would seem that I am in the market for penis implants and Viagra.

I am so blessed and grateful that the Viagra distributors chose me to peddle their product on as ideally I am the perfect candidate -- being female and all.

Being also of curious nature, I've always wondered what would happen if I took a Viagra: I would assume my tongue would stick straight out.

For hours.

Lucky Ed.

Considering I have no penis, an implant is equally useless -- and Ed's is fine, in case you were wondering, thank you...so, no need for me to forward that along to him.

Oh, and then there are the 'Blow out sales' I just can't miss as well as the numerous opportunities for me to wire money to someone in great need. Usually overseas. But only if I don't tell anyone, mind you, as the headers are always marked 'PRIVATE' or 'CONFIDENTIAL'.

Although with power comes great responsibility, I'm nonetheless extremely flattered they chose me to save humanity. I'm up for the challenge.

And I'd like to humbly thank the person who bought a U.K. Lottery ticket on my behalf. I genuinely had no idea that I had so many friends who were world travelers, but thanks to their generosity in thinking of me while on holiday, I have hit the jack pot!

$7,000 U.S. dollars is now on it's way.

What shall I do with it first, I wonder?

Well, loads of Viagra to begin with, of course. Oh, the endless hours of joy, just me and my wayward tongue.

Then I think I'll buy heaps and mounds of the offer I received just this morning for....'Wingless Angels'.

Yep. I've always wanted people.

MY LAMENT

2010-08-17T16:11:00.000-07:00

For the past few months now I've watched quite a few people I love and care about do foolish things with money.

I talk about my dismay with my immediate family but otherwise TRY very hard to keep my comments and opinions to myself.

This is where the talent of 'just smile and nod' comes in handy.

I get it, I really do:

I KNOW this isn't any of my business.

I KNOW this is my problem.

I KNOW that I have an issue with money that isn't going to go away anytime soon.

It's simply my lament and for the time being, it would seem I just can't help it.

I get angrier and angrier...but I say very little to nothing to the ones in question (and there are multiple) and I admit that I'm struggling to find meaning and understanding behind it all.

Perhaps I'm not meant to.

*Smile and nod, Jo. Smile and nod.*

I'm always afraid the look of utter disapproval and disappointment on my face will betray my thoughts:

"Did you really just buy that when you have other more important priorities?"

"Wasn't it just this side of two weeks ago when you were worried about how this-n-that was going to get paid?

Did shopping in excess for things you don't really need change all that?"

All leading to the following questions for myself:

Have I mis-understood this whole time?

Have I got it wrong?

Is this the secret of life and happiness?

Where was I -- did I miss the cue?

What am I not seeing here?

And finally, when, if at all, is it my business to say anything?

Never. It's simply not my place and I know I have to let it go.

I don't know much, but I do know what broke is. Many people do, not just me.

We know what it is to struggle to buy a package of hot dogs.

We know the difference between needing something and wanting something.

That is the lesson I took away from last year.

I'm now 44 years old and I had to learn that the hard way. I save up for the things I want.

I'd like to sit down and teach them these lessons but I know you can't teach these things.

You either know it and already live it, or you have to learn the same way I did -- and hope to God they don't wind up taking the same course.

It's all about balance -- and it took me decades to find mine. Learn from me.

If not, then just please don't show me all your unnecessary 'loot' one week and then tell me you're broke and/or that you can't pay a bill the next.

I can only keep my big mouth shut and my thoughts to myself for so long -- and your lament at that moment may very well be the one that pushes mine over the edge.

Let's not tempt it, shall we?

Peace, serenity & balance.

*EDIT: Just posted a new recipe on my 'Rabbit Food' blog --feel free to grab my 'Rabbit Food' blog button located on my side bar. :)

EAT, PRAY...LEAVE

2010-08-08T11:08:00.000-07:00

I wasn't planning on posting today -- if anything I vowed that the next time I logged onto my blog, it would indeed be not to write a post but instead spend some long overdue time visiting my blog friends: I owe so many of you a good visit as I am genuinely quite interested in what's been going on.

However, it's so easy for this scatter-brained gal to get lost in my day-to-day with one day turning into two, then a week, two weeks, a month and so forth. Next thing you know I am out of touch and bloggers remorse sets in.

I am forever apologizing with well intentioned plans to visit soon and then, alas...life throws yet another curve (see post below this one). Although, it's never anything too serious (extra money spent on what was supposed to be a one day planned trip, needing a new garbage disposal -- ka-ching! -- doctors visits/bills courtesy of my pinched sciatic which has been all but down right crippling mentally and physically and B's broken hand -- double ka-ching!, etc.), for my admittedly fragile state, I find myself barely able to keep a straight thought and I ultimately flounder....

So, I'll skip the apologies and promises of a t.b.a. visit and just get straight to my point with the hopes that my lovely and patient blog friends (Elle, Steven Anthony, Meeko, Andrea, Herrad, Allen, Kyle, Brooklyn Book Lover, Green Monkey, Jaynie and so many others...) know my heart and that they're all a component in it.

Last year I read Elizabeth Gilbert's blockbuster memoir; 'Eat. Pray. Love.'. As most of you know by now, Julia Roberts is starring in the movie of the same name based on Ms. Gilbert's autobiographical pilgrimage after a brutal and heart wrenching divorce (I'm not sure there's any other kind) to Italy (where she discovered her love of food), India (where she learned how to meditate and pray) and finally capping off her journey in Indonesia (where she ultimately found love).

In my planning on seeing the movie next weekend, I have been doing some research on-line into the after effects of the lives and locales chronicled in Ms. Gilbert's book.

*Before I begin my soliloquy, for those of you who read 'Eat. Pray. Love.', here is some sad news straight from Elizabeth Gilbert's website:

"Terribly sad news. My dear friend Richard from Texas has passed away. He had been a heart patient for years, and it finally caught up with him. He passed away quietly, at home, with a smile on his face. There was no sign of struggle or pain. (I can just hear him saying, "Don't make a big production out of it, Groceries.") As everyone who read 'Eat, Pray, Love' knew, Richard was one of a kind. He was a guardian to my life at a moment when I needed a great deal of care, and I know that his delightful and sometimes twisted words of wisdom have touched the lives of countless others, as well. One last teaching from the master: I once asked Richard if he was afraid of death. He said, "The only thing I know for sure about death is that it seems to take most people by surprise." But I don't think death took Richard by surprise, nor did he fear it. I think he saw death coming, walked right up to it and shook its hand. I think he made friends with it. That was his way. I hope I someday have the grace to do the same. I loved this man with all my heart, and I will never forget him.

LG"

Richard T.:

Now, onto my post:

Since the popularity of her book, single women in their 30's, 40's and 50's from all across the globe are looking to emulate Ms. Gilbert's experience by flocking by the droves to the very places the author herself frequented in the hopes of finding the same enlightenment.

Depending on whom you talk to, especially in Bali, this is either a blessing or a curse.

Tourist dollars are what keep many of the local places in business: they are needed and counted on. Many have 'Eat. Pray. Love.' posters and other book related articles (including the book itself in every language and over-priced flowy, chiffon caftans...) for sale to the highest bidder.

However, there are many locals that are indeed quite unhappy that their quaint villages have turned into a cliche' -- and have put up their own posters: 'Eat. Pray. LEAVE.'

They curse the author for bringing them out of anonymity and obscurity and find themselves and their once quiet villages thrust into an unwanted spotlight.

During the filming of the movie 'Eat. Pray. Love.' in India, for example, many people were at a local Ashram for a yearly spiritual sabbatical which is sacred.

Due to the filming, the costly experience for the people who paid (and prayed) for their own spiritual journey (having nothing to do with the book nor upcoming movie) found anything but peace thanks to helicopters, vehicles, security, film crew and their equipment and found many of their planned activities and destinations blocked by the very filming of this movie.

I have conflicted feelings on this and have my own thoughts and questions:

Shame on the makers of this film for allowing their ill timed and selfish motives to interfere with others' journey. I'm a Karma believing kind of gal.

On the other hand....

Is it really fair to blame the author for merely chronicling her own journey?

Did Elizabeth Gilbert demand -- in addition to the $25.00 'Eat. Pray. Love.' book cost -- that every woman then go out and emulate her journey?

And finally, has it not brought wealth and prosperity to otherwise struggling locals and locales?

No to the first two and yes to the last of my questions.

My thoughts: these women that are dragging Ms. Gilbert's book across continents looking desperately for fulfillment, spiritual guidance, love and enlightenment -- while delighting some locals and irritating others -- are missing the point.

Elizabeth Gilbert made her own journey not knowing what it was she was looking for per se' until she found it.

She planned and mapped out her course making a few provisions along the way, ultimately taking the lumps and embracing the joy that crossed her path.

She found her own enlightenment, not recreating others'.

I suggest these women change their course from hers to their own. Sometimes you don't have to go far. Sometimes you do. It could be found in a book, a walk, a church pew, on a park bench or under a tree in a foreign country -- or in your own neighborhood.

It could be found in a photo album, a documentary, a rest home/assisted living or it could be found in a worthy cause.

I'm not saying to ban Italy, India and Indonesia and that enlightenment can't be found in those places for others, too. All I know for sure is that it CAN'T be found by recreating Ms. Gilbert's journey in following her footprints; where she ate, prayed and loved. Her experience was indeed her own.

Yours has to be yours.

Make your own footprints.

Peace and serenity,
~Jo

A FUNNY THING HAPPENED ON THE WAY TO MY BLOG

2010-08-05T09:25:00.000-07:00

Hi, all. Long time no see. I would have been here sooner but.....

Ed and I decided to stay an extra night in Catalina -- we slept a lot on our first day there (we were both battling Bronchitis) and as a result, missed our scheduled flying fish tour that evening. So, we paid for an extra night at The Catalina Inn, exchanged our tickets for the flying fish tour and our trip home on the Catalina Express. Much to see and do but mostly we just walked around taking everything in, rented a golf cart for an hour to go up in the hills and just relaxed, ate, shop, ate some more and rested when we needed to. We found the extra day afforded us a much more leisurely vacation.

We got home Friday afternoon of the 30th loaded with souvenirs for B and all the kids (fresh salt water taffy made daily, jalapeno peanut brittle, pirate mugs and steins...) and then the next evening was the birthday party we had planned for Ed with all of B's friends.

Unfortunately, my usually even tempered son lost his cool at some point in the evening and broke his hand on a bearing wall in our garage. After a few days of it being swollen and us encouraging him to go to the doctor, he finally did so on Tuesday to discover it was indeed broken. It was a clean break, thankfully, so only a temporary cast was needed (one he could take on and off in the shower) and he goes back in two weeks to see how it's developing.

A tough lesson learned.

As great as B is, like us all, he is flawed and I'm still trying to raise a thoughtful, pensive, responsible and think-before-you-act man.

The dogs we've had for over five weeks now have added much strain and less sleep for us all -- our carpet now needs replacing due to many urine stains.

We don't blame the dogs per se' as they've never been taught to let people know when they have to go outside: my mother-in-law simply leaves her door open for them to go in and out from the house to their backyard.

Well, we can't do that here -- this is coyote territory (in which the only thing that separates them from our backyard is chicken wire) and we have an indoor cat. So, we let the dogs out every hour and before bed only to find they still don't get the concept after five weeks. I figure if they haven't gotten it now, they're not going to...and needless to say, Ed is going to talk to his Mom about obedience classes and spending more time with them -- and maybe pitching in for some new carpet! -- upon her return from Europe which is supposed to be this coming Sunday...

Then yesterday I had an appointment with a chiropractor. Remember when I went to the MS camp back in May?

Well, I ran back and forth a lot between the lodge, the cabins, the activity rooms, etc. and a few days later I had an impossible pain shooting down my leg which has not subsided -- two months later -- and has only gotten worse.

A pinched sciatic.

When I cough (which I've been doing a lot as I'm still battling Bronchitis), the motion of my upper body triggers the sciatic nerve and the pain triggers right down my left leg. Getting up and down from chairs and sofas is the same and sleeping is impossible and restless. It's been two months of this and the ONLY thing that takes the edge off is taking some Ibuprofen

I've been to the doctors several times, including a neurologist who took a brain M.R.I. to rule out an MS connection since I have other neurological disorders....

All was well there and so my husband and therapist encouraged me to see a chiropractor.

I made an appointment yesterday and was feeling particularly anxious and neurotic -- blabbed away as I have a tendency to do in my anxious state, which is higher than usual these days thanks to dog-sitting, a highly urine stained carpet, much money spent for our trip and B's now broken hand.

This chiropractor appointment was just an assessment and he took some spine scans which I go back to tomorrow for the results.

I went to pay for my appointment with our H.S.A. (health savings account) card which at last look a few months back, had over $800.00 in it -- and my card was declined.

I had to pay for my appointment with cash and came home to call and find out what expenses has it been used for. Lovely Cigna deducted all our doctors visits: $73.00 for each visit, $271.00 for neurology and my M.R.I. was over $700.00 -- well, that not only wiped out our H.S.A. but also leaves me with having to pay the balance of my M.R.I. and all un-paid appointments out of pocket, as well as my therapy appointment, B's self-inflicted broken hand injury (we're figuring $500.00 at least there) and any chiropractic adjustments I may need will just have to wait. I simply cannot afford it.

The way our insurance was set up, unbeknownst to me, was that all bills go directly to Cigna and they then negotiate down the costs through their contracts with the doctors and what's left to pay was taken directly out of our H.S.A. I never saw a bill so Ed went to H.R. at his work yesterday and changed that so that everything comes directly to me.

Money won't be going back into our H.S.A. until the next 'semester' which is November, I believe (unless we deduct Ed's paycheck and add it in ourselves), which means for all intents and purposes, we now don't have insurance and have to pay everything from this point on out of pocket, including B's broken hand care.

So, I remain in pain and in even more emotional and financial turmoil: I'm almost regretting our Catalina trip -- had I known that upon our return this is what would be facing us, I would never have gone.

That'll teach me to go anywhere.

I hope this finds all my dear and patient blog friends happy, healthy and well. Know you're all in my heart and on my mind.

Peace and serenity,
~Jo

THE JOY FACTOR

2010-07-27T13:17:00.000-07:00

"Always leave enough time in your life to do something that makes you happy, satisfied, even joyous. That has more of an effect on economic well-being than any other single factor."
~Paul Hawken (writer and activist for environmental and social justice)

I needed to read the above quote today.

It's been a while since I've blogged about mine and Ed's economic status -- I suppose I wanted to wait until I had reached my personal goal of a satisfactory bank account savings to say: "Look how far we've come from last year!!!"

However, as we all know, shit happens -- to put it in my usual delicacy. Things come up (car needs, college books/fees, illnesses, etc.) and we find that we are never quite where we thought we should be.

Mini-vacations are planned such as mine and Ed's over-nighter to Catalina Island tomorrow for his 48th birthday, which is actually tomorrow.

Ed has always wanted to go to Catalina so when I first began inquiring about hotel costs, getting to the island and back, activities, etc., I kept in mind that it is indeed the peak of the season there (*see also price gauging) so the best way would be to visit during the week instead of the weekend to save on what will already be a spendy venture.

In light of this, I only planned two activities: the night boat trip to see the flying fish and the glass bottom boat.

From there I saved X amount of money (plus $5.00 for motion sickness pills -- it had to be done. $5.00 well spent) for any further activities as everything there is ridiculously expensive: $40.00 an hour to rent a golf cart for self-guided island tour, $100.00 an hour to rent a jet-ski, $100.00 to do the zipline, Para-sailing and snorkeling prices vary...so we'll likely do the most economical considering we're only there for one day.

Add what I paid for the hotel, the boat there and back, the two planned activities, the money saved for extra activities, food and souvenirs and we're looking at a $600.00 to $700.00 trip for everything just for two people overnight.

It's been four years since Ed and I have been away anywhere so I now wonder: How in the hell do people do this? How do people go to Hawaii and Vegas every summer? I actually know people who do...

I admit now with all my anxieties about money worries, that I wonder if I made the right decision here in planning what I thought was a nice surprise and much needed & deserved get-away.

CON: Wouldn't that money be better served in the bank collecting interest?

PRO: Ed said it best: "What the hell do I work so hard for six days a week if we can't enjoy some of my earnings?"

CON: MONEY!!!! ANXIETIES!!!!

PRO: Agreeing with Ed.

I've been having MUCH trouble getting geared up for this. Oh, I've been telling people how I "can't wait" and "Yes, we are soo excited!" and I have been counting down the days on Twitter and even painted my toe nails a Caribbean blue for the occasion.

But in reality, I'm a wreck over the expense and have come so close to calling the whole thing off.

I had to cancel my therapist appointment on Friday when I got Bronchitis (which I'm still battling), couple that with an unexpected visit from "Aunt Flo" yesterday (welcome to peri-menopause. Sorry...TMI?) -- all of this seemed to be a sign pointing that we really shouldn't be going.

So, today while I'm supposed to be getting some last minute things ready and getting prepared to pack, I've been procrastinating and it seems so clear why.

It all comes down to my anxiety disorder where nothing is as it seems. I know logically that I'm being irrational, but I CANNOT get past the fact that I have to pack, drive an hour and a half to the port ($28.00 to leave our car overnight! Yikes!), pay $133.00 for Ed and I to get to the island and back, pay $123.00 for the hotel PLUS activities, food, etc.

However, while the monkey on my back pulls the strings one way, my progress is pulling them another: my ability to know that my irrational fears are trying to take over.

And while they're still present (and perhaps always will be), I am nonetheless going to go and do this thing. This thing that my hardworking husband desperately needs and deserves -- and perhaps I do, too.

So, dear neurosis, you will simply have to try and be patient until my next therapy appointment. Until then, I'm on vacation. Don't bother me.

PARDON ME, COULD YOU KINDLY REMOVE THIS ANVIL FROM MY CHEST?

2010-07-26T08:31:00.000-07:00

I wonder if ever there will come a time when I don't start a blog post by apologizing for my absence -- I'm afraid I'm starting to sound like the little boy who cried wolf...

Not my intention and certainly not intentionally done.

In my defense, I've been on the look out for Mr. Universe, Gorgeous George, The World's Strongest Man, anyone -- someone -- of strength to remove what feels like a parked car lying on top of me.

Friday I was diagnosed with Bronchitis -- yes, a fleeting illness to be sure but one who's timing stinks of drunk old Uncle Henry making a pass at your prim Mother-in-law upon first meeting.

Lousy!

I had to miss my therapist appointment on Friday and then I got jerked around ALL DAY by Walmart's pharmacy who refused to cooperate with my doctor's office in regards to getting the generic form of what was under their formulary. My doctor's office was willing and able to fix the prescription problem if only Walmart would cooperate.

Alas, they didn't. Instead of professionalism and cooperation, I got a snotty flunky whom I called a B**** and then ever not-so-subtly told to go f*** herself.

But not before at least getting my anti-biotics filled.

It had to be done. Sorry, folks.

Sometimes a good tongue lashing is in need and if you had heard the way she spoke to me, you may have done the same.

So, my inhalers and nose spray will have to wait until a new pharmacist can be found. I have my anti-biotics and Mucinex in the meantime and it has two more days to work because Ed and I are off to Catalina for our over-nighter on Wednesday.

Bronchitis knew that, too. But I plan to continue drinking my weight in Vitamin C, taking my anti-biotics and Mucinex and foiling it's attempts at it's evil plot to spoil my much needed and anticipated mini-trip with my husband.

Couple all that with our 'house guests' (my mother-in-laws two dogs) who need a lot of attention. They're here until August 8th and while I'm going to miss them when they leave, the truth is they need a lot more attention than just what I and my mother-in-law can give them.

She inherited them from a friend a few years ago who's in the Alzheimer's ward in an assisted living community but she has done nothing to train them and break them of their bad habits: incessant barking, peeing and pooping in the house, chasing my cat, bad eating habits, one growls at the slightest touch intimidating everyone...

This is something that needs to be her priority before she even thinks about traipsing off on her next world adventure.

My priority? New carpet when they go back home: if I didn't need it before, I sure as hell do now!

So, between mini-vacation planning (B will be here with the dogs during our over-nighter), dog sitting/training/feeding/loving (plus my own pets that need attention), being sick -- and trying not to be -- and keeping up with household duties/family time--holy cow!

I want to thank Steven Anthony for featuring my new vegan blog 'Rabbit Food' on his blog on Friday! And many thanks also to Meeko for my 'Rabbit Food' blog button!

You can pick up my super cute 'Rabbit Food' blog button on my sidebar if you so desire.

Your support means the world to me as I am scarcely deserving of yours or anyones loyalty right now considering I just can't seem to manage my time properly.

Friday was indeed a bad time for me to get sick and miss my therapists appointment, eh???

Okay, I'm off for a nice hot shower and to maybe watch last nights season four premiere of 'Mad Men' which I'm supposed to wait for Ed to do but....this damned medication is -- eh hem -- 'forcing' me do uncharacteristic things that I don't want to do :D

So, please, please accept my apologies, all. I am TRYING to get better and get my shit together.

Thinking of you.

Peace and island serenity,
~Jo

JUST A QUICK HI

2010-07-16T11:42:00.000-07:00

Just posted a great, easy vegan pizza recipe on my 'Rabbit Food' blog (you can get to 'Rabbit Food' from my profile under 'My Blogs').

Pizza and Friday nights just sort of go together.....

So sorry I've once again been a neglectful blog friend -- busy with a houseful of furry family members, some ours & some our guests -- until August 8th -- while they're real Mommy is on vacation.

And we're now officially into summer here with triple digits -- ugh! -- and so I'm moving slow to get motivated and get things done.

Counting down the days until mine & Ed's Catalina Island overnighter -- 12 more days....

Be back soon to catch up with Meeko, Steven, Andrea, Elle....thank you my dear blog friends for your heaps and mounds of patience and understanding.

Love you all.

A RANT FOR A RANT AND AN ADMISSION

2010-07-13T11:46:00.000-07:00

More tapes keep being released where we hear first hand Mel Gibson's psyche coming unhinged.

A few posts below this one I wrote about being deeply disappointed in someone I always viewed as an enlightened genius with him being behind such movies as 'Braveheart', 'The Passion Of The Christ' and 'Apocalypto'.

Then came his anti-Semitic rant four years ago and now this latest string of verbally abusive and pure venomous RAGE against the mother of his eight month old daughter.

Each tape being released is more vile than the one before it.

So, what gives?

They say that every genius at work has a taste of madness in them. Perhaps Mr. Gibson's latest rant is simply the product of a long simmering internal struggle.

Another theory I'm struggling to publicly wonder about is the role in all this by the woman in question; Oksana Grigorieva, his now estranged girlfriend.

Far be it for me to somehow try to validate and wrap my mind around Mr. Gibson's racist, volatile and threatening rage.

What I will say is that Oksana herself appears very calm -- a little too calm -- in the released tapes.

Is that simply her nature?

Or perhaps it's knowing that it is she, of course, who is doing the taping and therefore is trying to carefully portray herself as the injured party in this debacle.

No question about it, though -- he has admitted to hitting her while she held their daughter and he has clearly come unhinged as you can hear his shaking, volatile rants and breathlessness in his verbal attacks towards her.

This is a man who clearly needs help.

Is it his rumored alcoholism or that madness I spoke of previously that drives him to this kind of erratic behavior?

And, again -- what about Oksana herself?

She has been called a 'fame whore' dating and only having the children of famous men, including British actor Timothy Dalton (who once played 'James Bond') as well as Mel Gibson.

Those who know her call her 'ambitious'.

Not that any of the above 'facts' means she is deserving of the physical and verbal lashings Mr. Gibson has seen to hand out.

In the middle of a custody battle (where I don't see him coming out on top of this one) between the two, I simply have to question the timing of these released taped conversations that took place seven months ago.

And I'm questioning the 'calm' and 'ambitious' woman behind them.

And by doing so I want to reiterate that I am NOT validating Mr. Gibson's behavior one iota.

I'm simply wondering what we don't know about her.

ADMISSION:

Without going into details, a few years ago Ed and I were in a very bad place. I primarily blame myself. Through all of our fights and turmoil, through all my once deceptive behavior...others were listening in.

With our very close range of neighbors on each side of us coupled with our long-standing 'open door policy', very little remained what should have been a private matter between Ed, myself and my demons.

On a much smaller scale, of course, I am somehow able to muster a small measurement of empathy for Mel Gibson's situation.

It wasn't long before I was 'called out', called names and threatened with exposure. Friends and neighbors turned on me and I had a choice to make: I could keep being lost and deceitful, drowning myself into a long, deep and dark abyss until there would be no way for me to crawl out -- or I can hold myself accountable, admit all, ask for forgiveness and work on re-building trust and repairing the damage that was done.

I was not alone in creating the wreck that had become my existence, yet I was certainly left on my own, with my orange reflector vest for all to see, cleaning up the debris.

I could be accountable or I could shift blame.

I wanted no part of either but let me say that it has taken me two years plus to move past it -- and I give Ed and B much credit, too.

Again, what should have been a private matter was out in the open for all to hold judgment.

Then, of course, all hell broke loose with us losing our home and beginning a year and a half nightmare of near poverty, turmoil and bankruptcy.

In conclusion of my rant, I wonder how many of us would not want the neighbors, friends and the world hearing what should be private...as I also wonder how Mel Gibson will pull himself out of his own, long, deep and dark abyss.

*On a completely different note, as stated yesterday, I began a vegan blog called 'RABBIT FOOD' which you can get to from my profile under 'My Blogs' (until I can get a blog button made for it).

I posted on there yesterday and today to try and do some enlightening of my own. I hope you'll join me and let me know what you think.

Wishing you all peace, serenity & privacy,
~Jo

RABBIT FOOD

2010-07-12T13:07:00.000-07:00

I had a very productive session with my therapist on Friday. In encouraging me to 'step outside of my box' and do something more just for me, I will be looking up beginner classes for knitters; something I've always wanted to learn.

I hear knitting is cathartic and my love of beanies and scarves will no doubt be enhanced should I get the hang of this skill which requires patience -- not my strong suit!

I also began a new blog called 'Rabbit Food' about veganism. You can get to it through my profile -- at least until I can have a blog button made.

This is something I've wanted to do for a while and I just published my first post there where I talk about why I became a vegan.

So, I'll keep this short because I have to take the dogs out back to do their business (ha!) and simply encourage you to stop by my other blog and become a follower. This is something I feel no pressure to do -- merely to post recipes and tid-bits as I see fit.

Wishing you all a great day!

Peace and serenity,
~Jo

WHERE'S THE BRAVERY AND HEART?

2010-07-09T18:22:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I lost a hero. A visionary. I actually lost him four years ago. And what I didn't lose then -- and was willing to forgive for the sake of the genius and art that had yet to be made -- the rest was solidified yesterday.

From the man who had it in him to direct and star in a film about Scottish hero William Wallace ('Braveheart') -- which, best to my knowledge, no one had previously done -- came a misogynistic, hateful and racist filled rant: the phone call heard around the world.

I am, of course, talking about Mel Gibson.

Four years ago he barely came out unscathed after his anti-Semitic rant where he claimed "Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world".

Some of us forgave, even those of us who come from Jewish ancestry.

I can't speak for everyone who forgave, or who perhaps didn't. I can only speak for myself.

I know from how he was raised that that kind of hate and racism was embedded in him through his father.

Still, I forgave and waited for his repent.

Then came the leaked phone call yesterday -- no doubt from his his estranged girlfriend's, Oksana Grigorieva's, camp, where we've heard a 'he said - she said' spectacle played out in the tabloids these last few days, complete with restraining orders and accusations against the other.

I can argue that it's simply none of our business and that the phone call in question -- one of two: the first one he reportedly admitted to hitting her in the face twice while holding their infant daughter and went so far as to say she 'deserved it' -- should have never been leaked.

What should have remained a private matter between the two has now become public fodder with Mr. Gibson coming out badly in the end.

Do I feel better at knowing the truth?

Not particularly.

Is it, in fact, my business?

No way.

With that said, do I have a strong opinion and reaction to what I did hear?

Naturally. As a woman, a mother, a wife, a daughter, an activist, a film lover and a somewhat self-professed historian, I am mortified and ashamed of Mr. Gibson.

Whether or not Mel Gibson -- and his career -- is redeemable is certainly not for me to guess at; that is between himself and his God.

I only wonder now how Mr. Gibson could be so enlightened as to bring to the masses the lost and badly needed to be told story of William Wallace in the form of 'Braveheart' -- a hero and feminist in his own right -- only to then become this man who runs around on his wife of 30 years, the mother of his seven children, becomes an alcoholic and gets another woman pregnant and then hits her while she's holding their infant daughter and hurls vile insults at her.

I also wonder, what kind of woman is she who gets involved with a long time married man and then tapes their conversations?

Was it for her protection? Rightly so, if that's the case. Obviously she needs protection from this loose cannon.

Or perhaps did she do it for media redemption and glory? To justify her public image as a home-wrecker and fame seeker and to further humiliate this man whom we didn't think could sink any lower by now using the 'N' word and calling her a 'whore' among other things.

Primae Noctis:

William Wallace fought against the British monarchy ruled by King Edward I, known as 'Longshanks'.

Legend has it that William Wallace first raged a war against 'Longshanks' by killing an English Sheriff to avenge the death of Wallace's wife -- Marion "Murron" Braidfute whom he married in secret -- who refused to give in to the advances of the sheriff who was trying to implement 'primae noctis': a nobleman's 'right' to rape a Scottish bride on her wedding night. A decree legend says was reinstated by the king himself.

Historians argue that never in the King's reign was primae noctis practiced.

However, the legend prevails that Wallace himself was indeed a hero, fighting for the rights of women and Scotland.

It would seem that Mel Gibson bears neither bravery nor heart, the very traits the man whose life story he fought for years to get told indeed wore, battled and died for proudly.

Are knights in shining armours long dead? Did chivalry and gallantry die with them?

William Wallace's story, even with all it's historical inaccuracies, needed and deserved to be told -- and if the legend bears even a fraction of truth, then I have to now ask myself in regards to Mel Gibson's behavior:

What would William Wallace do?

DOG DAYS OF SUMMER

2010-07-07T14:52:00.000-07:00

Ed, B and I are dog-sitting for a month. My mother-in-law is headed to Europe for a month long trip which leaves this clan in charge of her two dogs; a Pomeranian and an American Eskimo. Both adorable.

B picked them up yesterday from her house and brought them here. Going to be quite an adjustment with our 11 year old black lab, T.J., and 12 year old feline, Priscilla ('Prissy'), who has let it be known under no uncertain terms that she is not having it!

Like T.J. and Prissy, 'Coco' and 'Candy' have free reign: they can sleep on the furniture and on our bed (which they're allowed to do at their house also) and I take them out back at least once an hour to do their business but I still manage to catch them 'tinkling' in the house.

I'm hoping this is just an adjustment/new environment thing we have going on here otherwise it's going to be a long month.

Just in case, I bought a months supply of pet carpet cleaner and am already looking up information on professional carpet cleaners when the month is up.

At their house, they're used to having the backdoor ajar so they can go in and out of the backyard as they please. However, due to Prissy being a house cat only, we cannot do things like that here; our backyard is foothills and thus breeding grounds for coyotes which we see almost daily. Even though there is chicken wire separating our backyard and the base of the foothills, coyotes are nonetheless a concern.

So, my anxiety has really shot through the roof (shaking, stressed....) and I can't seem to get a hold of it. No doubt they can pick up on this but I'm doing my best.

Being an animal lover I am making them a priority as this must be just as hard on them.

They're used to their mommy traveling a lot but usually she has someone stay at her house with them, however, that wasn't a viable solution this time so they had to come here.

I'm worried about T.J. and Prissy feeling displaced and upset -- so, all I can do is make sure everyone gets attention while trying to keep up everyone's routine, plus keeping the house and yard picked up.

They're all getting as much positive attention as I can give (plus treats) so I'm hoping after a few more days of 'getting to know you' that they settle down -- and me too!

If not, I'm afraid I simply won't be on that much. My apologies in advance.

Dear Catalina Island mini getaway --hurry up and get here!

Peace and serenity.

MONDAY MINUTE

2010-07-05T14:17:00.000-07:00

I love games, Q & A's and surveys -- I got this one from Meeko! Since "steal" is such a strong word, let's just say I "borrowed" it.

Works for me.

Who of all your blog friends would you like to meet and/or who have you met?

Honestly, I'd like to meet all of them -- I wish there was a Blogspot conference in southern California where we'd all get-together.

I met Meeko from "Ramblings Of A Disgruntled Secretary" a few months back at 'Starbuck's' and I cannot believe I haven't seen him again!

Really need to do something about that!

I would LOVE to meet Steven Anthony from "Life In A Fish Bowl" -- but he's in Michigan and I'm in California...and it sucks.

Someone please plan that Blogspot get-together!

You can get to Meeko's and Steven's blogs from their blog buttons on my side bar under "My favorite Blogs".

What kind of vehicle(s) do you drive?

I drive a 1999 silver Infiniti.

What kind of cell phone do you have?

Verizon intensity.

What's the most annoying thing you wish bloggers would stop doing?

Asking for my E-mail and web address before I can comment.

There's also this blogger (who shall go nameless) who had a 'scuffle' (to say the least) with some other bloggers.

This person kept saying that they're leaving 'blogverse'....and then they come back.

They leave again. They come back again.

They're apologetic. Then they're not sorry at all and everyone is an asshole.

They leave again. Come back again. Leave again....

Yep. 'Crying wolf' comes to mind.

So does 'shit or get off the pot'. If you're going to leave, so be it. Leave and stay gone.

Get over it already, move on and find your peace.

And if you do come back, keep your nasty name calling, temper and ugliness to yourself. This whole thing would have likely blown over by now....

What's the one thing that you still have on your bucket list to do before the year is out?

Ed and I are taking an overnight trip at the end of the month to Catalina Island for his birthday. We haven't been away for over four years.

I haven't been to Catalina since I was 12 and Ed's never been there.

Even though it's only overnight, this is something we're greatly looking forward to and are in badly need of.

More importantly though on my 'Bucket List' is the X amount of money I need to save and keep in the bank.

Until that is accomplished, I don't feel I will ever be alright....

That concludes this portion of today's Meme. Feel free to -- eh hem -- "borrow" this and pass it on.

Peace and serenity.

DRUM ROLL, PLEASE....

2010-07-02T09:25:00.000-07:00

And this is the final product (see post below to understand what the bloody hell I'm babbling about!):

As seen from the original picture of the tat I posted yesterday, B's best friend did an amazing add-on by tatting my children's birth flowers (B's is the Lily Of The Valley and C's is the Blue Aster). I feel like it is now complete and other than being a little sore (which is normal -- after care, of course, is very important), I am tickled and beyond pleased with the results!

It is near impossible to tat white ink on pale skin, so he and I opted for an orchid color shading for B's Lily Of The Valley flowers (purple is mine and B's favorite color) -- after all, art can be abstract so a literal translation was not that important if all it came down to was the color white.

What is important is the detail of his work and the artistry which he nailed. He captured the essence of what I wanted to convey and did a beautiful job 'telling my story'.

For those who missed yesterday's post, four years ago I got the four butterflies tatted on my actual 40th birthday to represent growth, renewal and evolving with the biggest and brightest butterfly representing how I feel as a woman now, which is how I think most of us women feel as we get older. We simply come into an acceptance.

Now, with a representation of my kids on there, I feel as if my story is complete.

I also have a tattoo I had done (also four years ago by the same artist that did the original butterflies) to represent my marriage:

Not sure you can read all the writing but we have 'Cinderella's slipper' and above it our wedding date. Below the slipper it says; "The Slipper Still Fits".

Thank you and kudos to my sons best friend for recognizing his exceptional talent and honing it. He is only nineteen. Imagine what he will be in ten years...

The world awaits you.

My favorite picture of B and his best friend/talented artist taken about three or four summers ago:

Here's a few pictures I found on-line that truly represents someone using humor and artistry in light of a bad situation:

Thank you to all whom I sent a picture to last night who wished me well and loved the new tat! I love you right back!

Peace and serenity.

ALL IN A DAY

2010-07-01T08:42:00.000-07:00

I wish this day would make up it's mind -- I simply hate indecisiveness. If it's going to be a bad day, so be it. All I ask is that it lets me know right away so I can deal...and count my wine supply.

I just found out that 'Starz' cable network has cancelled two of my favorite series: 'Party Down' and 'Gravity'.

Both were critically acclaimed with 'Gravity' only running for one season and left us with a horrible cliffhanger that will now never be resolved nor answered.

'Gravity' was about a support group of eclectic proportions: a straight laced dentist, a quirky make up counter girl, a former model, a teenage boy, a housewife and a construction worker/stand up comedian.

The support group aren't addicts of any kind -- they're suicide survivors.

This quirky 'dramedy' treaded sometimes not so lightly -- but always in interesting ways -- on the psyches of these individuals who were given a second chance at life as they tried to figure out how they got there and 'what now?'.

I was hooked.

Enter Detective Miller (my favorite character); a cop with a dark secret who falls in love with and spies on Lily, the make-up counter girl, who is falling in love with the dentist, Robert.

The ending of season one was explosive and left me wanting for more.

'Party Down' was a comedy about a group of caterers in Los Angeles, all off beat, all with dreams and inter-tangled lives.

I'm down playing how much I really liked this series as I simply have no words to describe how awful it is to get hooked on something that then gets swept right out from underneath you.

For example: A few years ago there was 'Huff' on Showtime (starring the wonderfully talented Hank Azaria and Oliver Platt); it too abruptly ended after a huge season two cliffhanger when 'Showtime' in it's wisdom cancelled it.

If these shows don't make an immediate killing, they're history. All had a loyal following from what I read on-line but 'Nielsen ratings' are always to blame.

Blaming 'Nielsen' is a cop out. I simply don't think the makers of these shows want to take chances anymore and put in the time, patience and nurturing required.

The fact that they were all cancelled out of seemingly no where leaves me weary to ever try anything new again...

Network T.V. is, sadly, all pretty much the same (with a few exceptions, of course, such as 'The Office'); doctor/hospital shows, cop shows, lawyer shows....

Whereas premium cable T.V. has provided some of the best series to date, things you won't find on ABC, CBS or NBC such as the above mentioned shows as well as 'The Sopranos', 'Big Love', 'The Ricky Gervais Show', 'Sex And The City', 'Nurse Jackie', 'Weeds', 'Californication', 'U.S. Of Tara', 'The Tudors' and the upcoming Laura Linney and Oliver Platt vehicle (welcome back, Mr. Platt!) 'The C Word'.

We're so quick to get people hooked and yet even quicker to pull the rug out if something doesn't make millions of dollars or attract 45 million viewers in the first showing.

Nothing is given a chance anymore.

How many businesses would no longer be a part of our commerce if they ran their enterprises the way these producers do?

Must be nice to live life so expendably.

On the upside of today, I am very proud to be receiving a new tattoo by B's best friend since elementary school. He is an amazing artist and always has been -- we knew watching him grow up that he would be involved with something artistically one day.

I've seen enough of his work (including B's tattoos) to know that I not only trust him, but felt it would be sweet symmetry to have him tattoo me.

Not one to be frivolous, I also knew he would give me a good deal, although, he's trying to do it for free but I won't let that happen.

This will be my sixth tattoo and all are personal and have meaning, this one will be no exception: I am getting my children's birth flowers tattooed on my upper right arm.

Lily Of The Valley for B

Blue Aster for my daughter, 'C'

How he will integrate these two very different species and blend them into one is part of the enjoyment and anticipation. I know what he can do and trust him explicitly.

At the very top of my right arm I have four butterflies that I got on my 40th birthday four years ago (all my tats were done by a friend of a friend so I lucked out money wise and talent wise): The butterflies represent each decade of my life with the largest and most colorful representing how I feel as a woman in her 40's; truly evolved.

B's friend is combining the new with the old today and I am excited to see the finished result.

Maybe that will be the catalyst for propelling this day from bad to good.

FIVE SHAGGABLE PEOPLE

2010-06-29T07:50:00.000-07:00

That's right. Who says I'm not classy.

We all have those celebrities in mind -- those certain people that when we see them on the screen, our hearts skip a beat.

When I was a teeny-bopper in the late 70's, it was all about the Cassidy brothers, David and Shaun.

T.V.'s 'The Hardy Boys', starring the latter, was one of my favorite shows then and I'm sorry to admit now that my hall of shame includes my having Shaun Cassidy's posters on my walls and listening to his 8 tracks.

As for David -- well, shit. He's a no brainer. Gorgeous then with the perfect combination of feathered hair, mega-watt smile and puka shell necklaces -- and he's gorgeous now. To this day probably the ONLY song anyone could ever get me to karaoke to (I don't do public humiliation) is "I think I Love You".

So, I'm a sappy schmuck for schmaltz!

I always thought; "If only one of them would meet me they would fall in love with me".

Yep. Grown men falling in love with an 11 year old. Hey, if it's good enough for Jerry Lee Lewis..... Made sense to me.

How many hours, I wonder, did I practice writing 'Jo Anna Cassidy' on notebook paper, my binders, my diary....?

To this day, one of my heartbreaks is that Shaun Cassidy never answered my fan letters (yes, as in plural).

A) He probably couldn't read my girlish handwriting and non-sensical run-on sentences

B) I may very well have likely been the first stalker.

But alas, I was growing up. It had to happen. In 1978 for my 12th birthday, my brother, Vern, gave me Fleetwood Mac's 'Rumours' album (yes, I'm talking vinyl) and suddenly out went the Cassidy brothers, posters and all (sorry, boys), and in came adolescence along with my lifetime love of Rock & Roll. Especially the aforementioned group whom I fear I will never get to see in concert. Lindsey Buckingham's guitar riffs and Stevie Nick's wonderfully gravely voice still make my motor run.

Ahhh...'Fleetwood Mac', 'The Eagles', 'Boston' (R.I.P. Brad Delp).....the memories and their legendary music still lives within me and my CD collection.

Fast forward to the present. My good friend, Steven Anthony from 'Life In The Fish Bowl' (you can get to his wonderful blog from his blog button on my sidebar under 'My Favorite Blogs'), encouraged me to join in the fun of naming five celebrities I deem 'shaggable'.

You may be shocked to know that neither Cassidy brother is on my list. Hey, they had their chance. Time moved on without them.

5) Michael Keaton

I check IMDB.com quite regularly hoping and waiting for the deserved and long awaited cinematic comeback from one of my favorite actors of all time; the guy who brought us 'Mr. Mom', started the 'Batman' movie franchise (and nailed it!), 'My Life', 'The Paper' and 'Multiplicity'. He currently stars as the voice of 'Ken' in 'Toy Story 3'.

His piercing eyes, comedic timing, pouty lips, curly hair....Mmmmmmm.

Still a fan and always will be although I managed to refrain from stalking him. I'm a big girl now, after all. Er, minus the incident where cops were called....

4) Ville Valo, Finnish front man for the group 'H.I.M.'

Okay, so I like androgynous men. His deep and sexy voice, willowy, lanky body and penetrating eyes...not to mention he pulled off a beautiful remake of a rock & roll classic; 'Don't Fear The Reaper'.

3) Rufus Sewell -- tall British actor with big eyes and raspy voice. He was the antagonist in 'The Illusionist' with Edward Norton, the noble king in 'Tristan And Isolde' and the love Kate Winslet couldn't quite get over in 'The Holiday'.

Who could blame her?

2) Jonathan Rhys Meyers. Fresh off the heals of the series finale 'The Tudors' (about King Henry VIII -- please read the post two below this one for my praise of Mr. Rhys Meyers and this series as well as a little history lesson), one look from his gaze and I was hooked.

This Irish actor whose stare will melt any icy exterior -- whom you know from films like 'Bend It Like Beckham', 'August Rush' and his latest; 'From Paris With Love' co-starring John Travolta -- nailed the role of the infamous King Henry and made the British monarchy sexy.

1) Damien Rice. Irish singer of haunting songs such as '9 Crimes' and 'The Blowers Daughter' (which could be heard in the Julia Roberts, Clive Owen, Natalie Portman and Jude Law film, 'Closer').

You can hear the angst and sincerity in his voice when he sings. This low key singer with the rugged yet boyish looks and intense eyes that burn right through you is the epitome of smoldering without even trying.

The Irish accent doesn't hurt, either.

*BONUS SHAG: I'm breaking the rules here by adding a posthumous honorary sex God title to the one and only Cary Grant.

Born Archibald Leach in Surrey, England, Mr. Grant only seemed to get better looking with age.

To this day I envy the love he had for fellow actor Randolph Scott (yes, ladies, Mr. Grant was in all probability gay).

With perfect comedic timing, that recognizable voice and never-ending sex appeal (um, hello 'To Catch A Thief'!), Cary Grant is a do-able shag for the ages.

IS IT JUST ME?

2010-06-28T08:49:00.000-07:00

'CORONA' BEER EDITION:

How can anyone who loves a cold beer on a warm day -- especially with a little freshly squeezed citrusy lime in it -- served with your favorite foods (Mexican food comes to my mind....) take umbrage to a beer commercial showing people happily lazing about on a beach ocean gazing?

I seem to be summertime's answer to the notorious Ebenezer Scrooge.

Just call me Ebbie.

The 'Corona' beer commercials are supposed to evoke a feeling of an easy-breezy summertime.

Instead, in my case anyway, they evoke anger and puzzlement.

It all started innocently enough when last year I viewed one of their commercials: a couple sitting on an uncrowded beach in their well placed lawn chairs, seagulls squawking, ocean waves subtly crashing and enjoying their 'Corona's' which we see in a galvanized pail between the couple. The man is enjoying his 'Corona' when a bikini clad young woman walks by as his head turns following her. The woman with him then squirts him in the face with her cut lime.

Well deserved.

What gets to me though is at closer range we see the woman is drinking 'Corona Light' while the man is drinking the full caloried 'Corona'.

Are we to then assume by the misogynistic tone of that commercial that it is only women who need to watch their figures???

I resented it then and I resent it now.

Fast forward to last night as indeed summer is once again upon us and the 'Corona' beer people -- in their well timed wisdom -- aired a new commercial.

This time we see two males sitting next to each other in lawn chairs, again on a seemingly secluded beach, 'Corona's' in hand.

I see nothing wrong with this commercial thus far, in fact, I am delighted that it needs no explanation. Why can't two male friends or a gay male couple enjoy 'Corona's' on a beach just like last summers previous couple?

Let's put aside the fact that drinking on a public beach is illegal. So, we'll assume it's a private beach and all is well and as it should be.

So, back to my topic at hand; I was really digging 'Corona's' new flair. What, after all, would be so wrong with having two males -- assumptions or no assumptions -- enjoying their time together on this beach?

Apparently what is truly wrong is enough close-mindedness that the 'good people' at 'Corona' then decide to do a wide pan shot and we see that on each side of the two males in question are their female significant others.

Why couldn't it be left alone as is?

'Corona' in all their political incorrectness is doing anything but making me want to buy their beer for my 4th of July or my next Mexican food feast as I'm finding their commercials downright offensive.

Let's pull it together, 'Corona'. We're at the precipice of legal gay marriage everywhere and yes, men have love-handles, too!

Until you can find a way to stop insulting what I -- and no doubt many others --believe in, you can find me wasting away in Margaritaville this summer.

Pardon me, please, while I search for my lost shaker of salt.

THE END OF A DYNASTY

2010-06-25T12:32:00.000-07:00

A few nights ago Ed and I watched the series finale of 'The Tudors'. For those of you who may be unfamiliar with the Showtime series, 'The Tudors' was a four seasons long adaptation of the reign of King Henry VIII, whose last name, of course, was Tudor.

Starring in the titular role was the gorgeous Irish actor, Jonathon Rhys Meyers who artistically nailed King Henry's tyrannical demeanor.

Jonathon Rhys Meyers as Henry VIII

What Henry Tudor wanted, Henry Tudor got and Jonathon Rhys Meyers did a beautiful job of portraying someone whom we really have no idea how he sounded, walked or even looked as even the well known paintings of the infamous king should really be viewed with an abstract eye as most paintings of that era portray everyone -- men and women alike -- as pretty much looking the same with heavily lidded eyes and small mouths. I, personally and in my humble opinion, attribute this more to the artistry of the era rather than accuracy.

What we do know is that King Henry VIII changed the face of religion as we know it today and added divorce to our vocabulary.

Throughout the series, Ed and I remained perpetually in awe of this man who wielded unstoppable power.

*Season one saw Henry married to Catherine of Aragon of Spain, his brothers widow.

Maria Doyle Kennedy as Catherine Of Aragon

They have one child, a daughter; Lady Mary.

Henry, in addition to being King, of course, was also a virile man, supposedly quite good looking and charming allowing him to have any woman he desired in his bed chambers, and he did, having several illegitimate children along the way.

When he meets Anne Boleyn, it is then -- with Anne Boleyn's encouragement and manipulation -- that he becomes increasingly dissatisfied and distasteful of the much beloved by the people, Queen Catherine, who miscarried numerous times unable to bore him a son, with Henry then seeking to annul their marriage so he could marry Ms. Boleyn (whose older sister, Mary, as history tells it, allegedly bore the King's illegitimate son whom Henry wouldn't acknowledge).

When the pope refuses to grant him an annulment, Henry puts in motion to make himself the head of the Church Of England, thus making his own rules and religion and 'divorcing' Queen Catherine to marry Anne Boleyn.

Natalie Dormer as Anne Boleyn

Queen Catherine died shortly thereafter alone and in poverty by royal standards.

History: Lady Mary, of course, would later become known in her short reign as 'Bloody Mary' for her burning of hundreds of so-called heretics when she tried to reinstate Catholicism as England's only religion and denouncing protestants as heretics.

Sarah Bolger as Lady Mary

*In season two we see Anne Boleyn then crowned and married to King Henry as his second wife and already pregnant with Elizabeth who was born in September of that year. After several miscarriages thereafter and not producing Henry a son, he soon becomes bored with Anne and starts courting his future wife, Jane Seymour.

Cries of alleged heresy and incest with her brother surrounds Anne and she is soon imprisoned, tried for treason, found guilty (though she was not) and ultimately, infamously beheaded. Elizabeth was not yet three.

History:

Anne later becomes a sympathetic figure in the women's movement and their daughter, Elizabeth, 'The Virgin Queen', becomes the longest ruler in England's history with her reign known as 'The Golden years'-- she was the last of the Tudor dynasty.

Laoise Murray (right) as Elizabeth Tudor

*Season three opens with Henry marrying who is said to be the true love of his life, Jane Seymour, Henry's third wife.

Annabelle Wallis as Jane Seymour

Jane was said to be a gentle, agreeable woman and whom encouraged good relations with Henry's daughters, Mary and Elizabeth, who went largely ignored by their father.

She gives birth to their son, Edward VI, but dies less than two weeks later from post-natal complications, sending Henry into a long period of grieving.

History: Jane Seymour was the only one of Henry's wives to receive a queens funeral.

Henry is then advised he must have a queen and it is arranged for him to marry Anne Of Cleves, a German noblewoman, who would become Henry's fourth wife.

Joss Stone as Anne Of Cleves

However, Henry is immediately dissatisfied in not being attracted to Anne and has the marriage soon annulled, bestowing upon Anne a home, generous income and the royal title of Henry's 'sister'.

Anne is particularly close to Henry's daughters and Henry and Anne remain good friends, often visiting and playing cards -- she becomes one of his confidants.

History:

Edward VI was nine when Henry died and thus became ruler of England under his maternal uncle's (Jane Seymour's brother, Edward Seymour) guardianship and guidance.

King Henry's daughters, Mary and Elizabeth, were deemed illegitimate and therefore, not eligible at that time for ruling England: Mary was deemed illegitimate due to Henry's annulment from her Mother, Catherine Of Aragon. Elizabeth was deemed illegitimate due to her Mother's, Anne Boleyn's, execution.

Edward VI died when he was fifteen naming Lady Jane Grey, Henry's great-niece (oldest granddaughter of Henry's long deceased sister, Mary), the successor to Edward's throne.

Very soon after, Parliament declared Henry's eldest daughter, Mary, the rightful queen and reinstated her as such.

Lady Jane Grey was then executed less than two weeks after her succession to the throne for high treason.

Lady Jane Grey became a protestant martyr for centuries.

*Season four, and the final season, shows Henry now married to fifteen year old Catherine Howard, his fifth wife (and Anne Boleyn's cousin), with a renewed vigor for the aging king who is painfully afflicted with gout.

Tamzin Merchant as Catherine Howard

Catherine is young, immature, ill prepared and disinterested in her duties as queen. She is also immensely disliked by Henry's eldest daughter, Lady Mary.

Catherine's youth is the catalyst for her bad decisions, including allowing several people into her service who know of her past affairs as well as Catherine then beginning an affair with one of the Kings courtiers, Thomas Culpeper.

This is all soon found out and she becomes the second wife of Henry's to be tried for treason, found guilty (unlike Anne Boleyn, Catherine was guilty) and beheaded.

Catherine and Henry had no children.

History:

After her arrest, Catherine Howard admitted her past liaisons prior to meeting and marrying Henry but would never admit to an affair with Thomas Culpeper although it is alleged that her last words before the blade struck were: "I die a Queen, but I would rather have died the wife of Culpeper."

Upon her house arrest prior to being taken to the tower for imprisonment and, ultimately, her execution, it is said that Catherine Howard escaped the guards and ran to Henry screaming and begging for her life.

It is said Catherine's ghost still roams the palace halls re-enacting this scene.

The end of 'The Tudors' final season shows Henry's interest in Katharine Parr, a twice married protestant wealthy widow.

Joely Richardson as Katharine Parr

While she does not necessarily love Henry at first, she nonetheless marries him, thus becoming his sixth and final wife, and carries on her duties efficiently.

She is well informed, kind, intelligent and deeply loves Henry's children. In fact, it is she who reinstates the Lady Mary and Lady Elizabeth back at the palace, thus, helping them grow closer to their father.

In spite of the new queens love for her, Lady Mary, due to her strong Catholic beliefs, goes on a quest to have her new protestant step-mother denounced as a heretic and tries, with the help of an ambitious and pious clergyman, to have her arrested.

Their plot is unsuccessful due to interference from Henry.

Katharine Parr and Henry had no children together.

History:

Prior to Henry's death -- at the age of 55 in 1547 -- he told Katharine that she will be treated and regarded as Queen of England even after his death. She was also granted a generous stipend from Henry's fortune and was given his blessing for her to remarry with no interference of her income and status.

She then married Thomas Seymour (another one of Jane's brother's), her fourth husband, six months after the kings death, causing a small scandal. Thomas Seymour and Katharine were having an affair prior to her marrying Henry, however, there is no evidence to suggest that the affair continued during her marriage to the king.

Katharine and Thomas Seymour had a little girl named Mary in August of 1548.

Katharine died a month after giving birth to Mary at the age of 35 due to post-natal complications, as was quite common back then. Katharine's husband, Thomas Seymour, was executed when Mary was one due to treason.

Not much is known about Mary Seymour although it is speculated that she was orphaned penniless as it is said her late Mother's wealth was later confiscated by the crown.

It is suggested that Mary Seymour didn't live past the age of ten after being passed around from family to family.

There are also speculations saying she indeed grew to see adulthood marrying a member of the household of Queen Anne Of Denmark.

Another theory suggests she became a lady in waiting to Elizabeth I.

The end of the series:

During the reign of King Henry VIII, we see him execute Sir Thomas More, Cardinal Wolsey, Secretary Cromwell and Lord Surrey -- all one time friends and advisers of the king.

In the end, we see a re-emergence of most of Henry's dead wives in the series finale come back to chide and taunt him in his near death state.

Henry is left with but one true friend, Charles Brandon, the one he's had the longest, and not since the death of Henry's beloved third wife, Jane Seymour, do we see such a decline and grief in the king as we do when Charles dies.

Henry Cavill as Charles Brandon

Henry, in a fit of uncharacteristic generosity, insists on Charles being buried in the royal cemetery, with full honors and fully paid for by the king.

It was this moment of immortality and rare humanity that touched me at the end of this series the most.

We don't see Henry die, instead we see him commission what will become the most famous painting of the king and as he sees it's unveiling, we see Henry reflecting back on the glory days of his reign, his loves, his children, his tyranny, his life.

We then see in slow motion the grim reaper on a white horse coming towards a youthful king....

Well done and....long live the king.

CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?

2010-06-21T13:01:00.000-07:00

Saturday my Mom lost her best friend/sister, Joan (see previous post). She was simply unable to recover from her injuries and of being alone on the floor of her apartment unattended and un-checked on for four days.

With her already being in ill health, this was, sadly, an inevitable outcome.

Equally sad is apathy.

I want to be clear. I didn't know Joan from a can of paint -- and vice versa. I, of course, met her several times in the course of my life but it had been years since I'd seen her with her living in northern California and myself and my clan in the southern part of the state. Joan was indeed reclusive the older she got and became more neurotic as time went on.

While my Mom acknowledged her "sister's" 'loony-ness', the fact remains that they'd been connected initially since birth and remained so.

Naturally, this is a very difficult time for my Mom.

Regardless of whether or not Joan was a part of my existence is irrelevant, the fact is that she was very much connected with my Mom throughout her entire life.

Imagine losing the person in your life who has known you the longest. They were indeed witnesses to each others lives long before husbands and children.

Upon calling a close family member to inform them of my Mom's loss, I was shocked by the apathetic attitude of: "I didn't even know the woman" kind of thing. Okay, well, neither did I but can we not still acknowledge my Mom's loss and heartache?

Another family member seemed much more in tune and empathetic when speaking to my Mom by phone while the one that I called seemed to want to make me feel positively stupid for calling (although, I refuse to do so and stand by my decision) since I received nothing but silence on the other end before informing me of their lack of acquaintance with Joan as well as that they'll simply "think about calling" my Mom to lend some support -- which, of course, they haven't; this was Saturday.

This family member has been upset with my Mom for many years stemming from bad marital choices and financial decisions and no doubt think that I coddle her.

If by "coddling" they mean that I'm able to just let go of certain things -- and the ones that I'm not able to get a grasp on, I go to therapy for...then they're absolutely right.

Hanging onto bitterness and disapproval of bad decisions, even when they affected me personally, have the earmark for an ulcer in the making, not to mention a bitter heart and soul.

I suppose I just find it interesting that people are much more apt to lend a hand to a stranger or a community (which is indeed needed and warranted, of course) but cannot reach out to a family member in need.

I felt this way when Ed and I were down, alone and scared last year that I would have LOVED a phone call from someone -- anyone -- just to say that they were thinking about us.

Or in this case praying for us as this family member is deeply rooted in Christian values.

I guess those values don't reach out to California.

THE OTHER SIDE OF RIGHT

2010-06-15T08:23:00.000-07:00

Where do our responsibilities lie? How much are we accountable for others?

I found myself in the uncomfortable position of righteous indignation yesterday. This was an unfamiliar feeling as most of the time I feel ill prepared for life and it's surprises whether it be grand, tragic or somewhere in between.

My Mom has a lifelong best friend named Joan Rhea (Rhea is her middle name) whom I was named after. My grandparents and Joan's parents were best friends their whole adult lives and Joan and my Mom were born close together, growing up like sisters. They even looked somewhat alike and having been raised in the same neighborhood and going to school together all through adolescence, they were often mistaken as sisters.

In their hearts and to each other, they would indeed refer to each other as such.

They are both now nearly 77.

Joan has two grown boys, one of whom is a vagabond; frequently homeless whose whereabouts are often unknown and the other is quite successful living in Oregon with his wife and infant daughter.

Joan (being long divorced) lives on her own, as she has for many years now, in a retirement community (not an assisted living but rather a lovely condominium complex) in northern California.

Many times my Mom over the years has visited Joan, often sitting on the balcony over-looking the beautiful grounds and enjoying watching the deer.

Joan has become quite reclusive (and a bit odd, to be frank) so it's always my Mom who had to visit her. Due to my Mom's increasing transportation issues, the visits have become less frequent but they talk by phone several times a week.

To lose one would be like losing a part of themselves. They are that close.

So imagine my Mom's worry when after four days she was unable to reach Joan by phone.

I told my Mom she needs to call the retirement complex in which Joan lives to have someone go check on her but she was unable to locate the number.

So, I got on-line yesterday, looked up the name of the complex and found the phone number and explained to the woman who answered the situation with Joan, who then connected me to the security gate.

I spoke to a security guard who immediately took down my name and number, asked for my Mom's name and immediately went to go check on Joan, with a promise to call me back.

He did.

Joan was thankfully alive but had been lying on the floor for four days unable to move or call for help.

Security naturally called 9-1-1 and I could hear the sirens in the background. She was taken to the local hospital where she is due to have surgery today due to a fractured hip.

I called the hospital and told them who I was -- they had to go ask Joan permission to give me any information, which I then relayed to my Mom followed by her great relief. My Mom was positively frantic during this ordeal.

No doubt Joan was dehydrated and weak and when my Mom finally was able to speak to her by phone, hours later, she wasn't very lucid. A stroke perhaps, medication or simply a weakened state from her experience, we're not exactly sure.

I found out through the nurse that in the hospital emergency room sitting next to Joan was a woman named Arlene (yes, I am using real names!). Arlene and her husband, Jerry, live directly upstairs from Joan and have her apartment key. Joan PAYS them to do her grocery shopping for her as Joan has been in a weakened state due to health issues, mostly having to do with her needing a breathing apparatus.

They are also supposed to look in on her. They didn't. Obviously.

Only upon hearing the sirens entering the gated community did Arlene put on her Florence Nightingale act and proceed to accompany Joan to the hospital.

When my Mom heard of this, I swear there was a thump from her hitting the floor!

Not only that, but Arlene is the only one who had Joan's sons phone number. Joan has refused to give my Mom his number because she knew my Mom would call him with concerns for Joan's health and living conditions.

Due to Joan's increasing health risks and her spending habits (she is flat broke after blowing money on QVC and such), her son has tried to convince Joan to move to Oregon to be closer to him and his wife but she has refused to leave her home nor has she permitted a visit from him because she knows he will see the condition she has let herself and her place get and demand that she move to be closer to him where he can keep a watchful eye on her.

So, Arlene has his number but, of course, didn't call him. The hospital got it out of her and was able to contact him.

My Mom was livid. So, Joan's son was eventually reached and he then called my Mom (she now has his number locked and loaded in her address book) to thank her and I for getting Joan help.

Joan will be having surgery today on her fractured hip and will no doubt have to re-think her place of residence and whom will care for her.

Joan's accountability for her condition and refusal of common sense will now no doubt have consequences.

And what about Arlene, this "friend" who was supposed to be looking in on Joan?

The son is quite appalled and will be removing the key from Arlene upon his trip to see his Mom tomorrow, as well as making some big decisions while his wife and baby are at home.

When one takes on the responsibility of accepting a key and taking money from someone to do their grocery shopping (even though you go to the store anyway) with the understanding of checking in daily just to make sure everything is all right, with that comes an obligation, yes? A sense of responsibility.

This is not the time, place or situation for compromise -- and this is where Arlene failed.

"We need to restore the full meaning of that old word, duty. It is the other side of rights."
~Pearl Buck

REMOVING THE TOXINS

2010-06-09T07:48:00.000-07:00

Hi, all. It's been a week or so since I last posted but the explanation for such is quite simple: our computer caught a virus and we had to naturally take it into professionals to have it removed. Costly.

Although we've had it back for a few days now, I've simply been enjoying some much needed quality time with Ed, making some equally much needed changes in my life and dealing with other kinds of viruses: my world is seemingly full of euphemisms.

Ed works in Los Angeles, easily and hour to an hour and a half drive from where we live, more often than not it is much more depending on traffic. He's been working six days a week and on M-F he is gone from 5:00 a.m. to 8:00 p.m. There is much work that needs to be done and he is currently the only one in his department that can do it. Due to this, we've been able to not only catch up on bills, but are paying for B's school, eating a little better and trying to build our savings.

All those things are, of course, good. What is not good is the toll this is taking on Ed. I make a point to feed him only healthy food. He'll be 48 next month, has high blood pressure and a job that's digging him an early grave -- it's my 'job' to counter all those toxins in his life with doing my part for him: home cooked healthy meals, a clean house, laundry that is done, etc.

We also make a point to spend an hour or so together every evening before he goes to bed watching our favorite shows and/or hanging out in the garage watching the boys play pool, which Ed enjoys also. Everyone needs something to help them unwind.

I knew, though. I didn't want to see but I did anyway. I could see that Ed was unraveling.

Was it greed that provided my rose colored glasses and thought process? "If I just do what I need to do, then Ed will have the strength to keep going, too...."

Monday morning Ed didn't go to work. He rarely calls in and when he does, he typically gets an earful from me about responsibility, accountability, what happens when he returns to work (even more work piled up) and yes, money.

This time I laid off. I just let it happen knowing that one day off isn't, of course, enough. However, with the weather nearing triple digits again, he spent the day buying us portable air conditioners as neither of us can withstand a hot, nasty triple degree summer again with no A/C where our house is even hotter inside than it is out. Ed did his research and found a good deal and managed to stay under budget and the boys helped him execute in getting the main one up and running.

Not much of a day off.

So, Tuesday morning comes and Ed wakes me up at 4:30 asking if he could stay home again. Without going into details so as not to infringe on my husbands privacy let me just say that there was a breakdown and my grieved heart overcame my need for stability as I worried about Ed's.

So, yesterday he slept in, played a little pool, watched a movie on DVD ("Dan In Real Life" with Steve Carrell --EXCELLENT MOVIE!) relaxed and got us some lunch while I went to my neurologists appointment and bought a few groceries (including some fresh summer fruit which is now in abundance).

I could tell upon my return he was better. He just needed to vent and not think about anything: not do any chores, not put in any work orders, not have people demand a single thing of him other than what I wanted on my burrito.

He was in better spirits and whatever happened early that morning obviously needed to. In my groggy state I heard a man who's exhausted and desperate.

The solution has yet to be figured out: work less, compromise, delegate -- we don't know.

But I do know what signs to look for in Ed and if need be, I'll make the decisions for him and his own betterment -- no one else's: not mine, not his company's.

My rant has only just begun -- that's cute, though, that you thought I was finished. :D

Adding to our troubles, a few nights ago, B's Jeep was broken into and his sub woofers stolen. This Jeep that he's put so much into is like a bad penny -- one damned thing after another. So, he bought some used sub woofers and Ed and I paid to have an alarm system put in his Jeep.

But, wait...there's more.....

Ever get stuck in a rut because you don't like change? That's me. I'd rather stick a needle in my eye than to learn something new. While I enjoy reading a great deal, it's merely for pleasure as I'm simply not one of those people who craves knowledge, everything I know I'm quite happy with. I'm not exactly a dumb bunny: I know who Diane Arbus is and David Greenglass. I know the play Abraham Lincoln was watching when he was assassinated was called "Our American Cousin", I know 'Sweetwater' was the very first band to play at Woodstock, I know how to spell Mississippi and that 1+1 makes 2.

What more do you people want from me?

So, after seventeen years, I have finally had it with 'Charter Communications', our cable company, and am switching providers. This means not only new cable, but also phone and Internet.

Must've been pretty drastic and really bad customer service that led someone like ME to seek out change after almost twenty years with the same cable company.

It was.

What do you consider free?

Free to me is those samples of the latest crackers and cheese whiz we get at the supermarket from the nice lady in the apron.

Hmm. Can't think of anything else. Sad.

But I know what isn't free? Our 'On Demand' channels and I resent the people at Charter telling me that it is a 'free service' they provide for their customers. It isn't.

Ed and I have the full cable package because we don't go out much at all. Probably even less than most people I'd say.

I like being at home as long as I have everything I need -- enter cable.

Ed and I have favorite shows we watch on cable T.V. ('The Ricky Gervais Show', 'Nurse Jackie', 'Tudors', 'U.S. Of Tara' just to name a few) and if we can't catch them when they're on or if we forget to DVR them, well, we can then catch them On Demand. That's what it's there for, that's what we PAY for.

However, for the past two months or so, our On Demand has been only working part time. Every other day it is on the fritz ("Error Code 204 -- we apologize for the inconvenience....") and about once a week at least I've had to call and/or have a technician come out to try and resolve this. We've re-booted, switched out our HD cable box, I've talked to supervisors, customer service and technicians.

Nothing has been resolved and the issues remain.

The catalyst for me was speaking yesterday to a nifty supervisor named Mark. After explaining once again what our issues are and that all I really want is for it to work as it should, he then proceeded to tell me that On Demand is a free service and that in essence (and I'm paraphrasing here but this is the gist of his 'point') I'm lucky we have it at all -- and if my other services are working fine then what's the problem? Why can't I just watch my shows when they come on? Um, because I have a life, that's why and because we are paying for something that we should be able to utilize. That's how commerce and democracy works.

I know this because when Ed and I had to scale down last year during our financial troubles, we had to rid ourselves of some premium channels and when we did so, those premium channels weren't available for us On Demand, either. Fair enough. You get what you pay for.

When we later took advantage of an offer by Charter to have the full package for a lower cost, those premium channels were once again available to us On Demand. So, don't tell me they're 'free' -- they're not.

Furthermore, they should work. Again, that's what we pay for and I resented this schmuck, Mark, not only telling me otherwise but inferring that I should be happy with the toys I have and not complain.

That's all, brother. I was done right then and there.

Ed works too hard, too long and spends way too much time away from home for our money just for this asshole to tell me what we should be grateful for.

It's almost like he was saying: "So, your wagon has one broken wheel, big deal -- you still have three good ones!"

It was sheer audacity.

So, while Ed got on our house phone with AT & T, I got on my cell phone with Charter and finally explained to them that after seventeen years, we were switching companies and why.

I spoke with two representatives who were mortified at Mark's behavior and apologized profusely all the while I'm standing firm, appreciating their efforts but making it clear that nothing they can do at this point is going to change my mind.

I told Kassie, a very nice supervisor there, that most everyone I have spoken with has been apologetic and I told her what I told them; "Apologies are all good and well, I just want a solution. I just want this problem fixed once and for all" and they obviously couldn't do that.

When I think of how many times they've been out here and how long I've spent on the phone trying to resolve this, it really came down to being a no-brainer.

So, thank you to Kassie, Adolfo and Ron at Charter for their time, efforts and empathy. It was too little too late but your time and efforts were appreciated.

Some things, whether you like it or not, are worth changing in exchange for peace of mind and the small cost of high aggravation being removed from your life.

This is what I learned this week. I didn't want to learn it and fought against it. But I obviously needed this lesson in my life.

There are exceptions to every rule, even mine.

Wishing you all peace.

SEX AND THE PITY

2010-06-01T11:08:00.000-07:00

WARNING: This post of my 'Sex And The City 2' movie review contains spoilers -- read no further if you haven't yet seen the movie.

This past Sunday we treated ourselves to the long awaited 'Sex And The City 2' movie -- the sequel to 2008's 'Sex And The City: The Movie'.

At our local AMC theater, if you go to any movie on Friday, Saturday or Sunday before noon, the cost is only $6.00. With movie prices now at $11.00 for non-matinee show times, the early show times at $6.00 a pop are well worth getting up and ready for. Purchase your own candy ahead of time, too (this is where big purses come in handy), and it's really a bargain.

Or so we thought.....

The first movie found Carrie and 'Big' finally controlling the helm of their long time coming (ten years to be exact) happy ending after their disastrous and heartbreaking large wedding fell through thanks to 'Big's' inability to accept marriage again in his life. In the end all turned out well and they married at city hall. 'Ever thine. Ever mine. Ever ours'.

Miranda and Steve found peace after he revealed to Miranda his infidelities and Miranda herself faced -- and came to terms with -- her own truth and shortcomings leading to a reconciliation.

After years of infertility, Charlotte and Harry were finally able to conceive 'baby Rose' adding to their happy family with their addition of adopted Lily.

Samantha ended her and Smith Jerrod's five year romance leaving Smith -- and us audience members -- heartbroken. She moved back from L.A. to New York solo to learn how to be single again and continue her public relations career.

We only see Smith once early on in this new 'SATC' (Sex And The City) film when he asks Samantha to go to the opening of his new movie. He knows his career is all owed to her and her P.R. prowess. They obviously remained on good terms.

I was disappointed, however, as while the filming of the new SATC movie was going on, pictures were taken and published by the media of 'Samantha' on the 'SATC 2' set in a wedding gown complete with a hand held bouquet leaving us fans to jump to conclusions about her finally settling down with Smith.

Alas, that didn't happen in this film and no where in the film did she don a wedding gown.

The makers of the film obviously did one of two things: decided to go another route with her character or was simply throwing fans and media off the scented trail.

Either way, this new film was one big cluster f*@& and a waste of time, money and energy, in my opinion.

This new film opens with the marriage of Stanford and Anthony, once enemies throughout the series who, in the first film, finally gave in to love.

It is revealed that Anthony gave Standford the elaborate wedding of his dreams complete with swans and Liza Minelli officiating and then completing the ceremony with a Beyonce song and dance number.

Gays and fans alike will see this as the highlight of the film -- with one hiccup: Anthony gave Stanford the wedding of his dreams in exchange for Anthony being allowed to cheat during their marriage.

Huh?

Then we don't see them again for the rest of the film.

Are we to hope and assume that Anthony has a change of heart and that they live happily ever after?

The film doesn't answer that question for us and does a disservice to those of us who are pro-gay marriage.

Next we see Carrie as the one now dissatisfied with married life -- Big is perfectly happy and content to stay home and watch old movies with her while we see Carrie as having no growth. Finally landing the love of her life after ten years, wild child Carrie wants to still party and enjoy the nightlife. She and Big decided that children isn't something either of them desire but yet she remains dissatisfied with home life.

So, she pouts and runs off to her apartment (which she kept) to finish a new book giving Big the idea that perhaps a few days apart each week will be good for them.

Then she wonders why he feels that way.

A business opportunity then arrives for Samantha to visit a five star hotel in Abu Dhabi courtesy of the business men who want her to do P.R. for their new hotel.

Her and the girls then run off for a few weeks in what is an all paid, all inclusive vacation in a $22,000 a night suite complete with personal servants.

This comes at a perfect time for Charlotte who, after finally getting everything she too wants in life, is overwhelmed with 'Mommyhood' and a constantly crying two year old Rose.

Also ready for a break is Miranda whose new boss is demeaning of her. So, she quits the law firm and heads off to the middle east with the girls.

The tag line being; "Sometimes you just have to get away with the girls".

For me during this pointless romp, all I wanted to do was get away from the theater.

Being a long time, die hard fan of the show and of these ladies, I was eager to see where life had led them, in spite of my feeling that the first movie concluded everyone's storyline quite well.

During a shopping trip to the local spice market, Carrie runs smack into Aidan (who is there on a business trip), the love she let go of years ago and left broken hearted because she could never quite get over Big.

Running into Aidan makes Carrie once again question her life and they then share a passionate kiss -- in which she then immediately flees in her 'slit up to there' gown, looks back at Aidan with one last longing look and proceeds to confess all to Big on the phone.

Pointless.

While Charlotte and Miranda (the only Mommy's) bond over drinks and confessions of how hard motherhood is, Samantha soon gets in trouble with locals for her immodest clothing and openly sexual ways after meeting a business man and carrying on in public with him.

She is soon arrested -- and ultimately allowed to leave -- and the business men to whom this vacation was paid for by, soon drop their interest in her and the girls are forced to flee the hotel in one hour. Of course, not before having more run-in's with locals thanks to Samantha's menopausal hot flashes thus her wearing shorts and a tank top. Not helping matters is her purse strap breaking in which her condoms fall out in the middle of the street, causing a mob scene in which they're chased by angry men and forced to hide all the while trying to make it to the airport on time, while Carrie searches frantically for her lost passport.

Again, pointless.

Finally back home, we see Charlotte and Miranda happy to be home and met by their families (and a job in a new law firm for Miranda) while Big is no where to be found upon Carrie's arrival. A few hours later, Big arrives home admitting his hurt over Carrie's kiss with Aidan and then gives her a diamond ring with her promising to never to stray again and Big promising to stick it out for the long haul with neither of them leaving their nest for that previously discussed two day break.

Once again, I was left with a bewildered 'huh?'.

The movie had no plot, no point and worst of all, no heart. It was two and a half hours of fluff and only Samantha's continuing sexual exploits and antics make the film worth seeing at all.

'Sex And The City 2' was outdone by the new 'Shrek' movie in box office sales.

Ogre trumps Prada.

THURSDAY TIRADES

2010-05-27T11:00:00.000-07:00

"I did my best but I guess my best wasn't good enough...."

La-la-la-freaking la!

Okay, the 'More Magazine' beauty/essay contest is officially over and now the judges have the 'difficult task' of picking the winner.

This contest ran from March through May and is now officially closed while we wait for the 'verdict'.

The idea was for women over 40 to send in a photo (non-professional) with an essay of 150 words or less recounting why this is the best time of their lives.

I saw this more as an opportunity rather than a competition. An opportunity for us women of a certain age to shine and to present ourselves honestly and as we are in exchange for literary recognition with first and second prizes in the thousands -- plus a trip to New York to get published in 'More Magazine'.

"I should have been a contender."
~Marlon Brando from "On The Waterfront"

I doubt that my ~~campaign~~ approach of an "honest face of forty" will hold merit compared to other entries such as these below (but just a few samplings):

The rules stated that the photo submitted must be non-professional:

"Photo must be .jpeg or .bmp image format and cannot exceed 3 MB, taken at entrant's direction and with entrant's permission, non-professional, and must not have won any prize or award."

With that said -- and the rules of a 'non-professional submitted photo' clearly broken by many of the contestants (again, the above is just but a sampling of the many discrepancies I found with other entries) -- do I think I'm anymore beautiful than the other entries?

Nope. Not at all.

In fact, I think of myself as quite ordinary -- but I also happen to think that 'ordinary' women are the ones who sparkle. Us gals who know that true beauty comes from our life experience, intelligence, compassion and hearts -- and not from the make-up counter.

I stand at 14 votes and am immensely proud of every single one of those votes and of the people who voted for me -- and I thank you.

They were a vote for honesty, integrity and more importantly, a vote for MS as 10% of my earnings would have gone to the MS Society.

I suppose this is a case of where I "shouldn't count the chickens before they're hatched." Okay, so I don't eat chickens but you get the point for my lack of a vegan friendly analogy.

As I've said before, I don't begrudge anyone to do what they feel necessary to make themselves feel better, all the power to them (rock on sisters!) -- however, I would compare their entries with a professional dancer or singer entering an amateur contest.

So, thank you to those of you who saw it in you to support me and my cause and take the time to vote -- I'm hoping that if it's not me who wins, that it's someone who indeed presented themselves without the smoke and mirrors like some of the other entries who garnered thousands of votes due to lingerie, sexy posing and professional photographers.

Otherwise, there's something rotten brewing in Denmark and every woman over 40 who entered this under the assumption of honest tallying is perfectly entitled to drown themselves in the savoring taste of bitter grapes.

WORLD MS DAY

2010-05-26T11:39:00.000-07:00

In a rare second post of the day (see my post below this one which, coincidentally, can serve as a companion piece to this post), I just found out that today is 'World MS Day' -- how this fact escaped my attention is beyond me. Unlike other illnesses and afflictions that get their own months and much more recognition (not that they aren't deserving of such, so, please don't misunderstand me) Multiple Sclerosis isn't one of them. I'm hoping to help change that.

I am proud to be an activist and fundraiser for MS and encourage all who read this blog to get proactive.

This is something I've been involved with for about three years or so now after having met someone whom MS has robbed of everything but his spirit.

Through my journey in the MS cause I have learned that there is only so much we have control over -- while there are medications that can slow down the progression of MS, there is no cure. While MS can sometimes (but not always) take away our cognition, memory, dexterity, use of legs and limbs -- it cannot rob one of their will and sheer inner strength. I have met so many people who live the day to day fight against this affliction that it inspires me to thrive in my own life.

It would indeed be an unnecessary serving of injustice were I -- or anyone -- to do otherwise.

I fundraise for the MS Walk in my area and volunteer on the day of the Walk at the MS Walk site. I also attempt to get local businesses involved by donating gift cards and such for the raffles at the Walks where 100% of the proceeds go to fund research for a cause and cure for MS.

There is much still to be done and much you can do also.....

Through my involvement, I have been very blessed to get to know the staff members of my local National Multiple Sclerosis Society (NMSS) chapter where I see first hand their hard work, humility, dedication and integrity. They have invited me to work at the camps they hold once a year in Crestline, CA. where people with MS get to enjoy a mountain getaway (thank you, "Till and Jodd"!) complete with talent shows, crafts, swimming, workshops, yoga, meditation, food, lodging, etc. -- it's all inclusive and they even provide scholarships to those who cannot afford to attend.

I encourage you to visit www.nmss.org to find out more about MS and what you can do.

The MS walk season may be over, but as I've said before, fundraising and awareness for MS never is.

FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO DON'T KNOW MY STORY, FOLLOWING IS HOW I GOT INVOLVED AND WHY I DO WHAT I DO:

I became -- and stayed -- involved with the MS cause in October of 2007 when I was working in an assisted living community.

Mid October of that year, a fifty one year old resident moved in. Curiosity got the best of all of us working there wondering why someone easily 30 years younger than the other residents was moving in.

One male resident, in his eighties, very matter of fact told me one day that when he moved in at the A.L. community, that he knew it would be the last place he would live in his lifetime. Many of the residents had simply come to accept that they come there to die.

This stuck with me.

I was then told by a higher up that this fifty one year old new resident has MS. I also learned that a few years before, his wife of thirteen years had left him when his MS became too much to handle and she was off to 'greener pastures'.

I later learned through him that she is now married to the man she left him for who could provide her with the lifestyle to which she had become accustomed being married to this new resident when he had a substantial income and was able to earn more than a good living before his MS progressed to the point where he simply couldn't anymore.

His name is Scott -- and he and I became fast friends.

Scott opened up to me telling me that one day his wife simply got up one morning and announced; "We're getting a divorce." He asked her if they can please discuss this and if there's anything he can do to make things better, and she simply repeated her sentiment of getting divorced with no explanation.

They had no children.

Scott was diagnosed with MS in 1989 when he was 33 years old and newly engaged. He then told his fiancee` of his diagnosis and explained to her that he doesn't yet know what this will mean for their future (remember, this was well before the age of the information era known as the 'World Wide Web') and that he would understand if she would rather not go through with their life together. In essence, he gave her an 'out' in which she then chose to stay by his side and proceeded to take the vows of: 'For better for worse, in sickness and in health'.

Thirteen years later, she had forgotten those vows.

Having had to retire early from his position as a Hospital Administrator (for which he worked very hard for in the eighties and nineties after years of schooling and getting his masters degree), Scott was now left with little choice but to call his parents who lived here in Riverside and asked if he can come home.

His parents, a retired doctor and nurse, made their home wheelchair accessible for Scott lives his life in a power chair unable to walk due to the progression of 'Secondary Progressive MS'.

His mother was riddled with cancer and died shortly thereafter. His father then died a few years later from heart disease, leaving Scott's older siblings with no choices of their own now but to place him in assisted living, with Scott's blessing and clear understanding, of course.

Scott shared with me a letter his Dad wrote to him a few years before his death where he stated to Scott that as a doctor who practiced medicine and healed patients for over fifty years, his one heartbreak and regret was that he was unable to heal his own son.

Scott is simply unable to care for himself without the need of caregivers and neither his older brother nor his older sister had the capabilities in their home and busy, working lives to care for him the way he needs.

They provide him with everything he needs in his new home there, visit him frequently (even though his brother lives about eight hours north of here and his sister about two hours south) and pay for his VERY high cost to live there to have the 24 hour care he needs.

Scott needs the use of a hoyer lift and caregivers to get him out of bed, into the shower every morning, on the toilet, dressed and into his power chair. He cannot simply get up and do these things on his own, if he needs to use the restroom, he has to push a button and wait for a caregiver to come in and lift him out of his chair via hoyer lift and back in again.

He once told me that he doesn't find this to be demoralizing to him nor undignified. Before moving into assisted living he told me that he would attempt these things for himself at home, but then said: "There was nothing dignified about me lying on the floor in the bathroom, unable to get myself up and back in my chair."

I got it.

From there I became proactive and participated in my first MS Walk, raising funds for a cause and cure for MS.

As of now, this is what we know:

*There is no cure for MS

*The only known cause -- which is not exclusive -- is that it is genetic (not hereditary, but genetic). This was just discovered about a year and a half ago through research but there are still many theories that have yet to be tethered down

*More than fifty percent of women than men get MS

*Each research project takes anywhere from three to five years and costs hundreds of thousands to millions of dollars each

This is why I do what I do.

Symptoms:

*Loss of gait/balance

*Decreasing dexterity

*Tingling and numbing in limbs, hands, feet and fingers

*Double vision/eye sight worsening

*Memory loss/lack of focus and concentration

These are just a few of the symptoms for MS -- there are no two cases alike.

Since befriending Scott and joining the cause of MS, I have since made many new friends through the MS Society in my area. I just got back this past Sunday from my third consecutive year as a camp counselor/caregiver at the MS camp that the MS Society holds for one week in May up in Crestline, CA. at a camp for the disabled called 'Camp Paivika'.

I'm supposed to lift their spirits but find more often than not that it is the other way around. It is the most enlightening thing I have ever had the pleasure to be a part of.

I also embarked in April my third year of the MS Walk in Scott's name and honor.

I've been blessed enough to raise over $10,000 the past three Walk seasons -- but this year fundraising has been more like a slow crawl with the economy being what it is.

When I send out my fundraising E-mail's every Walk season with the link to my MS Walk page, I just simply ask that people give what they're able to -- I would never ask, nor expect, anyone to put themselves in financial dire straits. I explain that if everyone gave just five, ten or twenty dollars, we would more than exceed our goal.

I also understand that many don't have that to give -- I know there have been times when I sure wasn't able to.

With that said, if you're able to give, kindly allow me to say that I have seen first hand what the MS Society does and, therefore, I can and do support and get behind them wholeheartedly because I know where the donations go and what good is done with every dollar.

Below is how you can help if you're so inclined and able to. I tell the people I solicit from that I as well as anyone understand if they're not able to contribute -- again, I would never expect anyone to go beyond their means, only to do what they're able, if they're able.

Following is how you can help. If anyone has any questions or problems navigating the site getting to my MS Walk page, or would perhaps like to donate via a check as opposed to on-line -- please contact me at ejcbtheshamrock4@aol.com and please be sure to identify yourself in the subject box so as your E-mail inquiry doesn't get confused with spam and accidentally deleted. I can also send you the direct link to my page via E-mail if you'd prefer but the following should get you there also.

I hope Scott's story has touched your heart as it did mine. Thank you.

"Blessed are those who give without remembering. And blessed are those who take without forgetting."
~Bernard Meltzer

To make an on-line donation:

1) Go to www.walkmssocal.org

2) Click 'Donate/Pledge' on the left hand side in the green column

3) Then click 'Donate' on the next page

4) From there click 'Search For Participant' and type in my name: Jo Anna O'Hara

5) You should then be led to my participant page where you follow the directions to donate--this is a secure site.

*You may have to search by my Walk date/location which is: The Quake Stadium in Rancho Cucamonga -- Inland Empire -- on April 17th, 2010 and then follow the instructions above.

Many thanks, appreciation and a continued blessed 2010.

Peace and serenity,
~Jo
"You desire to know the art of living, my friend? It is contained in one phrase: make use of suffering."
~Henri-Frédéric Amiel
Swiss poet and philosopher

AROUND THE CAMP FIRE

2010-05-26T08:43:00.000-07:00

Hi, all. I'm back from camp. I made it down the mountain Sunday afternoon by the skin of my teeth. The sky was angry that day, my friends (enter George Costanza). Okay, not really but the roads were icy and slushy and amidst a flurry of snowflakes and panic (yes, that would be ME), all's well that ends well.

I went on Weatherchannel.com prior to leaving Thursday morning. Weather was supposed to be quite nice all weekend, mostly in the high 60's and low 70's. Thursday was indeed lovely then it went cold quite quickly and I found myself ill prepared. No coat. Only a light jacket and sweater. What a nincompoop! I know better and yet nonetheless neglected to pack accordingly 'just in case'.

Other than competing with Frosty for the coldest (NOT coolest) entity, all went well. I'm always so happy to see Ed, B and my 'other kids' when they pick me up on departing day. While it's nice to get away and focus on others, it's always nice to come home, too. Although, I came home with a swollen inner right ankle -- for my birthday, Ed and B went in on a new pair of vegan friendly tennis shoes for me (all man made materials -- no leather) which I needed for my walks. Unfortunately, I hadn't broken them in completely and ran around camp like a crazy person not realizing until the last night of camp that the tennis shoe had rubbed the inside of my ankle causing it to swell three times it's size. How did I not realize this????

So, in addition to having 'cankles' (Hillary Clinton anyone???) I also had to recuperate before returning to my walking routine which I am doing this morning.

To re-cap: this is a camp held by the National Multiple Sclerosis Society for people afflicted with MS. The NMSS are just kooky enough to hire me to work as a caregiver in one of the women's cabins and I'm only too pleased to be a part of this experience.

Normally camp is five nights, however, due to budget restraints it was only three nights this year. It was a smaller crowd but they're hoping next year it will go back to five, budget allowing. Everyone is feeling the crunch.

It was a good time, but very busy with activities and we were all pooped! One caregiver is required to attend the events whether it be crafts, workshops, yoga, etc. Personally, I avoid the craft room like the plague as I'd rather stick needles in my eye than do crafts so I attended everything else instead. There's always other caregivers on hand that do enjoy crafts so I gladly leave it to them.

It's always an interesting dynamics -- as with anything there's people you connect with and people you don't but it's always fun, busy and I enjoy earning my keep.

One thing I participated in was the journaling workshop. Public speaking is not my forte, I typically do better on a one on one basis but found it quite easy to speak to the campers about my blogging experience and why I began. As everyone who reads my blog knows, my blog is very personal and I encouraged those who don't blog or journal to do so as it provides a cathartic outlet. Todd is the regional program manager of the NMSS for my area and asked me to co-manage the journaling workshop and, again, although I was hesitant to speak in public I found it nice to share with the campers on what they can do to get their story out there about their personal experience with MS. One camper really touched my heart as she and her husband like to travel but one of the symptoms of having MS is memory loss so she would like to start a memory/travel blog which I am happily going to help her set up.

I wish I had taken pictures but....alas, I have none. One of the attendees was nice enough to E-mail me this group shot. Sorry it's so small -- I couldn't figure out how to re-size it. I'm the second one in the last row on the right hand side of the picture.

I hope everyone had a great week and I'm looking forward to visiting all of you. I'm off for my walk with my friend, Nikki, in a bit so will stop by to see as many of you as I can before I have to start getting ready. If not, tomorrow it is. I know it's been a long time coming and again, I apologize. Between my birthday, B's birthday, Mother's Day and camp -- life has been full but I'm slowly getting back to my routine, including an appointment with my therapist on Friday. And so it is that life simply goes on.

Thank you, again, for your patience and tolerance. I've missed you all.

Peace and serenity,
~Jo

ONE STEP AT A TIME

2010-05-18T12:21:00.001-07:00

It would seem I'm in need of recovery -- of which one method is following steps. One of those steps is making amends and being accountable.

I'm not an alcoholic or a drug addict, nor do I gamble. However, what I am guilty of lately is neglect, for which I need to atone.

I have taken some much needed time away from blogging (and visiting others -- again, my heartfelt apologies to my loyal and lovely blog friends) to breathe, organize and to feel better about my day to day existence.

I've done a little redecorating and revamping my home: I figure since I spend so much time here I need to make my home a place I enjoy being at and a place where Ed wants to come home to every night after being away for 15 hours a day, six days a week.

I repainted a wood panel on my garage door that was replaced due to termites and left unpainted by the landlady. I removed things from my living room to let in more light. I planted some flowers out front. I cleaned the mess that was on my bedroom floor (*see also Jo dumping worn only once clothes instead of hanging them back up or placing them back in drawers) and I bought a foam mattress pad and new pillows so Ed can sleep better (he's been tossing and turning on our old, worn out mattress and waking up feeling more tired than when he went to bed). I've been making my bed every day now ("It sets the tone for the day") and making sure the house is always picked up and clean. Something I, sadly admit, wasn't to keen on before.

The boys also recently cleaned up the garage (where we added an acquired free pool table and a dart board) and cleaned up the backyard, too, where we now have horseshoe pits, courtesy of my 'oldest son', J.

All this makes for a nicer environment as this is indeed the proverbial 'waterhole', where people gather. Mostly this is where we landed and for however long we inhabit it, I needed to make it more livable and enjoyable to be in.

So, this has taken up much time, plus I'd been getting things ready for B's 20th b. day party which was this past Saturday in which things never seem to go as planned. I found myself once again too overwhelmed to cope and no matter how organized I think I am, I never feel like I spend enough time with this person or that. Food is never heated up in the timely manner I assumed it would be, etc.

Then...something strange happens and everyone tells me they really had a nice time and enjoyed themselves. B, especially, was very happy with the turnout and events. How did that happen? It's simply beyond me.

In my haze of exhaustion and mania, somehow joy slipped in.

Next up is MS Camp this Thursday the 20th through Sunday the 23rd (courtesy of our local National Multiple Sclerosis Society) in the mountains of Crestline, CA. This will be my third consecutive year there hired by the NMSS and is something I always look forward to. There's always that one person to whom you feel a difference was made and I come away feeling enlightened and inspired by these brave people who live with this affliction. My cabin I feel particularly blessed to be in with my spirited gals with whom there is never a dull moment.

Last night, however, I was feeling not so into it as I have in previous years, with my not wanting to leave my exhausted -- and not feeling so well -- husband behind. I began to cry saying that I didn't want to go this year, in which he quickly reminded me how much I always enjoy myself there and that it will no doubt be the same again this year. And he's right. I just have a big case of 'cry-baby-itis' lately. "Hello Mudda, Hello Fadda" anyone? From the 1993 camp reunion film, 'Indian Summer' (GREAT movie!):

So the remainder of my time these next few days will be getting things in order here before I leave.

But before I do, let me say in particular to W.O.W., SITS (and the featured bloggers of late that I've neglected to come and say hello to), Steven Anthony, Meeko (missed you on Saturday), Elle, Herrad, Allen, Ms. Bibi, Navqee and Andrea that I'm so sorry I've been so neglectful of late -- please know that you're all on my mind and upon my return I vow to get back to visiting you all more regularly.

To all of you who have become new followers and who were kind enough to visit me on my W.O.W. day last Wednesday -- I so appreciated all your kind comments; they truly lifted me up and helped me get through the next few days events. I'll be happy to come and visit you all soon and look forward to that.

All my friendship, peace and serenity,
~Jo

WOW--EE!

2010-05-11T23:01:00.001-07:00

Hi and welcome to those of you from W.O.W. I feel unworthy of being today's 'BON' (Blogger Of Note) seeing as I've been an absent blog friend as of late.

I was given notice about two weeks ago that today would be my day, I nonetheless, in typical fashion, waited until the last minute to do this as I seem to work better in 'panic mode'.

Anyone else do this???

Welcome to my neurosis. Try not to be afraid -- just go with it.

For those of you who don't know, W.O.W. stands for 'Words Of Wisdom' run by Pam and Sandy for anyone who likes to read -- and write -- good blog content.

You can get to W.O.W. from my side bar by clicking on their button under 'My Favorite Blogs'.

I'm Jo, by the way. To sum up me and my blogs purpose, I am a 44 year old wife and Mom to two grown children; my son, 'B', will be twenty this Friday and my daughter, 'C', is 23. B is a full time college student at our local junior college and looks to be a child therapist one day. Our daughter...well, we've been estranged for quite some time; she has Asperger's Syndrome but works part time in retail and lives with a roommate nearby. If any of you are praying people, please just kindly pray for her.

Ed is my husband and one I am grateful for. I actually still really like him, which any 'married for eons' person can tell you is quite vital and healthy.

I am a stay at home wife, vegan and an advocate/fundraiser to find a cause and cure for MS (Multiple Sclerosis). Having a friend with MS who got me pro-active in it's cause, it's difficult for me to now remember what I found so important in my day to day trivial tasks before learning about this debilitating affliction.

We are also recent filers of bankruptcy, after losing our home of 16 years, which is why I began this blog; to vent, whine, bemoan and otherwise negate. However, we came out of it in tact after a horrendous year and a half, and are now fighting our way back to 'normal' -- or a facsimile thereof. Anything closely resembling normal at this point, I'll take it.

In light of this, I noticed I began having issues with joy which seems to be elusive and not in places it was before.

So, with the help of a therapist to guide me with my depression and anxiety diagnosis, I, too, am attempting to fight my way back to a healthier state.

Maya Angelou says: "You do the best you know how to do and when you know better, you do better."

I am immensely grateful to my blog friends and supporters for being patient and tolerant of my neurosis which sometimes consist of week long absences. Occasionally I just need to not think about things and my good blog friends such as Elle, Ms. Bibi, Steven, Meeko and Andrea (just to name a few) have been terribly kind and empathetic propelling me further into unworthiness.

All is not doom and gloom, however, as I try with all my might -- as we all do, I believe -- to hold onto a perpetual state of hope as that's simply one thing that no one can take away.

“What seems to us as bitter trials are often blessings in disguise”
~Oscar Wilde

I'm only too happy and pleased to make new friends and want to thank Pam and Sandy from W.O.W. so kindly for thinking me worthy -- and I thank you for stopping by.

Peace and serenity,
~Jo

A few posts to catch you up:

http://theendoftherainbowlifeafterbankruptcy.blogspot.com/2010/01/sad-housewife-no-longer.html

http://theendoftherainbowlifeafterbankruptcy.blogspot.com/2010/03/yeahput-it-in-chalk.html