Wednesday, February 9, 2011

MY LIFE IN OZ


Dear friends,

What's it been? Two months? Too long. I think of my dear friends, Elle, Jules, Steven and Michael and all my followers every day and have missed you all madly!

We moved about a week and a half ago, just a few blocks, really, but it's been an exhausting process and one I'm glad is 'over'. Well, over in the sense that we're here and nearly settled in, but not over in the fact that I feel at home, at ease....

I look around at all my familiar things and notice they -- and I -- are once again out of our element and have ventured into unfamiliar territory.

The things are mine, and while we pay to live here -- is it really mine? Is this really my life?

I feel as if I'm visiting someone else's house and find myself shuffling through cabinets and drawers that aren't technically mine looking for things that are.

This is a strange ethereal like storm I seem to be in: the sky is blue, the air crisp, borderlining on warm, with nary a cloud in sight...yet I feel rumpled and ruffled as if tumbled and jumbled in a gust of gale winds that landed me in Oz, without the singing of Glinda and the Munchkins to welcome me.

I keep clicking my heels...but, I still feel a sense of disturbance even though I am now still -- on the outside.

No yellow brick road or great wizard in sight -- however faux -- to seek out. No Scarecrow or Tin Man to accompany me, although I suspect that I am indeed the Cowardly Lion in the guise of an almost 45 year old female not dealing well, once again, with change.

Ed and B love it and are quite happily placed, trying to project their happiness onto me. Telling me that I will come to love it and it will be fine.

I want that assurance and fulfillment -- and I find myself fraught with envy.

In the long run, I know this was a cyclone that needed to happen in order to improve our financial health and put things back in order.

I guess I just have yet to appreciate it's significance and what this tempest will come to mean for our lives.

I wish I were braver. Calmer. Eager to embrace.

I wish I was home.

12 comments:

Elle said...

You summed up so perfectly the discombobulation brought on by a move--it's a HUGE change!! I always, always find myself feeling nostalgic for the old, resistant to the new, and a little bit lost after a move. It will get better. In time, you will be home. *HUGS*

David Allen Waters said...

I understand this feeling all to well my wonderful friend....luv and hugs to u

Jaynie Martin said...

Jo moving is one of the top stresses in our lives, its natural to feel out of things when your in a new strange place everything your feeling is normal some of us settle quicker, easier than others some dont show that they are slightly out of sorts although they are and then there are those of us that cant hide that we feel lost and just generally out of the loop. Remember jo you had changes that disrupted your life and hurt but the ones ahead of you are all looking positive all changes for the better im so pleased for you to be moving on - i think it will help you in leaving the past behind and the start of learning anew that there is some good out there xxxx

Jules said...

So sorry I'm 5 days late, not intentional, Google. My dear sweet Jo, the Yellow Brick Road is right there under your feet, just click your heels.

It will never be those material things or a deed or bank account that has no end which gets us to Oz. It is the love in our hearts and our family/friends.

So click your heels, smile and say,"In my heart, I'm home."

Hugs and Love my rainbow friend!
Jules @ Trying To Get Over The Rainbow

Green Monkey said...

nothing compares to moving... just the thought of it freaks me out. How are you Jules? I've been really inconsistent about writing and reading, but as soon as I start to feel as though I'm getting back into the swing of things... I come visit. HAPPY SPRING!

jaanpehchaan said...

Peace, Love and Happiness. Good luck to you. My prayers are with you and your family.

Jules said...

Jo,
Sure miss you and I can't get the Twitter thing. Hope all is well and the move turned out fabulous.
Jules @ Trying To Get Over The Rainbow

Jayne Martin said...

I'm faced with moving this year, too. After 17 years in a house I can no longer afford, I've made the decision to downsize and live within my means. While I know the move will be hard, I know the piece of mind will be worth it. You will find ways to make this place feel like home soon. Start with buying yourself a pretty spring bouquet of flowers. Spring is a time of renewal and we all need to shed our old selves from time to time. I wish you the very best.

Jaynie Martin said...

Hi jo i hope your back soon hope all is well with you - ive not been about much either but i miss reading your blogs xxx

Herrad said...

Hi Jo,
Sorry about my lack of visits.
Spike's, our dog, illness, quick death nov/dec and being so ill myself jan/feb to march meant no visits
Since then I have been spending more time sitting in my wheelchair I have also not been visiting.
Tonight I decided to visit.
I just passed by to say hello.
I hope you are doing well.
Love,
Herrad

Herrad said...

Hi Jo,
I hope you are well, I thought I left a comment yesterday.
I have not visited any blogs since Spike got ill in nov and died in jan, then I had pneumonia did not feel fully recovered in march.
Since then I spend more time in my wheelchair so only have been posting not visiting blogs.
I do think about you lots and hope you are well.
Love,
Herrad

Herrad said...

Hi Jo,
I hope you are doing well.
Please call by my blog and pick up your awards.
I hope you enjoy passing them on as I have.
Its a pleasure to visit you.
Love,
Herrad