Wednesday, September 1, 2010
HAPPY 24TH BIRTHDAY, C.
Today is my daughter's 24th birthday -- and, today I won't be seeing her.
Nor have I seen her for the last 5 or 6 birthdays of hers.
She keeps us at a distance as we've been estranged for years; she has ideas and images in her head of things that just didn't happen. She's garnered much sympathy from 'friends', and having Asperger's Syndrome, this was key in her life.
Having been picked on and brutalized in junior high and high school to the point of suicidal thoughts (she came by that honestly, I'm afraid -- see post below), she finally figured out a way to make friends by making up horrific lies about Ed and I as a veil to somehow mask her 'odd-ness' to give her and her so-called friends reasoning for it.
Asperger's is a baffling and physically unrecognizable form of Autism: there are no outer (physical) cues to give pause for thought that there may indeed be something amiss.
It's symptoms are behavioral and action based -- unfortunately she went mis-diagnosed her whole life as strictly being A.D.H.D. while I knew in my gut and heart that there was something we weren't seeing, something else there....
She no longer acknowledges Ed nor I as parents: Ed raised her from the time she was 1& 1/2 and legally adopted her once we were married -- giving her an identity, a new birth certificate (she had an absentee birth father/sperm donor), love, a home, a father.
All that love, care, time and attention has fallen to the wayside as she honestly believes these lies to the point where it's damaged her -- and us as a unit.
All I am left with is heartache and disappointment but always hope that one day she will come to a clear understanding of truth versus make believe and fairy tales.
Since she still sees my Mom, all I was able to do was pass along a card with a gift card in it for her, with the message being of love and hope of one day bridging this gap.
So, to my first born, I wish all that life has to offer in the hopes that you grab it...make use of it: be productive, truthful, kind, loving, compassionate, healthy, happy and -- take flight.
I will always be here should you ever want to take my hand....
I love you,
FOR C -- WITH LOVE: