Wednesday, September 1, 2010


Today is my daughter's 24th birthday -- and, today I won't be seeing her.

Nor have I seen her for the last 5 or 6 birthdays of hers.

She keeps us at a distance as we've been estranged for years; she has ideas and images in her head of things that just didn't happen. She's garnered much sympathy from 'friends', and having Asperger's Syndrome, this was key in her life.

Having been picked on and brutalized in junior high and high school to the point of suicidal thoughts (she came by that honestly, I'm afraid -- see post below), she finally figured out a way to make friends by making up horrific lies about Ed and I as a veil to somehow mask her 'odd-ness' to give her and her so-called friends reasoning for it.

Asperger's is a baffling and physically unrecognizable form of Autism: there are no outer (physical) cues to give pause for thought that there may indeed be something amiss.

It's symptoms are behavioral and action based -- unfortunately she went mis-diagnosed her whole life as strictly being A.D.H.D. while I knew in my gut and heart that there was something we weren't seeing, something else there....

She no longer acknowledges Ed nor I as parents: Ed raised her from the time she was 1& 1/2 and legally adopted her once we were married -- giving her an identity, a new birth certificate (she had an absentee birth father/sperm donor), love, a home, a father.

All that love, care, time and attention has fallen to the wayside as she honestly believes these lies to the point where it's damaged her -- and us as a unit.

All I am left with is heartache and disappointment but always hope that one day she will come to a clear understanding of truth versus make believe and fairy tales.

Since she still sees my Mom, all I was able to do was pass along a card with a gift card in it for her, with the message being of love and hope of one day bridging this gap.

So, to my first born, I wish all that life has to offer in the hopes that you grab it...make use of it: be productive, truthful, kind, loving, compassionate, healthy, happy and -- take flight.

I will always be here should you ever want to take my hand....

I love you,



Kathy's Klothesline said...

I am sorry. I know how hard it is to not be a part of your child's life and know there is nothing you can do to fix it.

Design It Chic said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Queenie Jeannie said...

Big, warm hugs to you Jo! As a mother myself, I would be heartbroken as well. I was estranged from my son for about two years, but time is healing that rift and I hope and pray yours will too. What a terrible situation for you all. Perhaps she will get the doctor's care she needs and things will turn around for her.

Naqvee said...

JO.. I don't have words. how to tell you..everything will be ok one day... i wish the best for your daughter as well..

i am 23 years old.. like your daughter.. can i say..

"thanks for the card and love you put in the envelope and sealed with your tears. I love you mom. i love you a lot"

your daughter

Elle said...

My dear friend, I'm so so sorry for the pain you're feeling over your daughter. Your post is beautiful and so poignant. I hope that the clarity your daughter needs to bridge this gap between you comes someday soon. *HUGS*

JDaniel4's Mom said...

I can't imagine how had this would be. What a tough situation!The fact that you still try to keep in contact says a lot about who you are as her mom. Stopping from SITS!

abitofsouthernstyle said...

Jo, thank you for stopping by my blog via the WOW site this morning. Your lovely comment was absolutely heartwarming.

I was sorry to read this post. My heart goes out to you, I can only imagine how difficult this is for you. My heart also goes out to your daughter, because one day, she will be in a position to re-evaluate the decision and will regret the time lost with you, her mom. The sad part is, these are moments you can never get back.

Hugs...I hope you will subscribe to follow Southern Style and visit again.

HunDuddle Hussy said...

ok. i WAS gonna say thank you for stopping by on my sits day but not anymore. i'd like to now CHANGE my thoughts and ask you to cut off ALLLL ur GORGEOUS hair and sent it to me to make me feel happy about lover being gone. mmm kay? great. i'll be waiting. *wink*

thank you dearie!

Jules said...

I'm sorry for your pain. I do understand for there was a time I did the same to my mother, I'll never feel good about that. :(

Returning the favor and hoping to get to know you through this world we call blog.

Since I'm trying to get over and you are at the end of this "so-called Rainbow" maybe we can compare notes.

I love your causes! But being a country girl I must have meat. I've tried to live without but I end up sick.

Here's to learning each other :)
Jules @ Trying To Get Over The Rainbow

Rachel Cotterill said...

I'm so sorry to hear this. I hope she'll get some help and come to see what she's missing out on.

Debbie said...

Oh Jo, this is so sad. I am so very sorry that your daughter is dealing with so much and has chosen to take it out on you and your husband. I pray that she will come around very soon.

Katie Gates said...

Hi Jo,

Just wanted to stop by and say an overdue thanks for stopping by on my BON day and leaving such an enthusiastic comment! I am so sorry to learn of your daughter's challenges and how they have impacted your relationship with her. You are definitely a survivor, though. Your love of life is apparent and delightful!

Best wishes to you.

Judy Harper said...

I am so sorry. My daughters birthday is today, 09/07/10. I regret you couldn't spend the day with your daughter. Over from SITS to say hello!