Friday, August 20, 2010

DON'T HATE ME BECAUSE I'M POPULAR


It would appear I am suddenly quite popular as I am receiving unlimited E-mail offers of limited time and quality.

It would seem that I am in the market for penis implants and Viagra.

I am so blessed and grateful that the Viagra distributors chose me to peddle their product on as ideally I am the perfect candidate -- being female and all.

Being also of curious nature, I've always wondered what would happen if I took a Viagra: I would assume my tongue would stick straight out.

For hours.

Lucky Ed.

Considering I have no penis, an implant is equally useless -- and Ed's is fine, in case you were wondering, thank you...so, no need for me to forward that along to him.

Oh, and then there are the 'Blow out sales' I just can't miss as well as the numerous opportunities for me to wire money to someone in great need. Usually overseas. But only if I don't tell anyone, mind you, as the headers are always marked 'PRIVATE' or 'CONFIDENTIAL'.

Although with power comes great responsibility, I'm nonetheless extremely flattered they chose me to save humanity. I'm up for the challenge.

And I'd like to humbly thank the person who bought a U.K. Lottery ticket on my behalf. I genuinely had no idea that I had so many friends who were world travelers, but thanks to their generosity in thinking of me while on holiday, I have hit the jack pot!

$7,000 U.S. dollars is now on it's way.

What shall I do with it first, I wonder?

Well, loads of Viagra to begin with, of course. Oh, the endless hours of joy, just me and my wayward tongue.

Then I think I'll buy heaps and mounds of the offer I received just this morning for....'Wingless Angels'.

Yep. I've always wanted people.

10 comments:

Steven Anthony said...

well popularity can be good my friend, just dont let it go to your, ummmmm tounge...I mean head...lol

hugs
Steven Anthony
Man Dish~ Metro Style

Meeko Fabulous said...

I freakin' hate spam! LoL

Rachel Cotterill said...

I'm sure your penis implant will be... spectacular.... (an infinite growth!)

I hate spam :(

Kathy's Klothesline said...

I have actually seen Viagra prescibed for women. Supposed to enhance their libido, although, like you I am wondering where the blood flow may end up, and heaven forbid you accidentally bite your tongue. If it lasts longer than four hours ......... I wonder how they find the e-mail addresses??

Word verification is "exuals" !!!! Must be spoken by a woman on viagra, unable to pronounce the "s"!

Libby said...

HAHA!
I heard that about viagra too...increased sex drive.
But I heard it on Sex and the City. So who knows.
Stopping by from SITS

Ms Bibi said...

Lmao, I never though about it that way. Thanks for opening my eyes to my new found popularity.

Missed you, thanks for stopping by.

Melissa aka Equidae said...

passed by from SITS...yeah the viagra ads on my email are impressive and all the other bull I get....its a shame that normally I just skim through it all and simply press delete LOL

alessandra said...

Hahaha, great!
Fortunately there is the email's spam section.
And about the UK lottery ticket, I have to admit, for a second, just a second, I believed it :(

Domestic and Damned said...

I think we ended up on the same "friends and lotto" lists LOL
That's brilliant. It does get tiring trying to sort all the viagra mail from the real stuff.

Thanks for having stopped on my BON today

WhisperingWriter said...

I get those penis e-mails a lot. I always want to say, "I'm a girl. Stop it."

And I hate when I get spam that says, "You've won a $500 gift card from Target." That's just mean.