Tuesday, May 18, 2010
ONE STEP AT A TIME
It would seem I'm in need of recovery -- of which one method is following steps. One of those steps is making amends and being accountable.
I'm not an alcoholic or a drug addict, nor do I gamble. However, what I am guilty of lately is neglect, for which I need to atone.
I have taken some much needed time away from blogging (and visiting others -- again, my heartfelt apologies to my loyal and lovely blog friends) to breathe, organize and to feel better about my day to day existence.
I've done a little redecorating and revamping my home: I figure since I spend so much time here I need to make my home a place I enjoy being at and a place where Ed wants to come home to every night after being away for 15 hours a day, six days a week.
I repainted a wood panel on my garage door that was replaced due to termites and left unpainted by the landlady. I removed things from my living room to let in more light. I planted some flowers out front. I cleaned the mess that was on my bedroom floor (*see also Jo dumping worn only once clothes instead of hanging them back up or placing them back in drawers) and I bought a foam mattress pad and new pillows so Ed can sleep better (he's been tossing and turning on our old, worn out mattress and waking up feeling more tired than when he went to bed). I've been making my bed every day now ("It sets the tone for the day") and making sure the house is always picked up and clean. Something I, sadly admit, wasn't to keen on before.
The boys also recently cleaned up the garage (where we added an acquired free pool table and a dart board) and cleaned up the backyard, too, where we now have horseshoe pits, courtesy of my 'oldest son', J.
All this makes for a nicer environment as this is indeed the proverbial 'waterhole', where people gather. Mostly this is where we landed and for however long we inhabit it, I needed to make it more livable and enjoyable to be in.
So, this has taken up much time, plus I'd been getting things ready for B's 20th b. day party which was this past Saturday in which things never seem to go as planned. I found myself once again too overwhelmed to cope and no matter how organized I think I am, I never feel like I spend enough time with this person or that. Food is never heated up in the timely manner I assumed it would be, etc.
Then...something strange happens and everyone tells me they really had a nice time and enjoyed themselves. B, especially, was very happy with the turnout and events. How did that happen? It's simply beyond me.
In my haze of exhaustion and mania, somehow joy slipped in.
Next up is MS Camp this Thursday the 20th through Sunday the 23rd (courtesy of our local National Multiple Sclerosis Society) in the mountains of Crestline, CA. This will be my third consecutive year there hired by the NMSS and is something I always look forward to. There's always that one person to whom you feel a difference was made and I come away feeling enlightened and inspired by these brave people who live with this affliction. My cabin I feel particularly blessed to be in with my spirited gals with whom there is never a dull moment.
Last night, however, I was feeling not so into it as I have in previous years, with my not wanting to leave my exhausted -- and not feeling so well -- husband behind. I began to cry saying that I didn't want to go this year, in which he quickly reminded me how much I always enjoy myself there and that it will no doubt be the same again this year. And he's right. I just have a big case of 'cry-baby-itis' lately. "Hello Mudda, Hello Fadda" anyone? From the 1993 camp reunion film, 'Indian Summer' (GREAT movie!):
So the remainder of my time these next few days will be getting things in order here before I leave.
But before I do, let me say in particular to W.O.W., SITS (and the featured bloggers of late that I've neglected to come and say hello to), Steven Anthony, Meeko (missed you on Saturday), Elle, Herrad, Allen, Ms. Bibi, Navqee and Andrea that I'm so sorry I've been so neglectful of late -- please know that you're all on my mind and upon my return I vow to get back to visiting you all more regularly.
To all of you who have become new followers and who were kind enough to visit me on my W.O.W. day last Wednesday -- I so appreciated all your kind comments; they truly lifted me up and helped me get through the next few days events. I'll be happy to come and visit you all soon and look forward to that.
All my friendship, peace and serenity,