Monday, March 1, 2010
YEAH, YEAH....PUT IT IN CHALK
On Friday my therapist suggested a few things for me to do. With the anxiety/depression diagnosis (let's see a show of hands from everyone who saw that coming), he highly recommended the following:
1) Get on some anti-anxiety/depression meds via my primary health care physician
2) Do something nice for myself this week
I had a difficult time with both suggestions. The first one means going to a doctor (which costs money) and get at least one, if not two, prescriptions, which costs even more money.
We have really bad insurance.
I'm just sayin'.
My solution to number ones suggestion is to try and do this organically.
So, my mission for this week, should I choose to accept it, (channeling Ethan Hunt -- okay, I'll take Tom Cruise if only to smack him around for a few minutes) is to do my research. Find out what's out there over the counter herb wise.
I'm all for the use of that ever popular and controversial herb, 'Mary Jane'; yes, I'm that liberal and think it should be legal -- we can get into a tit for tat on that another time, though. However, it just doesn't agree with me. I'm one of those who gets paranoid and can't relax on it so I don't enjoy it's use. It's one of the big misconceptions floating around out there about me: "Well, you're a vegan and a hippie at heart (I mean, look at the way you dress), we just assumed...."
Sorry to burst your hallucinogenic bubble.
With the use of ganja out of the question in my case, going homeopathic seems the logical solution for me, money and health wise (non addictive, not bad for my organs, etc.). Suggestions, as always, welcome from my smart and capable fellow bloggers.
The second suggestion of doing something nice for myself was a little tougher because it entailed just wayyy too much thinking.
So, on Sunday -- two days after my appointment -- I came to a solution of "feeding two birds with one seed" (as I mentioned above, I'm a vegan so obviously 'killing two birds with one stone' doesn't work for me).
I sat down and figured out how to get what I really want: boundaries. Again, the boundaries I set up in December after Ed got sick just kind of fell to the wayside and I've been feeling a bit smothered and resentful.
Last year, B's best female friend, 'A', and her boyfriend just for the heck of it, bought me a chalkboard that had shamrocks on it and says; "Welcome. Relax and Enjoy". I've had more fun with this chalkboard and several times a week I write a saying or a famous quote on it. Ed, B and 'our other kids' always seem to get a kick out of what will be on there next.
The most popular one came from the poem, 'Desiderata' (Latin for 'desired things') by Max Ehrmann: "You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should."
So, yesterday, this is what I wrote on it in the form of doing something nice for myself:
"New house rules, for your sanity and mine:
~ No one here Sun.-Wed. @ dinnertime except me, Ed and B
~ Weekdays: no one here until 11:30 or noon
~ Thurs.-Sat. dinner is fine
~ Anytime on weeknights @ 8:00 is fine
~ Saturdays are free game
~ Sundays are fine until afternoon and dinner. 7:30 or 8:00 p.m. is fine.
I love you all -- thank you. 'Mom'"
Colloquial, to the point.
I explained to them verbally before they read the 'new rules' that I needed to do something nice for myself this week, via an order, and that the best thing I could do was to set up boundaries and that it's nothing personal, I just need to manage my time better and get organized in thought, home and family -- I simply need to prioritize. I explained that I still want to make Sunday breakfast for everyone and that dinner on the weekends I don't have a problem with.
So, to lighten things up, B read it out loud to the two 'main offenders' (well, one more than the other), for lack of a better term, and injected his own humor into it which really helped take the pressure off of me feeling bad and not wanting to hurt any one's feelings.
He kept noting my use of the word 'fine' and jokingly referred to it's meaning as 'fine dining' suggesting they all go out and buy tuxedos: "This is going to be expensive guys". My 'oldest son' says: "Yep. I see a trip to the 'Men's Warehouse' in our near future -- can I just wear a tuxedo T-shirt????."
Buttholes. The whole lot of 'em.
I'll tell you, though, that chalkboard was one of the best things I think any one's ever gotten me.
Chalk one up for peace.