Monday, March 29, 2010
A BARBIE WORLD
Hi, all. Hope this finds everyone relaxed and ready for another week and hoping a good weekend was had by all.
This last Friday marked the ten year anniversary of my nephews accidental death. He was 20.
His name was Junior and he was my sisters son.
My sister and I haven't always been close, we've had an on again-off again feud that keeps us at a distance even though we only live about 45 minutes apart.
With me being a 'yours, mine and ours' baby, I didn't have a consistent upbringing with my siblings (three brothers and a sister from my Moms first two marriages and three sisters and a brother from my Dads first marriage).
My Dads kids would come occasionally on the weekends and I looked forward to having playmates. 'Barbie' was our common ground then, at one point Juniors Mom cutting off one of my Barbies hair assuring me it would indeed 'grow back'.
I always envied my siblings' closeness and the bond they shared having grown up together. Even though I am not an 'only child' per se, it sure seemed that way at times.
My Moms two oldest were out of the house by the time I reached school age and the two youngest boys of her first brood were in junior high and high school before I could ever get a handle on what family dynamics were all about.
I remember coming home from Kindergarten and when I was supposed to be napping, I instead had my nose pressed against my bedroom window waiting for my brothers to come home so I could pester them.
I suppose I just wanted a little piece of what they all had.
I also recall when my Dad would go pick up his kids on the weekends and I would tag along in my excitement as we drove to Orange County and would pass Mattel on the way -- I suppose one could call it symmetry that Barbie was our common bond.
Juniors Mom was someone I would only see occasionally as I got older, only now and then getting together with our growing family, but never staying in consistent touch.
In March of 2000, I received a call from my other sister saying that Junior had accidentally shot and killed himself.
His death was ruled accidental with no malice or forethought from him or anyone. It was merely a stupid accident that should have never happened and it changed his moms (my sister's) life forever.
They lived in a bit of a rough neighborhood. Junior lived with my sister and her husband and his girlfriend had recently moved in with them. My sister also had two daughters who had children, and so, Junior being protective (and having had some trouble with neighbors) bought a gun, unbeknownst to his Mom.
He was handling it one night in his bedroom when it accidentally went off, killing him instantly.
I won't go into further detail as it's simply not necessary.
The last words my sister said to her son before hearing a gun go off and his girlfriends screams, was; "Junior, there's chicken if you and [his girlfriend] are hungry".
My son, B, will be twenty this year -- Junior's age when he died.
After I received the horrible news, in spite of our absence from each others lives, Ed and I drove to their house so I could be there for his Mom, my sister.
I stayed for three days, helping to make arrangements, picking out the casket and just being there for whatever may be needed.
This tragedy brought us closer together.
We got through the funeral and remained close for a time.
The following January my three sisters and I went to Colorado to visit our father and I came home early alone due to one conflict after another.
After that my visit with Juniors Mom was sporadic until finally there were no visits or communication at all.
It's been about 7 or 8 years now and with Juniors ten year anniversary death being here, I thought it a good time to reach out to his Mom.
I called and left her two messages, one on her cell and one on her home phone only to hear nothing back.
I thought petty grudges aside, it's time to end this. I guess she feels differently.
I'm still holding out hope but the rejection is a difficult thing to embrace. It took a lot for me to reach out and call after all this time but felt the occasion was appropriate and warranted it.
Wish I still had my Barbie's so I can at least pretend that all is as it never really was but should be.
October 12th 1979 - March 26th, 2000