Monday, March 29, 2010


Hi, all. Hope this finds everyone relaxed and ready for another week and hoping a good weekend was had by all.

This last Friday marked the ten year anniversary of my nephews accidental death. He was 20.

His name was Junior and he was my sisters son.

My sister and I haven't always been close, we've had an on again-off again feud that keeps us at a distance even though we only live about 45 minutes apart.

With me being a 'yours, mine and ours' baby, I didn't have a consistent upbringing with my siblings (three brothers and a sister from my Moms first two marriages and three sisters and a brother from my Dads first marriage).

My Dads kids would come occasionally on the weekends and I looked forward to having playmates. 'Barbie' was our common ground then, at one point Juniors Mom cutting off one of my Barbies hair assuring me it would indeed 'grow back'.

I always envied my siblings' closeness and the bond they shared having grown up together. Even though I am not an 'only child' per se, it sure seemed that way at times.

My Moms two oldest were out of the house by the time I reached school age and the two youngest boys of her first brood were in junior high and high school before I could ever get a handle on what family dynamics were all about.

I remember coming home from Kindergarten and when I was supposed to be napping, I instead had my nose pressed against my bedroom window waiting for my brothers to come home so I could pester them.

I suppose I just wanted a little piece of what they all had.

I also recall when my Dad would go pick up his kids on the weekends and I would tag along in my excitement as we drove to Orange County and would pass Mattel on the way -- I suppose one could call it symmetry that Barbie was our common bond.

Juniors Mom was someone I would only see occasionally as I got older, only now and then getting together with our growing family, but never staying in consistent touch.

In March of 2000, I received a call from my other sister saying that Junior had accidentally shot and killed himself.

His death was ruled accidental with no malice or forethought from him or anyone. It was merely a stupid accident that should have never happened and it changed his moms (my sister's) life forever.

They lived in a bit of a rough neighborhood. Junior lived with my sister and her husband and his girlfriend had recently moved in with them. My sister also had two daughters who had children, and so, Junior being protective (and having had some trouble with neighbors) bought a gun, unbeknownst to his Mom.

He was handling it one night in his bedroom when it accidentally went off, killing him instantly.

I won't go into further detail as it's simply not necessary.

The last words my sister said to her son before hearing a gun go off and his girlfriends screams, was; "Junior, there's chicken if you and [his girlfriend] are hungry".

My son, B, will be twenty this year -- Junior's age when he died.

After I received the horrible news, in spite of our absence from each others lives, Ed and I drove to their house so I could be there for his Mom, my sister.

I stayed for three days, helping to make arrangements, picking out the casket and just being there for whatever may be needed.

This tragedy brought us closer together.

We got through the funeral and remained close for a time.

The following January my three sisters and I went to Colorado to visit our father and I came home early alone due to one conflict after another.

After that my visit with Juniors Mom was sporadic until finally there were no visits or communication at all.

It's been about 7 or 8 years now and with Juniors ten year anniversary death being here, I thought it a good time to reach out to his Mom.

I called and left her two messages, one on her cell and one on her home phone only to hear nothing back.

I thought petty grudges aside, it's time to end this. I guess she feels differently.

I'm still holding out hope but the rejection is a difficult thing to embrace. It took a lot for me to reach out and call after all this time but felt the occasion was appropriate and warranted it.

Wish I still had my Barbie's so I can at least pretend that all is as it never really was but should be.

R.I.P Junior
October 12th 1979 - March 26th, 2000


Meeko Fabulous said...

Aw. :( Death anniversaries are always tough.

Steven Anthony said...

I'm having trouble with my oldest half sister right drama is so draining, ours is over the death of our mum...death should bring us closer, but it seems to have torn us apart...Im sorry someone as wonderful as you my friend has to go through thr grief of family hurt.. big hugs to you my wonderful, big hearted friend;)

Im having the same problem with blogger today;(

redwray said...

My brother and I have not had much to do with each other for years, since my Mother's death. She was the only thing we had in common. I don't feel much animosity although he picked on me my entire life. I just don't feel like much of anything. We exchange Christmas cards. He lives a few hundred miles away.
I hope you can work out your feelings about your sister. Don't let her have any control over you by ignoring you.

Take care, Jo,

BONNIE K said...

I hope your sister gets back to you. You were there in her time of need.

I am Harriet said...

What a wonderful post!

Stopping by via SITS to say hello.
Have a great day!

Elle said...

Awwww, hon, I'm so sorry for your loss. I agree with Meeko; death anniversaries are just so hard. I hope your sister is willing and able to accept the hand you've reached out. Family drama is tough stuff--I know it all too well! It's frustrating and sad when our own family members can't see past their grudges to what really matters: having a relationship with family.

I hope the situation works out the way you'd like it to.

VKT said...

Dear Jo,

The problem is hers, not yours. If she wants to continue to hold a grudge, she is missing out on having a relationship with a funny, sweet, younger sister. Life is too short. How sad that she is missing out on enriching her life by including you in it. Blessings dear lady

Have Myelin? said...

I am sorry for your loss- both the loss of your nephew and the relationship of your sister. I can say I understand. Yes I can.

After my daughter died for reasons I won't go into here my brother emailed me and disowned me. His behavior makes no sense to me or my son. We are utterly hurt and feel we have been thrown away.

So there is just my son and I plus my boyfriend. Very small family now. Everyone else died. And yes it is very sad your sister is missing out. I don't know if she finds things too painful and wants to shut out certain parts of her past life to "handle things".

Denial makes things bearable for her. Losing a child is impossible to deal with most times and maybe this is how she deals with ya'lls situation. I know some things I do cannot be explained to anyone except to maybe say, my behavior makes sense to ME...I am coping with the unbearable loss of my daughter and I will never, ever recover from. It is impossible. You move on but you don't recover.

Hope that helps.

Ms Bibi said...

It must be hard to lose a child especially that way.

I hope your sister will accept the Olive branch and will realize that life is too've done all you can do and now it's her turn to realize it.

Shayna said...

They say that tragedy can bind us together or tear us apart... I've experienced both ends of it - I hope that you and your sister are able to mend your relationship --- The only thing that is constant in life is that it movesforward, so hopefully wit time she will be able to do so as well.

Persistence (or as my sister calls it, being a nudge), is a virtue in trying to get her to do so ;-)