Friday, February 26, 2010


Just got back. One session and I already need a nap and he a drink.

We spoke mostly of what initially brought me here and I had to go through the whole rigmarole of last year with the old attorney and the bankruptcy qualifications, the garnishment, the damned near poverty we found ourselves in and the toll it took that I just can't seem to rid myself of.

He asked me a few questions trying to decipher from my incessant rambling (a nervous habit) if I'm fearful of life in general and what that means in terms of diagnosis:

Are you afraid to leave your house?


Are you having trouble finding joy in things you did before?


Do you sleep well?


Have any medical conditions?

I have a rare neurological disorder called 'Glossopharyngeal Neuralgia'.

*This is something I'll share with you all another time. In the meantime, feel free to copy and paste it in Google search, if you're so inclined, and ask me any questions you like. Right now it's dormant (very similar to the relapse and remit form of MS).


What do you mean am I irritable???? Just what are you insinuating? How would you like me to take that clipboard and bomp you over your head????

Um, okay, yeah.

I jest. He was actually very nice and after a few more questions and musings about my life (again, to the person who was hateful to me on here a few days ago, you only know what I choose to share!), he actually made me feel better by saying; "It's amazing you've held up this well" and found me able to state my issues articulately. What I referred to as my 'incessant rambling', he called normal, especially under the circumstances.

He basically said 'it's no wonder' and shook his head in what I saw as sincere sympathy.

Crazy? Not as of yet anyway.

Anxious however? You bet.

It would seem I have 'General Anxiety Disorder (G.A.D.)', mixed with depression, a diagnosis that did not surprise me and will not go away overnight, but he assured me I will start to feel better in time with continued therapy and meds.

I'm generalizing his statements in broad terms, of course, but suffice it to say that he was very empathetic. Nice to have someone validate your feelings who has no biased connections to you -- only a strangers objectivity.

'Wikipedia' describes G.A.D. as "an anxiety disorder that is characterized by excessive, uncontrollable and often irrational worry about everyday things that is disproportionate to the actual source of worry. This excessive worry often interferes with daily functioning, as individuals suffering GAD typically anticipate disaster, and are overly concerned about everyday matters such as health issues, money, death, family problems, friend problems, relationship problems or work difficulties.They often exhibit a variety of physical symptoms, including fatigue, fidgeting, headaches, nausea, numbness in hands and feet, muscle tension, muscle aches, difficulty swallowing, bouts of difficulty breathing, trembling, twitching, irritability, sweating, insomnia, hot flashes, and rashes. These symptoms must be consistent and on-going, persisting at least 6 months, for a formal diagnosis of GAD to be introduced. Approximately 6.8 million American adults experience GAD."

So, what I want to know is who the hell from Wiki has been peeking through my windows?????

I have another appointment with him next Friday and after that I have one more free session.

From there the money is out of pocket unless I can find someone more affordable.

However, let me state that I really like this therapist (plus, the thought of stating everything all over again with another therapist is exhausting) and was very comfortable. Ed is concerned, as am I (GREATLY), about the money but I have his support if we can budget it. Our insurance will pay 80% of my visits only after $3,000 is spent out of pocket.

Gotta love our health care system.

Back later on my '90 Days' blog.

Happy Friday, all.


Anonymous said...

IM AM WELL PROUD OF made the first step, you go for the drink may I suggest you visit my blog man dish I have a really yummy tgif drink posted;)

much love my friend

Kat said...

Good for you! Glad you're getting help and after what you've been through, it any wonder? Think about it! Been there! I'm glad you found a great therapist.

Anonymous said...

Great start, Jo.
I hope you can pull it off somehow after the freebies. It seems like it will help you.
But for now, you have some validation and I hope that makes you feel better.
Keep smiling, we'll wonder what you're up to.

Andrea said...

Okay...first of all: I told you it would not be so bad!!
Secondly: Ask the dr...sometimes they can word things in such a way that the ins. company will pay for more visits. It is worth asking. I very much "dislike" insurance companies...aren't you proud of me for not using the word HATE!
Hugs, andrea

Meeko Fabulous said...

I'm glad you're feeling somewhat better. You know what my dear? Sometimes it's more important to take care of yourself than to look at the money involved. I know that it's a lot of money, but you gotta think about you for a change. You've spent so much time worrying about others. It's time we focus on you. You're worth it! Love you. X's and O's. :)

Brea said...

Hi Jo,

I'm visiting from Gregory J's and I wanted to thank you for your take on my Anonymous commenter.

I see by your post that you have had the same thing happen to you. I don't know where these people come from buy I think they need to go back into their holes where they came from...

I'm glad to see you have found yourself a therapist, and are on the road to feeling better. I suffer from Bi-Polar, so I kinda know where you are coming from.

Good luck!

P.S. You may like this post...

Anonymous said...

I am in the midst of bankruptcy myself. I started to file months and months ago. All the "STUFF" you have to come up with and find or print out. Overwhelming. Now the lawyer is paid of, I gotta do something. It will be such a freedom to put it behind me.

I hope you can continue therapy sounds like a real plus.

Happy SITS Saturday sharefest!

Kathy's Klothesline said...

I had a breakdown in the 80's when there was still a social stigma involved ...... Now I am quick to recognize the signs and symptoms and take better care of my mental health. My daughter just suffered a breakdown and is on her way to recovery. Like you said, though, it is not cheap! I am thankful that she was able to afford it without hardship. She can't buy a new TV, but she can pay her bills, so I think she is very fortunate! Stay strong and I am thinking of you!

Jodi Widhalm said...

I love therapists - the good ones, anyway! ; ) Hope you are feeling better. Happy SITS Day!

Danie B. said...

Rough, girl. That puts it all in perspective.

Here from SITS :)

Karen & Gerard Zemek said...

It's terrible how much one has to pay to stay healthy--$3,000 is quite a chunk of change. My one prescription that I have to take for 5 years costs over $400 a month! Fortunately, at least once I hit my high deductible, the insurance will cover the whole thing--should be happening around July sometime the way I figure.

Julie said...

Stopping by from SITS. I enjoy reading your blog and your honesty. I suffered from anxiety and depression a few years ago and going to therapy was the best thing I did! Good luck to you!

Joy said...

It's so important to take care of ones' self. So often we put ourselves on the back burner.

Congrats on your SITS day!

Annie @ astonesthrowfrominsanity said...

Glad you found someone that you clicked with. :)

Donnetta said...

I think the anxiety is worse than the depression. Especially when you have all of the worries piled on you that you did.

Hopefully, the financial aspect will work out, and you can continue seeing someone you are comfortable with. It makes a WORLD of difference!

Happy SITS day!

Scraps said...

That's great that you found a therapist that you are comfortable with! Hopefully it'll work out where you can keep seeing him and look forward to progress. It's a tough road, but having someone comfortable on your side helps a lot.

Sandy said...

Good for you! Taking that step to go visit a therapist says a lot!

Marie said...

Do you feel any relief from your bankruptcy being over? I would think all your health issues would be lifted once that was done....Maybe I am naive. I hope you do start feeling better soon.

Anita said...

It's a difficult first step to take. Hang in there.

Young Wife said...

Good therapists are such a blessing! Hope you're able to continue seeing him. Our health insurance doesn't cover mental healthcare at all, which doesn't seem right to me.

Two Normal Moms said...

I think I need to find a good therapist. That definition of GAD was a little too close to home.
But it sounds like a fantastic thing you did, going in.
And yeah, the healthcare system? I've got the same problem - 70% coverage AFTER meeting high deductible AFTER paying my OWN premiums every darn month! Once I pay the premiums, I can't really afford to use the insurance!
Stopping by from SITS

Kim said...

I hope the therapist continues to help you and give you insights.

Sarah said...

Hopefully this writing/venting is helping?

Sarah Baron,

Miz Dinah said...

Ouch! Expensive. Blog therapy is free, y'know. ;)

simplysandi said...

Stopping by from SITS. Your honesty is refreshing.

CoconutPalmDesigns said...

Happy SITS Day!

I hope you are able to keep seeing this therapist and that he helps you sort things through.

Cheers :-)
- CoconutPalmDesigns

Elle said...

It takes strength to admit that you might need help and to seek it out. Kuddos to you for doing that. YAY for taking care of you!

I've passed a blog award on to you! Details are on my blog.

Joann Mannix said...

General anxiety disorder is a terrible, terrible thing. I had my own temporary panic attacks from this vile disorder. You feel like there is no light and it brought, at least to me, a hopeless despair. You are so courageous, to write about your struggles. Good luck and peace, forever.