Wednesday, February 24, 2010
SO, DOCTOR -- JUST HOW CRAZY AM I?
I made my first appointment with a therapist yesterday -- I see him on Friday at 11:00.
Through a wellness plan at Ed's work, we get three free sessions -- based on this therapists fee guidelines, that's nearly a $300.00 savings.
After the three sessions, I have NO idea how this works. I know the insurance company will only pay for a percentage and, so, from that point on I don't know how frequently I'll be able to attend or what I can afford to pay.
Even I know that my -- shall we say 'issues'? -- can't be resolved in just three sessions, so, I'm hoping for the best.
We don't have great insurance -- does anyone anymore? One of the things that was taken from us (and other employees there who, like Ed, has been there for over 20 years) was affordable health care when Ed's company was bought out a few years ago.
This is a common tale that many Americans can sadly relate to. Many out there don't even have health care.
We used to have Kaiser and paid just $10.00 for office visits and $5.00 for prescriptions. Those days are long gone. B had to have surgery when he was 16 (almost four years ago) and we paid zero dollars for that.
So, between rent (which is high for a two bedroom house), B's college fees and books, Ed's gas for his long daily commute, food, utilities, car insurance, etc. there won't be much left for therapy, I'm afraid.
I know some therapists work on a sliding scale, but they are hard to come by.
Anyhoo -- we'll have to see how it goes and I will keep you posted on my progress.
Adding to my already high anxiety, is that Ed and I find ourselves in a bit of a conundrum. Since I refuse to privatize my blog and knowing that other people in my life read this, I have to be careful how I state things. Sad as that is. I'm pretty 'brassy' as a rule (Steven Anthony's pet name for me, which I love! Just kind of fits with my red hair and 'tubular tude' :D), however, I also don't care to hurt any one's feelings -- nor do I care to continue to be treated disrespectfully in my own home.
One person comes in and never acknowledges or even says hello to me. She comes with someone we love very much -- and we love her, as well. However, lately, Ed, B and I have noticed that she doesn't really seem to want to be here. She complains about wanting to go home, heads straight to the computer instead of sitting and talking with me and the thing that we've noticed most is when I do fix breakfast on Sundays for all of us (kind of a tradition, if you will), I receive no 'thank you' from her. This has been going on for a while now and we've all three noticed it.
There's an ungracious and entitled air about her lately that we're all picking up on and how to handle it is where we're stuck. We love them and don't want this to become a point of contention.
Her husband is the one I refer to as 'my oldest son' (they're both in their 20's) and he's been a part of our lives for many years. While he sometimes drives me nutty, I'll tell you, he will do anything for you. He's our built in 'fixer-upper' whether it be car or home maintenance and we're always so grateful and appreciative of his time and efforts. He'll go out of his way for us -- and us for him.
What her deal is all of a sudden is beyond me and again, it's something we're all aware of and makes us uncomfortable.
I shouldn't have to be uncomfortable in my own home and so how to handle this particular issue is something we're all perplexed about. We don't want to lose 'our oldest son' but we're getting to the point where something needs to be said.
She's certainly entitled to not want to come over and to act on that. She's more than welcome to stay home until she can come in and act graciously. You don't have to kiss my feet or my ass nor sprinkle rose petals where I walk (on second thought....) but I think I deserve at least a 'hello' and a 'thank you'.
This is a pickle. Damn those pickles all to hell! Always getting juice in my eye, making my bread soggy. No good can come from a pickle.
One of the things I said I needed to do in my post last Friday was to set boundaries and make them clear, and do so when I'm not upset.
Being clear headed brings about better results for all concerned. I'm not so crazy that even I don't know that. My mother always said: "You can catch more flies with honey than vinegar."
People still being here at dinnertime makes me feel obligated to feed them and we're still on a budget.
The weekends are my time to cook for our 'extended family'. I don't mind -- I actually enjoy that -- and I plan and budget for it. However, Sunday night through Wednesday night, I want dinner with just Ed, B and I.
Thursday, Fridays, Saturdays and breakfast on Sundays is when I cook for extended family (B and his friend have no school on Friday's and, so, Thursday is their 'Friday night', plus we have 'Survivor' -- an all out event in our home).
However, a certain person -- whom I love madly and is near impossible to be mad at -- was still here Sunday at dinner, and so they ended up eating with us. It was the same last night: B was doing yard work and his good friend (again, whom we absolutely love, he is indeed part of our clan) came by and helped him.
Well, I made 'Hamburger Helper'. One box. B and Ed are both big guys and one box is perfect for the two of them, there really is no extra. However, with someone here at dinnertime, I had to then give Ed and B less -- and the cooked carrots and salad I made to go with it was, again, just enough and my portion of the salad and carrots (which is the only thing I could eat of that meal) went for our unexpected dinner guest: I had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
This person is so grateful and appreciative (and is always so helpful with anything that needs to get done here, especially before we have a gathering) that it's hard to get upset. However, I just wish they would recognize and respect what I stated back a few months ago when Ed got so sick from the Swine-Flu: I set up boundaries then but as soon as Ed started feeling better, those boundaries once again became blurred.
This is one of the things I will be addressing in my therapy -- how to be assertive and not timid nor bitchy: there's no middle ground with me as of now.
Free suggestions welcome.