Wednesday, February 24, 2010

SO, DOCTOR -- JUST HOW CRAZY AM I?



I made my first appointment with a therapist yesterday -- I see him on Friday at 11:00.

Through a wellness plan at Ed's work, we get three free sessions -- based on this therapists fee guidelines, that's nearly a $300.00 savings.

After the three sessions, I have NO idea how this works. I know the insurance company will only pay for a percentage and, so, from that point on I don't know how frequently I'll be able to attend or what I can afford to pay.

Even I know that my -- shall we say 'issues'? -- can't be resolved in just three sessions, so, I'm hoping for the best.

We don't have great insurance -- does anyone anymore? One of the things that was taken from us (and other employees there who, like Ed, has been there for over 20 years) was affordable health care when Ed's company was bought out a few years ago.

This is a common tale that many Americans can sadly relate to. Many out there don't even have health care.

We used to have Kaiser and paid just $10.00 for office visits and $5.00 for prescriptions. Those days are long gone. B had to have surgery when he was 16 (almost four years ago) and we paid zero dollars for that.

So, between rent (which is high for a two bedroom house), B's college fees and books, Ed's gas for his long daily commute, food, utilities, car insurance, etc. there won't be much left for therapy, I'm afraid.

I know some therapists work on a sliding scale, but they are hard to come by.

Anyhoo -- we'll have to see how it goes and I will keep you posted on my progress.

Adding to my already high anxiety, is that Ed and I find ourselves in a bit of a conundrum. Since I refuse to privatize my blog and knowing that other people in my life read this, I have to be careful how I state things. Sad as that is. I'm pretty 'brassy' as a rule (Steven Anthony's pet name for me, which I love! Just kind of fits with my red hair and 'tubular tude' :D), however, I also don't care to hurt any one's feelings -- nor do I care to continue to be treated disrespectfully in my own home.

One person comes in and never acknowledges or even says hello to me. She comes with someone we love very much -- and we love her, as well. However, lately, Ed, B and I have noticed that she doesn't really seem to want to be here. She complains about wanting to go home, heads straight to the computer instead of sitting and talking with me and the thing that we've noticed most is when I do fix breakfast on Sundays for all of us (kind of a tradition, if you will), I receive no 'thank you' from her. This has been going on for a while now and we've all three noticed it.

There's an ungracious and entitled air about her lately that we're all picking up on and how to handle it is where we're stuck. We love them and don't want this to become a point of contention.

Her husband is the one I refer to as 'my oldest son' (they're both in their 20's) and he's been a part of our lives for many years. While he sometimes drives me nutty, I'll tell you, he will do anything for you. He's our built in 'fixer-upper' whether it be car or home maintenance and we're always so grateful and appreciative of his time and efforts. He'll go out of his way for us -- and us for him.

What her deal is all of a sudden is beyond me and again, it's something we're all aware of and makes us uncomfortable.

I shouldn't have to be uncomfortable in my own home and so how to handle this particular issue is something we're all perplexed about. We don't want to lose 'our oldest son' but we're getting to the point where something needs to be said.

She's certainly entitled to not want to come over and to act on that. She's more than welcome to stay home until she can come in and act graciously. You don't have to kiss my feet or my ass nor sprinkle rose petals where I walk (on second thought....) but I think I deserve at least a 'hello' and a 'thank you'.

This is a pickle. Damn those pickles all to hell! Always getting juice in my eye, making my bread soggy. No good can come from a pickle.












One of the things I said I needed to do in my post last Friday was to set boundaries and make them clear, and do so when I'm not upset.

Being clear headed brings about better results for all concerned. I'm not so crazy that even I don't know that. My mother always said: "You can catch more flies with honey than vinegar."

People still being here at dinnertime makes me feel obligated to feed them and we're still on a budget.

The weekends are my time to cook for our 'extended family'. I don't mind -- I actually enjoy that -- and I plan and budget for it. However, Sunday night through Wednesday night, I want dinner with just Ed, B and I.

Thursday, Fridays, Saturdays and breakfast on Sundays is when I cook for extended family (B and his friend have no school on Friday's and, so, Thursday is their 'Friday night', plus we have 'Survivor' -- an all out event in our home).

However, a certain person -- whom I love madly and is near impossible to be mad at -- was still here Sunday at dinner, and so they ended up eating with us. It was the same last night: B was doing yard work and his good friend (again, whom we absolutely love, he is indeed part of our clan) came by and helped him.

Well, I made 'Hamburger Helper'. One box. B and Ed are both big guys and one box is perfect for the two of them, there really is no extra. However, with someone here at dinnertime, I had to then give Ed and B less -- and the cooked carrots and salad I made to go with it was, again, just enough and my portion of the salad and carrots (which is the only thing I could eat of that meal) went for our unexpected dinner guest: I had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

This person is so grateful and appreciative (and is always so helpful with anything that needs to get done here, especially before we have a gathering) that it's hard to get upset. However, I just wish they would recognize and respect what I stated back a few months ago when Ed got so sick from the Swine-Flu: I set up boundaries then but as soon as Ed started feeling better, those boundaries once again became blurred.

This is one of the things I will be addressing in my therapy -- how to be assertive and not timid nor bitchy: there's no middle ground with me as of now.

Analyze this.

Free suggestions welcome.

14 comments:

Steven Anthony said...

Jo,

my friend, I know around here there are places that will take you for therapy with low paymentts some as low as 5 bucks...I bet with a little reseaarch you have something like that around you as well, also I have found support groups a nice, safe place to go when I need to talk...

the rude person...well I just want to smack anyone who is rude to you, how dare they....can they not see how awesome you are or how lucky they are to have you in there life?

Love ya lady always;)

Meeko Fabulous said...

Make sure you tell your therapist everything! Get it all off your chest! Now then, as far as the oldest son's GF . . . Maybe one of you should bring it up to him softly. Something along the lines of, "Is she ok? She just seems slightly off lately. Has she been feeling sick?" Re: the visitors matter . . . Sometimes you just have to say 'no'. I know that's easier sad than done . . . but for your own peace of mind and sanity . . . You just gotta. I tend to not cook when we have company for that very reason. :)

GregoryJ said...

Here are some random thoughts.
Wow, Jo
When you have 'em, you have doozies.

The woman that ignores you: Is there anyway you can find out why?
Maybe break the ice somehow or just come out and ask her? Maybe if she'll talk, things can be worked out.
Something that is going to be hard for you. You are going to have to be selfish. Think of yourself first. If you let situations screw you up, you aren't doing any one any good. I learned that in AA. My sobriety comes first, period. Your well being comes first.
Speak up. Tell these folks you simply can't afford to feed them. Hopefully, they will understand. It's hard if you have to risk their friendship, but if it gets you down to a certain point, that may happen anyway and everyone loses.
Do you share these concerns with Ed and B? They should be involved. Don't carry it all yourself.

Good luck, Jo. You are a special person. I'm very glad I know you.

Naqvee said...

dear Jo.. no suggestions to you! you are absolutely gorgeous and purrfect !
♥ Naqvee

Jo said...

*Steven: your suggestion of finding those low cost therapists is an excellent idea and one I hadn't thought of. Thank you for bringing that to my attention. I'm not particularly computer savvy, as you all well know (::enter 'No shit, lady!'::) but I will do my best to seek this out. Much thanks for your kind words, also, my sweet supportive friend.

*Meeko: My friend, Nikki, and I roared with laughter at your 'Tell your therapist everything! 'How well you know me! Are you peeking through my windows???? My passive/aggressive personality is just the type that will sit there and clam up and not say what I need to. It's indeed so true. As I said a few posts ago, things I say on here I struggle with in real life when it needs to be directed to the person in question. I also very much like and appreciate your suggestion of asking my 'oldest son' if everything is okay with his wife? That might be something Ed or B could direct at him -- with me, everything just comes out all kablooey! I'm afraid I would make things worse. Ed and B are better at this stuff than I am. They're better at everything than I am.

*Gregory, your 'doozie' comment was a scream!!!

It's interesting how some see me as selfish (as mentioned by a blogger a few days ago) and deserving of my misery and others see me as giving and selfless.

Perhaps the truth lies somewhere inbetween, eh?

Thank you for giving me the kick in the pants I need, Gregory. I know I simply NEED to state that: "It would make me feel more comfortable if you could wait until around 7:00 or 8:00 to come over".

*Naqvee: You need to come live with me and tell me that every day!

In fact, can all of you come for a visit?????

::Gets out guest sheets for sofa sleeper::

Thank you all for your wonderful suggestions that my pea-sized intellect just couldn't quite fathom on my own.

Love you all!

Jo said...

P.S. Thanks for the walk, Nikki, and for your continued support and letting me bend your ear! I enjoy our time together. :)

nikki said...

I loved the pickle. That was hilarious.

As far as the rest. It is a very difficult situation to be in. I hear you. You are so kind and giving. Jo Anna, you really aren't asking for alot. I know you deserve the thank yous and the acknowledgement from people that come to your house. Quite a few people I have come across do not have common sense. They are the most difficult people to get along with. I love you. Sorry if I was out of it on our walk. I am frustrated with so much. You do help me. I want you to kow I appreciate you and your humor and your laughter. Tell that doc the entire saga girl. Give it all to him. LOL See ya tomorrow. Nikki

Jo said...

It's all good, doll. I shouldn't be rambling on with all that is happening in your world.

Please keep me posted -- I'm keeping my fingers crossed for our girl! She deserves to be in an environment where people will appreciate her and her efforts instead of bringing her down.

She's so strong and I'm so freaking proud of her!; she gets her strength from her Mama, I would say. ;)

Love you, doll. See you tomorrow and please tell Mozer good luck on his test for me!!!

I think the second time is the charm -- that's what they say, right? ;)

"And so our stories go..." said...

I have a similar situation with a woman where I work out. I check it off as jealousy. Who the hell would not even say, "Hello!" You're pretty, fun...eh, she's jealous. Nothing you can do about it. Or at least that's the way I look at my situation.
Mary

Have Myelin? said...

Hum. How about....not cooking AT ALL until "said guests" leave? It would require the cooperation of your family.

Simply don't cook. =)

GregoryJ said...

Jo,
I got this from some one in a reply to a comment today. I don't know if she put it in for me or just has it in for everyone.
Anyway:

Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~ Dr. Seuss

You have a lot of help coming your way. Take time, sort it out, make your decisions. None of us will mind if you don't heed our particular suggestion. We obviously all love you too much to mind.

Elizabeth Patch said...

I am stopping by to thank you for your visit and comments on my blog on my SITS day. It is so appreciated!
As someone with 6 members of my immediate family who have lost their jobs over the past 1 1/2 years, I can empathize with you, and hope that you find the resources and strength to reach your pot 0' gold!

VKT said...

Jo,

Would your sullen guest perhaps like to take you out for lunch since she doesn't seem to want to be at your home? Maybe you could suggest that they take you out for lunch?

Jeanne said...

There are two kinds of advice people should NEVER take from me: directions on how to get anywhere (the part of my brain that supposed to house spatial concepts doesn't seem to work) and suggestions on tactful interactions.

That said, the best advice I've ever received on working through issues with people is to ask questions.

Good luck, dear. You're a new friend, but I've already learned to prize you!