Saturday, January 16, 2010

WHEN IS ENOUGH ENOUGH?





Going back a few months, I posted some personal stuff on my old blog and 'Twitter' that was going on with B and his then girlfriend.

I won't apologize for my feelings at the time because they were indeed MY thoughts on the topic and my emotions were running high.

As I've stated before, this is MY place to vent and to talk about what I choose to.

A certain person made it their business to poke around my 'Twitter' and blog -- for the sole purpose of digging up dirt -- and then went on to tell others about what it is I wrote. It caused some problems, primarily between B and myself.

Before I get started, I told B (out of my love and respect for HIM only) that I won't any longer post nor 'Tweet' about his private matters (my 'Twitter' is now set to private, by the way), regardless of how strong I feel about things.

However, I also won't apologize because, as I already stated, I can only write about what I know, think and feel.

I won't be naming names, of course (the only names I ever use are mine and Ed's) nor will I even be using initials in this post except for B's.

So, this will be interesting: getting my point across without upsetting B, who understands my feelings on this topic and doesn't necessarily disagree but would just rather me not post about private matters pertaining to him or anyone in his 'group'.

So, let the mad scientist experiment begin -- and hope for an nonexplosive result:

I am sending a loud and clear message to the person in question, who will no doubt keep checking back and reporting their findings.

First of all, B's former girlfriend recently E-mailed me a very nice letter in which she apologized for some things (things that shall not be named nor pointed out in this post) in addition to expressing that she enjoyed the year with our family.

That must have been very hard for her to do and I give her much credit for her accountability.

Her apology was -- and is -- accepted and we made our peace.

So, this post (just to clear that much up, at least) has nothing to do with her -- all is forgiven on my part -- and I hope that her and B can end up friends. They're both very bright and capable people and I wish for her nothing but continued growth and very good things in her life.

So, the person that is in question here had become part of our family, along with their significant other. This person was in my heart and I couldn't have foreseen that I would ever feel differently.

I truly loved them.

There was prom, grad night, graduation and numerous gatherings at our home -- all of which I enjoyed their company and friendship with B, watching their camaraderie.

Upon the events a few months back, I was hurt and angry. I likely posted and tweeted some things that should have stayed in my head.

However, again, I won't apologize for them. It was how I felt at the time, with everything still raw and fresh.

Then this person decided, back then, to look up to see if I had written anything on the situation with B and his girlfriend, and they found exactly what they were looking for.

I indeed had spilled my guts and my heart out. Again, my emotions were high.

Unfortunately it didn't stay with this person. It got back to others, including B.

A horrible days and days fight ensued with neither B nor I changing our stance on our staunch positions, mine being that I am against censorship and it is MY blog to do and say as I wish.

I equated it to them knowing where I keep my diary, opening it up, not liking what they read and then spreading it around. It was also, as I stated to B, like them listening to a behind doors conversation with their ear at the door and reporting back to others.

If you don't like what I write, then you're certainly entitled not to read it.

However, if you go looking for it, then that's on you.

Anyway, as we've always been a close family, things soon got back to normal, of course, with neither B nor myself bringing it up any further.

Not until New Years Eve did I see this person again, who stopped by to pick up their significant other (who is very good friends with B). Neither this person nor I had anything much to say to each other other than 'hi and goodnight'.

However, it got back to me that I 'ignored' this person that night. Well, where's the accountability? They ignored me, as well. It was quite mutual (and in MY house). I simply had moved on and didn't have anything to say, and they obviously felt the same.

Obviously things weren't going to get back to where they once were. I had never received an apology from this person, but nor had I confronted them, either.

It was just let go. Sometimes, that's the best approach.

Several other things had occurred with this person exhibiting the same behavior towards B, but B is a big boy and can handle his own issues, of which there are usually very few, so, I stayed out of it.

They have since -- very recently -- worked out their issues with one another and I thought; 'Okay, this is GOOD. A fresh start to a new year' and I had no issues with anything else pertaining to this person. Again, it was just let go.

Then word came to me yesterday that this person is still reading my blog and reporting their findings.

Why? I have NO idea.

This was starting to feel personal and I was disheartened.

So, I decided to send a text and tackle it head on.

Keep in mind, I have to pick and choose my 'battles'. After the year we've been through, I have bigger fish to fry and my family and I have been though enough (doesn't this person realize that???)....but also I needed to stick up for myself here and let them know that I find this unacceptable.

Begin the texting wars where nothing got resolved.

They kept saying; "I don't know what you're fishing for here" (how about accountability?) and claimed that during the texting they had indeed apologized.

I read them again, there was no apology, although, we both admitted that our emotions were high at that time back several months ago.

So, I'm confused.

With limited characters in texting someone with a different phone plan than yours, I keep wondering if this person got the fact that this is the most RECENT 'snooping' that I am upset about. But somehow, they kept bringing up the past events.

I have no idea what they could possibly be thinking.

So, I ended it basically by saying that "We're not getting anywhere here" and got a nasty reply back, putting the blame square on my shoulders.

I would have NEVER spoken to any adult -- more less one of my friends' parents -- that way.

This is indeed a new breed of young adults, some of whom seemingly don't get what respect and accountability is all about.

So, in closing, I stand by my earlier statement of: If you don't like what I write, then don't read it -- and certainly don't spread it around hoping to cause me anguish, embarrassment and issues with others.

Take note: this is a new year -- and my fresh start is not going to be tarnished by anyones colloquial gossip.

With that said, I do wish you well and hope one day we can put this behind us.

If not, as in everything else in my life, I will move on looking only to the future and betterment of myself and my family.

We are all a work in progress as there is always room for improvement and the hope that all the misunderstandings of the past will fall away and be replaced with a clearer understanding.

Wishing you peace and serenity -- always,
~Jo

5 comments:

Naqvee said...

Jo, im glad that you have brought up this issue here, but now with a positive attitude, those misunderstandings should never have been a major issue becoz a son and mom relation is the most pious relation and we Indians take such relations like something very sacred, Im so happy that you are giving yourself a time to rejuvenate and think for a better future. there are something you can't ignore but you can keep your settings here for private as well, it's you who have to fix it.
love you. All the best
Naqvee

Jo said...

Thank you, Naqvee.

I have no intentions on setting my blog on 'private' -- and feel as I always have: this is my place to vent, and while certain things in relation to B are off limits, I will contuinue to freely express my thoughts and opinions, as is everyones right on here.

Should this person choose to continue being conniving and sneaky, then so be it. I've said my peace on the matter and will not change my format for them.

As always, your thoughtful comments are appreciated. :)

Love,
~Jo

Steven Anthony said...

Jo my friend, you have been throiugh so much, Im sorry that this kind of drama must follow you...but I believe you handled it great, now just let it go, walk away the bigger person that you arer...anyone who knows you and loves you wont believe the shit from there mouth anyway...

You are an awesome person and friend, I believe for us both this yr will turn things around in our favor, untill then, chin up my loved friend;)

Jo said...

Thank you, my friend.

It really is 'RIDONKULOUS', isn't it?

I believe as you do, that this is our year -- and no 'child' is going to rob me and my family of what is now rightfully ours and has been rightfully earned, and that is a chance at some much needed serenity and long overdue happiness.

I will continue on the right path in this, my friend, I assure you.

I've said my peace and my focus is where it should be.

I only hope that they re-group, decompress, think about things and begin their own refocus and rebuilding of their heart and soul.

By putting my priorities where they ought to be has changed my perspective on everything else.

Peace and serenity to you, sweetness -- have a wonderful weekend.

Love ya!

Meeko Fabulous said...

That just pisses me off. Who is this snatch? This is your place to vent and write and if they don't like it they can take a flying leap of a short bridge. Rat bastards. It is so infuriating. I can set your blog to only be available to be read by those you choose if you like. Shoot me an e-mail so we can discuss . . .